Delicia's trek through the maze of undiagnosed PCOS became increasingly dangerous as she approached the age of twenty-one. She was already carrying a lot of burdens when new symptoms started to appear. Her once-slender frame grew ornamented with an unwanted layer of belly fat, as though the weight of her struggles were physically manifesting themselves on her body. Her reflection became a painful reminder of her perceived shortcomings with each passing day.
Due to the ominous prevalence of sleep apnea and other problems, sleep became a battleground. She struggled to get rest, and when she did, it eluded her, leaving her exhausted and depleted all the time. Eating changed into a delicate ballet, complicated by dysfunctional habits and the constant dread that came with every meal. Her mind, which had once served as a refuge, was now at war with her, unleashing waves of worry and melancholy that threatened to completely swallow her.
Delicia felt lost and alone as a result of the mood swings that affected her like a pendulum. Once a place of self-reflection, the mirror now cast a skewed image that was inconsistent with how she saw herself. She felt liminal, imprisoned between society standards and her own reality, neither entirely woman nor totally man. She sobbed herself to sleep in the depths of her despair, yearning for an end to the agony that tormented her.
In an effort to reclaim control of her body, she turned to online diets and fitness regimens, but her desperation led her down a variety of different pathways. But instead of comfort, she only experienced more annoyance. She struggled mightily to lose the weight, but it seemed to cling to her even more tightly. Her fragile sense of self was punctured by uninvited comments about her size from the outside world, which was not much gentler. Her emotions of inadequacy were heightened by the reverberations of society's beauty standards in her head.
Delicia started to doubt her value as a person and whether she deserved love and affection. Models and influencers with picture-perfect bodies flashed across her screens, highlighting the gap between her reflection and the skewed standards society supported. She retreated even further within herself as the agony of comparison intensified. She was cloaked in a suffocating cloud of insecurity.
Delicia discovered herself engaged in a never-ending conflict with herself in this gloomy world of misery. Even the little pleasures in life became tainted due to the weight of despair and her overwhelming sense of not belonging. Happiness seemed to be a privilege reserved for others, like a faded memory.
Delicia's weary heart, though, glowed with a gleam of strength despite the emptiness. She secretly hoped for a life outside of the shadows, for a path leading to self-acceptance and recovery. She clung to the faith that sometime, somehow, the darkness would give way to the light even though the road ahead appeared tremendous and the weight of her troubles unmovable.
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Note: In this chapter, Delicia describes her experiences at age 21, when her undiagnosed PCOS has made her symptoms worse and driven her even further into despair. It examines the emergence of new symptoms like weight gain, sleep problems, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and problems with body image. The chapter also discusses the effects of cultural ideals of beauty and the ongoing struggle Delicia has with herself.
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Blossoming Beyond PCOS: Discovering the Warrior Within
Non-Fiction"Blossoming Beyond PCOS" is a novel that explores the lives of people who have PCOS. This introduction prepares the reader for a moving examination of the challenges people with PCOS confront on a medical, emotional, and psychological level. Delicia...
