NOVEMBER 16TH, 2022.
TW: Angst.
— Lorraine thinks she finally got a taste of her own medicine. After faking her death and letting her friends and mother grieve her, and thinks that her mother dying and letting her grieve that loss, was her karma.
Her mother was a loving and kind soul who died at the young age of forty-two, almost forty-three.
She hadn't stopped crying since the day Billy told her of the passing of her dear mother.
She was eight when she lost her father, so she was still young and a kid, not fully understanding the loss of a loved one as far and deeply as she does now at nineteen. At nineteen, she understands what comes with death and its outcome, but at eight she thought it was sad and simple.
Losing her mother was a harsh wake-up call at the least. She never knew she could feel so numb until now. She got the news of her mothers passing two days ago, and she now only gets out of bed when she goes to the bathroom, otherwise she just has someone bring her her meals.
Her mind was now constantly filled and bombarded with the memories of her and her mother.
When Lorraine was younger she was constantly told by her family and peers that she looked perfectly like her mother when she was the same age. She still got told that from time to time when she was a teenager and her grandparents were still alive.
She remembers how her mother was the one who gave her the idea of poetry and writing stories that come far into the imagination. Her mother was the one who told her she was a good writer, and should look more into it.
Her mother was the one who told her about Blackmore, and encouraged her to go for it.
When Lorraine was six, her mother and father would help her build forts out of blankets and chairs, and watch whatever movie she wanted and it was a tradition for every Friday.
She just wants a family to have and to hold until she lays on her death bed and is no longer functional.
She wants to watch her children grow up in a healthy environment, with their mother and father, and just as a happy family in general, like she never got the chance to have.
She wants at least two kids, and she wants them both to be girls. She loves the idea of having daughters with Ethan makes her feel the happiest rather than having boys. Don't get her wrong, having boys would also be nice, but there's just something about having girls that lights her mood up.
Now, the harsh reality hits her.. she's the only person left in her family.
Her great-grandparents, her grandparents, and her parents were all dead, except for Billy of course, and her half-sister Samantha that didn't even know they were related to begin with.
Samantha never knew they were related, is what bothered her. Her and Sam weren't even close when she thought Lorraine was still alive. They didn't talk much when in company with each other, and didn't even have each others number in each others phones.
It was currently two in the morning, with all of these saddening thoughts looming through-out her head, weighing her down, and making her feel like she's been swallowing a dry pill for the past two days. She stares at the ceiling while wanting nothing more than to be stood beside her mother.
Never did she think she'd have to be going through this at the young age of nineteen. She wanted to be an old woman with her mother. She wanted to be the type of mother and daughter who'd always go out together when they're older.
She'd be 50 when her mom would have been 74. Her mom had her when she was freshly twenty four years old, October of 2003.
It was currently November 18th, 2022, and she remembered her mothers birthday being six days from then.
Her mother always encouraged her to be herself, and not let anyone influence her to be anything other than that. She let her be herself so that she could form her own individual personality. Her mother was supportive and loving towards Lorraine until her father died.
When her father died her mother became an addict then she just changed. She didn't individually spend time with her anymore, she just hung around herself and they stopped talking completely.
She would always go to school before her father died and get sweet notes in her lunchbox, and when that stopped once he died, she cried harshly at school.
She was always known at school for being the one whose father dramatically died.
Even though he wasn't her biological father, he was one of the sweetest men she's ever had the sole pleasure of meeting in her entire life. She'll never utter a harsh or rude thing about him, because if you knew him, you were blessed to.
She wished she could tell her mother how much she loved and appreciated her, which she never did think about til now.
It's horrible that people never really notice just how much this person matters to them until they're gone and you can't tell them. She just wants to say "Hey mom, I love you, and I care about you so much. Thank you for being the most supportive mother I could have ever imagined having."
Lorraine got up for the first time in two days to do something other than go to the bathroom. She walked over to her backpack, and inside was her poetry book and began writing exactly what she thought.
Her mother told her she should be a writer or poet, so what she was doing.. was being herself and writing her mother a letter.
To my lovely mother who had too little time, Cassandra Laurie Marsh.
I wish you were still here,
Just to stand beside me,
talk about life..
and hold my hand.
I wish you were still here to hug me when i'm upset, when nobody else can or will.
But you can't be here.
You're gone.
You won't be here to hold my hand,
or scold me when coming home late,
or judge my first boyfriend,
come to my college graduation,
my wedding,
or see your grandchildren like you so desperately wanted to.
But I know that you're here with me and seen, and heard everything.
Not in person,
But in my heart, you were and always have been with me.
You will still be there when I have kids of my own asking about their grandmother.
I'll always love you even if I never get to tell you in person.
You'll always be in my heart and soul, or in the footnotes of my life, you'll be there.
From your only daughter who loves you very much, Lorraine Nancy Marsh.
Lorraine felt pained, just knowing she'll never get to send this to her, or that she'll never get to see it herself.
Lorraine wanted to hug her, and tell her about what all was happening in her life at the moment. She wanted to tell her mother that she was in love.
She wanted to tell her mother that she knows the truth about her father.
She just wants to be near her and talking about absolutely anything. A mother and her daughter is a precious relationship, that she held near and dear when she grew up in her home with just her mother and herself.
Even though her mother was always in and out of it, she appreciated her. She just wished she had more sober time with her mother.
Lorraine missed her.
She missed her mother.
———————————————
I keep writing deep chapter after deep chapter but this one really got to me 😭😭
(I ALSO JUST REALIZED THIS IS THE SHORTEST CHAPTER NOOO)
Word count: 1,334
YOU ARE READING
𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 - 𝐄.𝐋 (𝘚𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘝𝘐) ✓
Fanfiction𝐄𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐲 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐎𝐜 Lorraine Marsh grew up in a restricting, secretive household after losing her father on her eighth birthday. But what she learns about her family, truly will change her life for what she thought it was. A...
