Made to hate herself

Chapter forty nine

- Peeta's PoV -

- So she woke up, she threw up some stomach acid on the ground there. Then she looked up at us and she said mutts. That's about it. I say to a doctor who takes note.

- So here she did have an episode but since she doesn't have the strength or energy to provide for her anger her heart slows down. The doctor says as an answer.

- That sounds about right. Prim says.

I take a look at Katniss and she is smiling. She started smiling as her heartbeat slowed down. She knew what was coming and she accepted it. That's not the Katniss I know, she would have fought it not smiled. She has truly changed. She went from being happy, loving, introvet. From being depressed, hating me and well still an introvert. She shows weakness even when she doesn't want to that stayed the same. She has went from loving me to hating me and fearing me. I really want the old her to be back, before the Hunger Games. I don't care if she would never love me back for it I just want her to be happy. 

- Katniss PoV -

I wake back up and my smile immediatly turns into a face of fear as I see the mutts being in the same room as me. 

I still feel terrible and my stomach hurts so badly. I feel dizzy and the entire world is just spinning around like crazy. My head is hurting so bad I need to raise my eyebrows to make it feel a bit better. I tilt my head to the side to throw up once again. This time it was a bucket there so I didn't throw up on the floor this time. I hear people running up to me and it's the same people as before. This time I don't get flown with bad memories, it was a good one. I don't want to know if it was real or not. My head hurts so bad.

- Katniss? Prim asks.

- Hey little duck. I say and directly after I throw up in the bucket again.

- How are you feeling? She asks concernly.

- Not good. I have a huge headache, my stomach feels terrible. The entire world is spinning and I just want to sleep or die. I say to her.

I close my eyes and the spinning finally stops. It was a nice feeling but I was still feeling terrible. I cough as I feel an itching sensation in my throat and I look to see that blood has come up with the cough. Peeta, Prim and my mother are staring at what I just coughed up.

- Are you okay Katniss? Peeta asks.

- Yeah, it's just a little bit of blood. I say whilst coughing up more.

Peeta takes a glass of water on the table and he makes me drink all of it. The headache stops hurting as much but I still feel awful. 

- Thank you Peeta. I say before coughing some more.

The blood wasn't red, it was orange. Well all of my blood is orange and I have seen it happening before so I am in no direct shock. The others don't seem as calm as I am.

- How are you calm at the moment Katniss? Peeta asks me.

- It's a bit of pain and it might be strange but nowadays everything is strange so it's just get used to it and move on. I say back.

Doctors walks in and they tell Peeta and my family to leave the room. Prim and my mother walks out of the room but Peeta is skeptic. He kisses my forehead before leaving and the words that my father said to me comes back into my mind. Trust Peeta, trust the boy with the bread. He said. All those memories of him hurting me or trying to kill me must have been wrong if my dad told me to trust him. He would never want the worst for me, or so I hope atleast.

- So miss Everdeen, how are you feeling? One of the doctors asks me.

- Pretty bad. I got a headache and my stomach feels terrible. I've thrown up some more and I am coughing blood. The world is still spinning like crazy. I say.

We will take your restraints of so you can drink some water. The doctor says.

Two nurses comes and takes of my hand restraints. My feet are still stuck to the bed. I guess they don't want me to leave anytime soon. I get a glass of cold water and I try to drink some but it just makes me want to vomit even more. I manage to drink all of it and my headach is almost gone but seconds later I throw up in the bucket again. Everything that comes down goes up again. 

I take a seat on my bed now when I have the chance. I don't want to be here anymore so I manage to take my restraints off my feet. I collapse to the ground and I take out the feeding tube. I crawl towards the door and just as I am about to open it somebody else opens it first. The person who opened the door was Peeta. He didn't notice me on the floor first so he was scared when he didn't see me on the bed. He looks down to see me lying on the floor. 

- Katniss, what are you doing? He asks as he picks me up and puts me back on my bed.

- Getting the hell out of this place, this nightmare. I say as an answer.

- You need to heal and grow strong Katniss. He says.

I want to say something but bad memories comes flying past and I jump at him trying all I can to hurt him but I am too weak. 

- No Katniss. I love you, don't fall for those memories. He says calmly.

- YOU'RE A LIAR!!! MUTT, MUTT MUTT!!!! I yell out at him.

He puts me back on the bed and he holds me down. Just as he pushes my shoulders down to the bed one of them gets dislocated.

- AAAAAAH!!!! I scream in pain as it gets dislocated.

Peeta let's me go and I hold on my shoulder. It hurt like hell.

- You really are a mutt and want to kill me!!! I yell at him in anger. 

I want to attack him but I know I wont win so I stay sitting. A doctor walks in and they talk to Peeta. After their conversation ended the doctor walks up to me and fixes my shoulder. Peeta walks out and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. 

- It's okay Katniss, everything is going to be okay. The doctor says to comfort me.

- I hate him, he deserves to die! I yell to the doctor.

The doctor has nothing to respond with and therefore just walks out after restraining me to the bed. I hope I either wake up dead or I get to know he died. I hate him, the boy with the bread, Peeta.

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Suzanne Collins owns the novels and characters, I do not.