Made to hate herself

Chapter fifty six

- Peeta's PoV -

- Katniss?! Katniss!!! Katniss where are you!! I yell out desperatly trying to find Katniss. 

I hear Lillian and Prim screaming not so far away. I don't even know why she ran out, I really do want to know. Only Prim knows for now. It's getting dark as we have been looking for some hours. I decide to go to them so we can go back.

- Hey, I'm going to head back home. It's been a rough day and I am very tired. You guys following? I ask them.

- We will stay here continuing our search. You are welcome to go back I know it's been rough. Lillian says before I walk towards the direction we came from.

I continue walking before I reach where I lost sight of her. I see the outside of the forest as I begin hearing a noice. I hear someone crying, it wasn't just someone, it was Katniss.

- Katniss PoV -

I hear someone coming and it has been hours of just continous crying. I hear a branch breaking under my tree and I try to stop but I don't. 

- Katniss, can you get down from the tree? Peeta the mutt asks me.

- So you can hurt or kill me? No thanks. I say back between my sobs.

- I will never hurt you Katniss, never ever. Even if you don't want anything with me may I ask a question? He asks so nicely.

- Okay. I say.

- Why did you run out crying? He asks me.

- If you really need to know... Prim was refusing to tell me something and I knew what it meant. It would trigger any "episodes" which are really just my head showing real memories to me. I knew it was something about it and that's why I got upset. My entire life is just getting classifed and hid away from me. I say and I begin crying more.

- Come down Katniss, please. I need you, I need to love you. He says.

- I don't even care if I die anymore, so why am I even fighting back. I say, I am really depressed.

- Don't say that Katniss, you have so much to live for. Peeta says back in a convincing voice but I don't fall for it. Not this time.

I begin sliding down and I take my bow and arrows and throw them on the ground. Peeta pulls me in and he kisses my lips. I pull away and I run towards my home. I hear him screaming after my mother and sister as I tun away.

I reach my home and I walk in, I run into the bathroom even though I am starving. I lock myself in as I hear someone opening my front door.

- Katniss, come on. We just want to talk. Peeta says.

- Katniss! Prim, Peeta and my mother yells out all at the same time.

I hear them coming walking up to the bathroom door and feels the handle. It's locked and therefore they know I am in here. 

- Katniss, please unlock the door. We mean you no harm. Peeta says.

- I don't even care if I die, I don't care if you torture me! The only thing I am trying to avoid is the mental pain this causes me! I yell out at them trying to make them understand.

- Please come out Katniss, let me love you. Peeta says.

- You don't love me. If I come out you will not love me, I can promise you that. I say back.

- Well then you broke a promise because I will always love you. He says back trying to convince me.

- Fine, I'll come out. I say and I unlock the door. 

All three of them immediatly rush in and they hug me all. I feel like I am suffecating whilst they hug me so tight. It was hard to breath and I think they notice as they let go with a concerned look. 

- What's wrong Katniss? Prim asks and I don't have the courage to say it's them. 

- It's nothing, don't worry about it. I say but they see right through me.

- It was something Katniss, tell us. Peeta says holding his hands on my arms gentely.

- No. I say in a suspision way.

- It must be something. Prim says looking down in guilt.

- Let me go. I say pushing Peeta away. 

I walk into the kitchen wanting to eat something even though it's around midnight. I hear them running after me. It took some minutes before they began coming towards the kitchen. They were just standing there, in shock. I just a fruit out of a cabinet and I begin eating. It was a pretty juicy apple. 

- Katniss, let us talk. My mother says.

- No, just leave me alone. I say pointing towards the door. 

- We have to talk Katniss! My mother says in an angrier voice than before.

- Why do we have to talk?! You only make things worse. I say and she looks at me in a suprise look.

I know I hurt her feelings and I also stand here pretty shock. I don't even care that a mutt is close anymore. I take my apple and I rush upstairs to my room where I lock my door. I hear them banging on it not so long after I locked it.

- Katniss, let us in. Peeta says in a friendly tone but I know he wants the worst for me, well I'm not sure he wants to I just assume it. 

- Ok... I say skeptically and I open the door. 

Peeta hugs me tightly and I struggle to breath again. I don't want to make him hate himself so I just smile at him. He sees through me though and he takes a step back.

- It's because of the hugs, you can't breath because of the tight hugs. I'm the problem. Peeta says.

- No Peeta. You're not the problem. Don't mind it. What was the thing you were talking about. I say in an uncomfortable voice.

It's not odd to be uncomfortable now since I'm standing near a person who tries to kill me and he hurts me multiple times. Everytime I think of the memories with him when he hurts me I feel the pain in the memory. It must be real, it has to be real. 

- Katniss, I know you don't have bad memories of me and Prim. Anyone else? My mother asks me.

- No, I have good memories of my father that's about it. My life has been most pain and suffering. I say back.

- How are you keeping calm knowing that Peeta is right here? Prim asks.

- I don't care anymore. I could die and nobody would care. Nobody would care since they know I will just come back. I'm not calm if you notice. I'm really uncomfortable and I just want to be left alone. I say.

Prim whispers into my mothers ear and then they both whisper into Peeta's ear. I wish I could hear what they were saying.

- So Katniss, Peeta will be staying here tonight. My mother says before closing my door. 

Peeta just stands there and I look in fear at him. I just close my eyes and I manage to fall asleep even though I am in full panic.

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Suzanne Collins owns the novels and characters, I do not.