A Future Without You

Ch 5: Where We Are Now

  Chuuya's eyes fluttered open. Dazai was gently shaking his shoulder.

  "I let you sleep for a few hours," Dazai whispered, "we should get back to work if you're rested."

  Chuuya rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. "Did you sleep at all?"

  Dazai chuckled, "don't ask questions you already know the answers to."

  Chuuya sat up with a sigh. He ran his hands through his hair, "alright, I'm awake. Lay down."

  "Hm?" Dazai seemed taken aback and almost alarmed.

  Chuuya looked over at him, his hands still in his hair. "What? You heard me."

  Dazai slowly blinked at him, "oh, you're being serious right now? I thought that was just the sleep deprivation talking-"

  "Just go to sleep," Chuuya shook his head as he let his arms fall. "You said you didn't sleep last night."

  "Yeah, well, I had my reasons. Besides, you didn't sleep the other night," Dazai pointed out.

  "And I slept just now," Chuuya fixed him with a stern look, "so you should, too."

  Dazai couldn't hold his gaze for long, "I can last-"

  "I don't care how long you can go without sleeping," Chuuya sighed. "I'm asking you to sleep now." He stood up and walked across the room to a whiteboard calendar hanging on the wall.

  Dazai could just barely make out a bigger number that didn't seem to be a date. Chuuya erased it and replaced it with the number 4.

  "What's that?" Dazai asked.

  Chuuya hesitated, slowly capping the pen. "You can see that from there?..."

  Dazai nodded, closing his hands around the blankets at his thighs. "Yes. Was I not supposed to?..."

  "No, it's fine..." Chuuya said slowly. He walked back over to the foot of the bed, "I told you that I don't drink that much anymore. I've been trying to quit smoking, too..."

  Dazai smiled, "don't be so down on yourself, it's not supposed to be easy."

  "I was several months clean, Dazai," Chuuya shook his head, "and then..."

  "Was it because Mori died?... All the responsibility he left you?..."

  Chuuya chuckled, "if only. I was writing that stupid letter to you. I swear I wrote twenty-five different versions. I just needed to clear my mind."

  Dazai didn't know what to say. He felt like this was his fault now...

  Chuuya sighed, "I had a lot I wanted to say to you..."

  "Well, I'm listening now," Dazai offered quietly.

  Chuuya sat down and crossed his legs, "I can't really make much sense of it, myself..." Then he folded his arms, "and you're supposed to be sleeping."

  Dazai smiled nervously, "but isn't this more important?"

  Chuuya snorted, "absolutely not."

  Dazai clicked his tongue, "Aw man..."

  "Alright, lay down already," Chuuya crawled back over to his spot.

  "But what if I don't want to take a nap," Dazai pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and batting his eyes.

  "Then maybe I'll have to knock you out," Chuuya smirked.

  "Oh, how vulgar!" Dazai gasped dramatically.