Little Shadow//Shadow & Bone

five

I lay in bed. It's well past noon but I've not gotten out of bed yet. I can't find much reason to. The survival of Ravka and the destruction of the Fold are weighing on Alina's shoulders, not mine. For the first time since I was sixteen nothing is relying on me. I can fade away into the shadows and try to move on.

The door opens and Alina walks in.

"You're still in bed," Alina remarks. I nod my head. "Have you at least bathed or eaten?" I didn't say anything. "Are you alright, Rose?"

"What do you want, Alina?" I ask.

"I need your help," Alina tells me. "I need to learn how to perform the Cut."

"We have barely spoken since what happened in the Fold," I remind Alina. "And now you come to ask me to teach you the Cut."

"If I want to..." Alina starts.

"No Alina," I tell her. "I won't do it."

"Rosalie..." Alina starts.

I hold up my hands and use the Cut to slice in half the chair beside the desk.

"You desire that power," I state. "The knowledge that the next time you perform the Cut may be to slice someone in half. A real person, Alina. Not a chair. You already have the Stag and Sea Whip amplifiers. What more do you need?"

"I need the Firebird," Alina insists.

"Then have Mal track it down for you," I tell her. "You do not need me for it."

"If I am to lead the Second Army..." Alina starts.

"Then you will need to learn to be a leader," I tell her. "Not how to cut someone in half. Lead by your heart. Not fear." I take a breath. "Ask for my help with anything else, Alina. But not this."

I don't leave my room for the rest of the afternoon. I don't want to face anyone. I don't want to have to look at Alina. I know she meant well. She truly believes the Cut may be of use to her, but I know better. I know the devastation it can cause.

There is a knock on the door. I don't say anything. The door opens slightly, and Nikolai pops his head in.

"Did you not hear my knock?" Nikolai asks.

"I did," I assure him.

Nikolai steps into the room and closes the door behind him. "I thought I would come and check on you. Alina tells me you've not left your room all day."

"Did she also tell you she wanted me to teach her the Cut?" I ask.

Nikolai looks at the cut in half chair. "I guess you won't be offering me a seat."

"The Cut is not something to take lightly," I tell him.

"Maybe you should..." Nikolai starts.

"You should not finish that thought," I tell him. "The Cut is a last resort. One that I will not help Alina learn." Nikolai nods his head. "Did you come here for any reason other than to try and convince me to teach Alina the Cut?"

"I was hoping to coax you out of your room," Nikolai tells me.

"I can't," I tell him.

"If you are afraid of what others may think, don't," Nikolai tells me. "No one will do anything to you while I'm here."

"It does not matter," I insist. "I may as well be the new Black Heretic." I take a breath. "And to make it worse you made my sister the new leader of the Second Army."

"You think it should be you?" Nikolai asks.

I nod my head. "I do."

"You cannot even get out of bed," Nikolai tells me. "No one has seen you in three days."