ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍɪɴᴇ? | Hawk/ Eli Moskowitz | SLOW UPDATES

⋆⋅ 26 ⋅⋆

⁎ ᴡ ɪ ʟ ʟ ᴏ ᴡ ⁎
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BOYS NEVER LOOKED at me growing up. I wasn't amusing in their eyes. No matter how many schools, or how many boys i had met none of them had truly ever liked me.

I wanted to be unconditionally loved, like the stories you hear about on tv or the pages you flip through when you read.

I wanted a love like that so terribly growing up, scared that if i didn't find someone to like me quickly enough i would be doomed and counted for as unloveable.

I was never looked at romantically for the longest time until i made that change in my life to become the thing people looked at.

I longed for validation for so long, that when i stopped looking for it people started looking for mine. It felt powerful knowing you became something you wished your whole life you could be.

I built my confidence up by myself, feeding into my delusions and needs because only me myself is capable to provide the most valuable validation.

I put my needs first, then my wants second. And after i made this slight change in my life the people around me swayed to become people who either hate me or worship me.

When you leak with confidence, everyone wants to be you. Weather it's because they admire you from a far or like you romantically. Everyone has doubts about themselves, so when they see someone who doesn't seem to second guess, the feeling is seen as foreign to them, yet captivating.

"You are so beautiful." He kissed my neck.

I know i promised to never to go to a house party again, but yet again moon can be very persuasive.

Her house was practically crammed with people, and although her last party didn't end up well for anyone, this one was going to be different. I hope.

The boy continues to kiss my neck and shoulders, to be honest i don't even remember his name. My head is practically spinning from all the alcohol i've consumed and i don't know what time it is or how long he's been kissing me. All i know is that this boy definitely doesn't go to our school, at least i think.

He backs away from my body before staring back up at my face. "Can i kiss you?." He says looking down at my lips then back at my eyes.

His eyes were a dark blue, not the kind that Eli has but darker.

Ew why am i thinking about Eli?.

I shake off the wave of unease and look around the room to see everyone practically in their own world, dancing, making out, lounging on the couch with bottles in hand.

I don't know if it's the alcohol, or the excitement of kissing someone again, but the words slip out so easily i almost second guess my answer.

"Sure." I don't even have to finish my sentence before his mouth smashed onto mine. Guess someone was excited.

Sparks don't fly when he kisses me, butterflies don't explode and erupt in my stomach. It feels good but not good.

I kiss back knowing this feeling isn't strong enough to be permanent, the guy currently half way down my esophagus is clearly drunk as well.It felt good to live in the moment, kiss a boy i didn't like just for the hell of it.

He wraps his hand around the back of my back pulling me closer, the bare skin from my low waisted skirt sends a cold chill up my spine.

I deepen the kiss, moving closer and moving my hands to the back of his head. I begin to brush my fingers through his hair which earns a grunt from the boy.We continue to make out until a voice is heard from in-front of us.