Isla Haraya: Maria (Published under IMMAC)

Chapter 4: Walk Down Memory Lane

Trigger warning: May contain sensitive topics such as death, sex, profanity, suicide, self-harm, drugs, alcohol, mental health, sexuality, etc. Please be guided accordingly and read at your own risk.

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The entire trip to my uncle's house was a mix of awkward silence and old songs coming from the speakers. Tatay was driving while Nanay was in the passenger seat, as always, as they shared a whispered conversation.

The backseat had always been my spot ever since we got the first car. And it was that seat that showed me what good teamwork my parents have, which I appreciated and admired. For the longest time, I hoped to have a relationship like theirs. It always seemed so unique because I always heard stories about my friends' parents arguing about things that mine never really did. They always talked to each other before making big decisions and they always made sure to reach a compromise if ever they did not agree about some things.

And whenever I watched how good they were as a couple, it made me wonder if they really wanted to have a child or if they only planned one.

There was always that lingering feeling that I was not wanted,

that I was just being tolerated. It was what made me

question a lot of things about myself,

but mostly of my existence.

All my life, I felt like an outsider in my own family. It was always them against me with Joshua safely tucked under their arms. Despite being the youngest, stereotyped as the baby of the family and the one taken care of the most, I did not receive the amount of love and affection that I wished and hoped I received.

And it was one of the reasons why I distanced myself from my older brother even if he was trying to reach out to me as much as he could.

[Kuya Joshua]: Are you guys on the way?

[Maria]: Yeah.

[Kuya Joshua]: How are you?

[Maria]: Okay. You?

[Kuya Joshua]: Just busy but I'm okay. Sean misses you. He's asking if we can meet up with you at the end of the month.

[Maria]: I can't. I'm going on a solo trip at the end of the month. It's just for a weekend so the weekend after that, sure thing.

[Kuya Joshua]: Oh wow. That's good for you. Are you finally going to Japan as you always wanted?

[Maria]: Nah. Just here in the PH. I saw this awesome resort and the photos really convinced me to visit. Some soul-searching maybe? Haha.

[Kuya Joshua]: Wow! That's good. Send photos. Maybe we can visit there with the fam next time.

[Maria]: Okay okay. That sounds good. Also, Nanay has been asking me if you're coming to the reunion.

[Kuya Joshua]: I want to for you guys but I really don't want to see anyone else. Let's just set something for next month.

[Maria]: Sound like a plan, kuya. We're almost there. I'll update you.

It did not take us that long until we arrived and the first thing that I noticed was that there were no cars in front of the house yet which meant the others were still not there. I knew that I should not have been surprised because it happened before but a part of me expected that there was some kind of character development on their end but they never failed to disappoint me.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, triggering my parents because I knew how they hated it when people are late after setting a specific time. It was yet another pet peeve that I got from them.