Missing You

To Hold On Or To Move On

"Jine, heto nanaman ba tayo? Pagpipilitan mo nanaman ba 'yang katigasan ng ulo mo?" Jarie, Jine's bestfriend, nagged at Jine after Jine told Jarie right after class what happened last night between Jine and Calvin. Jarie really sounded irritated because she was arguing with Jine about the same problem for the nth time, but Jine knew more than anyone else that Jarie was just very concerned about Jine.

"Jine," Jarie continued sounding more serious and trying to be calm, "makinig ka ha. Makinig ka. Wala na kayo ni Calvin. Tapos na kayo. Umiyak ka, friend. Humagulgol ka. Ibuhos mo ang sama ng loob mo. Alam ko kung gaano mo siya kamahal, pero please...tama na, friend. Tama na 'yon."

Jine was not looking at Jarie while she was nagging at her, but she was listening. Those words of Jarie were really harsh to say to Jine at this point in her life as much as they were true. Maybe Jine was hurting inside, and crying would be a relief for her. Or probably she's not in pain at all, for last night with Calvin was greater than any of Jarie's words could make her feel. Or maybe she's feeling sad but still happy because after all, she was loved with the love that was worth all the pain. What she felt, nobody could actually tell.

"Mahal pa niya 'ko," Jine finally said still not looking at Jarie and wearing his ever emotionless face. "Mahal pa niya 'ko. Mahal ko pa siya. Bakit ko kailangang mag-move on agad?"

"Nand'on na 'ko, Jine. Mahal ka niya. Kahit kailan hindi ko 'yon pinagdudahan. Sabihin na nating hanggang ngayon mahal ka pa niya sa kabila ng lahat, pero Jine, alam mong wala nang kayo," Jarie really mastered where to put emphasis on what she said when nagging at Jine.

"Jarie, hindi ko kailangang mag-move agad," Jine looked at Jarie at last. "Habang nandito pa siya, habang nakakausap ko pa siya, habang nahahawakan ko pa siya, he still belongs to me."

"Friend, hindi kita minamadaling mag-move on. Ang sa akin lang, stop holding on to start letting go. Hindi hihinto ang mundo para hintayin kang maka-get over. Pero sa ginagawa mo, pinahihinto mo ang mundo mo. Friend, may iba pang pweding magmahal sa'yo. Pero dahil huminto na ang mundo mo, iikot nalang ang mundo nung taong 'yon para sa iba." Jarie sounded as if she's very sure that there's really that someone out there just waiting for Jine to open her heart for someone else or someone even more than willing to be the one to open Jine's heart again.

"Jarie, just this one. I know exactly when to let go."

"Kailan? When you're done with your Before I Let You Go list? Jine, hindi na mangyayari ang mga 'yon. Huwag mo nang isiping mangyayari pa sila. You'll just get worse. Jine, ang akala ko you're just in the midst of a difficult heartbreak. Pero sa nakikita ko, the difficult heartbreak is in the midst of you. You don't want to set it free," Jarie paused for a while to catch her breath before she continued, "Jine, if you want, I know someone who can help you."

"Not that again, Jarie. I know who you're talking about. It's your Aunt Friena again."

"But she's the best person who can help - "

"Sige, Jarie. Time naren. Kita nalang tayo bukas sa PE class," Jine cut what Jarie was about to say and went on her way. Walking on the sidewalk passed by vehicles, she was thinking of everything Jarie told her especially about her Aunt Friena. Jine knew so well why Jarie strongly believed that her Aunt Friena was the best person to help Jine in her problem. But Jine did not yet welcome the idea of going to Aunt Friena for only one reason - she still wanted to see Calvin.

Points for Reflection

1. When is something worth holding on to?

2. When is moving on the best thing to do?