Abide » Alden

13. Eyes

"Sometimes your compassion blows my mind," I laugh.

"What?" he furrows his brow and smiles at me.

I emphasize, "You're defending the wicked witch of the west."

Alden huffs with a sarcastic laugh.

He opens his mouth to say something, but I interrupt him, "I'll talk to her. But if she wants to have some mother-daughter time, I'm dragging your ass out of this camp."

Alden chuckles as I stand from my chair.

As I pull open the flap of the tent, I turn back with a wide grin, "You think I'm joking."

I step out of the tent and look around the camp. I see Rosalie with a few women.

I walk up and clear my throat. When the other women notice me, they excuse themselves leaving just Rosalie and me.

"I wanted to set some things straight," I nod to the blonde, "You abandoned me. I never had a mother growing up. Dad was depressed. He couldn't date again because of what you put him through... His twin brother, really? What, does he have a winning personality?"

"Paesyn, there are things you don't understand..."

"It's not like Jonathon has a bigger dick or anything. They're identical twins."

"Paesyn!" she shakes her head at my crass comment, "I had to leave. I couldn't stay."

"Why not?" I bite.

Rosalie stares at the ground for a moment before changing the subject, "...What about you and your boyfriend?"

"First of all, off topic. Second of all... we're-we're just friends. That's all..." I just found it easier to say than divulging the details of us making out and me freaking out because of physical touch.

"No," she smiles knowingly.

I furrow my eyebrows on why she could think she knows more than I let on. We haven't exactly been very couple-y and I don't remember making out with him while being trapped here.

"He looks at you like your father looked at me. Like you're his world," Rosalie lays a gentle hand on my shoulder.

Hearing her mention dad brings both sadness and curiosity to her comment. "Then why did you do that to dad?"

"I don't know." Rosalie shrugs plainly, "Suddenly, I didn't love him anymore. It was Jonathon I loved. You understand right? You can't control who you love."

I bluntly snark, "You can control who you fuck. And, no. I don't understand. My mother wasn't around to help me understand what it felt like to love someone."

"I know I failed you. And I'm truly sorry. Let me make it up to you... Let's catch up."

"I can't," I step back from her hand.

I hesitate before turning back to the medical tent. I want to follow through with my promise and drag Alden away from this place. But why can't I?

I always figured it was better to close myself off and not let anyone in. I finally got what I wanted. A friend. And now the mother I wanted more than anything is back and begging to be there for me.

I feel tears begin to well up in my eyes and a small hiccup escapes my lips. I secretly want to be held like I would never be let go. Like how my dad used to hold me. He would softly sing the words to Blue Eyes by Elton John. Even though I don't have blue eyes, I always felt that dad was singing to me.

As the tears begin to roll down my face, I decide I can't let Alden see me like this. Weak. It was painful enough to feel like this, it's be even worse to feel embarrassed as well.