Isla Haraya: Maria (Published under IMMAC)

Chapter 3: The Waves of the Mind

Trigger warning: May contain sensitive topics such as death, sex, profanity, suicide, self-harm, drugs, alcohol, mental health, sexuality, etc. Please be guided accordingly and read at your own risk.

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Three in the morning.

I was tossing and turning at three in the morning, unable to get a blink of sleep because despite having a familiar bedsheet and what used to be my favorite pillowcases, everything felt so strange that I just wanted to be tucked under that cheap yet warm blanket that I bought online back at my apartment.

At three in the morning, I was struggling to find a comfortable enough position for me to sleep in that no amount of ASMR videos could relax me, and it was getting frustrating.

Nanay was expecting me to wake up early and the sun would be rising in a couple of hours and I still did not know what else I could do to get an ounce of rest, mainly so I would not be grumpy when we head to the family gathering. There had already been previous issues or drama about how I seemed unapproachable and I did not need more of those comments anymore because my parents would just find new reasons to give me a lecture about respect and family.

At twenty-six years old, I still felt like a teenager that needed to please my parents and relatives, appearing to be that innocent and respectful child that they once knew me to be, but maybe that version of me never existed. It was just an image that they made based on what they thought they knew about me or how I normally presented myself to them, which was mostly how my parents wanted me to act—respectful and polite.

Maybe there were parts of me that no one knew,

maybe even I did not know about them. But one

thing's for sure, those were the things I hated

because they hated them too.

"It's going to hurt so bad in the morning," I muttered under my breath as I rubbed my temples with my thumb and middle finger. There was no doubt that I was going to have a killer headache when I get up.

I was not sure around what time I fell asleep but drowning in my thoughts finally got me tired enough to finally get the rest that I needed...and wanted.

It was not a peaceful dream and it was not like I expected a peaceful slumber anyway. My dreams had always been a field of my innermost thoughts, a ground where my fears and emotions were sprawled for me to explore in utter confusion.

As someone who had limited knowledge of dream meaning, I usually relied on the internet to explain to me what my dreams meant, especially since they were always so vivid. Whenever I woke up, it felt like so much more—may it be feeling a pain in my arm after dreaming of getting shot, feeling that small flutter in my stomach after dreaming of kissing the guy I used to like in college, or gasping for air after dreaming that I was escaping a horrifying maze where I was being chased.

That night, or morning rather, it was different.

My feet were covered with sand, toes digging into the fine white sand that somehow felt so real. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore sounded calming as if it was nature's way of singing to me a lullaby. Looking up, the sky was clear and blue and the sun seemed to be smiling at me.

"Maria..." a soft voice whispered my name and it sounded like it was coming from behind me. I turned to look at where it was coming from but saw no one there. It was just a bunch of trees and a few bushes with vibrant-colored flowers. The place looked like a paradise, kind of familiar but still a bit strange. There was some kind of force that was pulling me toward the waters and I could not keep my feet from stepping in the direction of the sea.