AGAIN

Escapism (P)

TW: A great portion of the chapter will deal with drug abuse.

Today was just another day that I woke up and wish I hadn't, the only thing that made my day worthy was seeing Jade. Since I met her, she's been the bright spot of my life, but even her cannot take my pain away.

Whenever I'm with Jade, I'm happy, but the moment I'm alone everything comes back to me. My dead mom, my neglectful dad and all the things Cindy does to me. I feel like I'm cheating on Jade, even though I know that everything that happens with Cindy and I is against my will.

I wish I could tell her, but I know she would make me tell an adult and my dad would get involved and if he gets involved, Cindy will claim that I was the one who raped her and everyone will believe it. Maybe Jade will believe it too, and then I'll lose her, and I can't lose her and my dad.

The only things that help me forget when I'm alone are the alcohol and drugs, they are my escapism. I am aware that this is in no way good for me, but I rather have a momentary relief than live in this agonizing pain all day. People warn you not to use drugs because if you do, maybe you'll die, they don't stop to think that perhaps this is exactly what you want when you start.

Today Jade is working on a project with Holly, that means I'm all alone. Well, not exactly, Cindy is here, but she's still asleep, so I'm going to leave before she wakes up.

"Hey Perrie. You're here already" Mike, my drug dealer said.

"Had a rough month" I joked with no humour at all.

"What do you want this time?"

"Same as usual, Coke and Oxy. Same amount too" I replied as if it was a grocery shopping list.

I paid and got what I wanted, I decided to go to a friend's place, so I wouldn't be drugged up in broad daylight in the middle of the street. When I say a friend's place, I mean like a crack house. The house is all fucked up and a lot of junkies live there or go there to use it like I do.

The moment the Oxy hit my body, I already felt a million times better. My bliss was interrupted hours later by the ringing of my phone, I looked to see who it was, it was Jade, a smile instantly appeared on my face.

"Hi baby" I answered

"Hey, are you busy right now?'

"Not much no. Why?"

"Are you OK? You sound weird"

"I am weird" I joked and we both laughed.

"Anyway, I was asking because we finished up, so I'm free, and I thought that maybe we could do something "

"Cool, I'll meet you in two hours, OK?"

"OK babe, see you then"

You may be asking why two hours if I'm not busy, well I used two hours ago, that means I'm at the peak of my high now, which is not something I want Jade to see. Oxy will clear from my blood within 24 hours, but four hours is enough for Jade not to notice anything odd about me.

I arrived at Jade's house and knocked

"Oh, hi" her mother said, not too happy to see me. It was no secret she didn't like me and I totally understand. If I had a kid, I wouldn't want them to date someone like me either. I also don't want Jade to date someone like me, but I don't have the courage to end it. If I don't have Jade, I don't have anything, and I'm not ready for that.

"Hey Mrs Thirlwall. Can you call Jade for me" she called Jade who rushed downstairs.

"Hi Pez" Jade greeted me standing on her tip toes to give me a kiss.

"Hey baby" I replied, pulling her by the waist, intensifying our kiss. Her mother cleared her throat.

"Sorry mom" Jade apologized and held my hand so we could go.

Jade and I had a wonderful day, we went to the cinema, the park, had ice cream all that corny stuff. It was nighttime now and we were chilling on my bed.

"Pez" she called me hesitantly

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to any parties this week?"

"I don't know if there is anything interesting" I replied trying to sound non chelant.

"I was thinking and maybe you could cut down the amount of parties you go and like the amount of drinks you have. I know you like to have fun and..."

"Are you trying to tell me what to do?" I immediately cut her off, angry and getting up from the bed;

"It's not that Pez, it's just that I think you do it too much and that isn't good for you"

"Don't try being my fucking mom, because I don't even have one. I have a suggestion too, you should mind your fucking business" I hated speaking to Jade that, but anytime she mentioned my habits I lost control.

"You are my business Pez, I fucking love you and I would hate to see something happen to you" she said as she started crying. Fuck, I hated to see her cry, specially if I was the cause of it. I got closer and hugged her.

"Baby, look at me. I'm sorry, I hate to see you cry. I promise I'll try OK"

"OK" she replied, still sniffling.

I was successful in my promise for about two weeks, and then everything went to normal again. Jade and I started to constantly fight about that, and my happy place that was this relationship was no longer as happy. Now there was no escape, my home life was shit, my school life was shit and now my relationship was too. I started to feel the need to be high more and more so I made it happen more and more.

I knew that at the pace that I was going, I wouldn't last very long, but I didn't care anymore. If I died, at least wouldn't have to suffer and maybe as a bonus Cindy would suffer a little bit. I was just upset that Jade would suffer too and my dad, he would never understand how I went from such a sweet kid to the way I am now.