For Better or For Worse

6

The tears had subsided, your head still pounding as you dried your eyes. Your body felt weak, you felt defeated. You wondered why you even came back, it wasn't worth it, none of this was. It felt like you had just fucked everything up. You wished you had just stayed home, continued putting Loki to the back of your mind because despite how harsh he had treated you since you arrived, you still felt giddy when your eyes would meet. You still felt his voice reverberate around your body. You still had goosebumps whenever his skin touched yours. You felt safe in his arms when he helped you up in the garden, a safeness you hadn't felt since you were married. He made you feel secure, worthy, loved. You had convinced yourself that you didn't need these feelings, that they were futile but it was because you were alone. Being back only made you realise you missed them, craved them, you missed Loki, you craved love.

You decided it was time to go. Perhaps this trip could just have been for closure. You managed to see Loki again and his knew beau, despite how unhappy they looked together. You saw Thor again and Frigga which was good. Hopefully this was enough, enough to stop the nightmares, the dwelling, the regret, the pain. This had to be enough because once you left today, you were closing this chapter of your life, forcing yourself to forget Loki. You knew deep down you'd always love him but you couldn't let that longing consume you any longer. He had moved on, why couldn't you? This was the end now. You'd carry the pain of your love with you forever but this couldn't go on so you packed your things.

Loki stood silent, staring at the spot you were just standing in once you left. He regretted his words, wished he had bit his tongue. He wished you hadn't come back in the first place so he could at least pretend to forget. You being here was a constant reminder of the betrayal. The loss. When you first walked into the room at the will reading, he wanted you to hurt, how he hurt, but seeing the expression on your face, he knew his words were heinous, malicious and he knew that you did hurt. They were horrible and yet he still said them.

Finally leaving the attic, he made his way downstairs, entering the kitchen before raiding the liquor cabinet and settling for a whisky as he mulled over the events. As he thought, he realised that he had never truly seen it from your prospective, the fact that maybe you wished you hadn't practically given up your child, he was too self absorbed. At the time, his heart was shattered but as time went on and he weighed up the variables, he realised that perhaps there were other reasons for your decision, maybe you couldn't face your mistake so he stopped hating you or at least tried to and yet he still spoke to you so harshly, treated you so harshly. Sometimes he hated himself too. Despite his progress, something about actually being in your presence again irked him. When you were gone, it was easier to hate you but seeing you again, he couldn't bring himself to and so he forced it. Emotions were confusing, he confused himself with them. He brought the glass to his lips again and realised that this anger towards you, this resentment was a deep seated love, a love for you that had never quite left him. A love that he tried to recreate with Rose but she just wasn't you.

After you packed your things, you swung the door open to leave only to be met by an angry faced Rose. You couldn't be bothered to give her the time of day and so you simply pushed past her and made your way down the hallway.

"Don't just ignore me you bitch." She hollered after you, following you down the hall.

"Just leave it Rose." You huffed, not turning to look at her.

"I'm talking to you." She spoke, placing her hand on your shoulder to stop your movements before you dropped your bag onto the floor and turned to her.

"What?"

As Loki poured another drink, his eyes glanced up at Thor who walked in. Thor took a seat before pouring himself a drink too. Despite Thors downfalls and how much Loki despised him, Loki still sought a confidante in his older brother, particularly when he was inebriated like he was now. He began to speak, Thor nodding along as Loki explained what happened in the attic.

"I don't know why I said it, maybe I wanted a reaction or I wanted her to feel something—I don't know, she just seemed so unbothered when she first arrived." Loki explained, now knowing that he was wrong.

"You think she doesn't hurt Loki?" Thor queried, brows knitting.

"I-I"

"She mourns Loki, more than you'd ever know." Thor shook his head, Loki slightly confused at Thors choice of words. "She lost two people." He mumbled.

"So did I" Loki exclaimed "and not by choice unlike her."

"No Loki you left" Thor argued "you left her and she had to pick up all the pieces."

Loki felt his heart hammering for a moment at the realisation of his speedy departure, he didn't even give you a chance to speak to him, to explain, he was so angry. He felt himself slouching before he remembered his late fathers words and sat straighter. She found out so she had to get rid of it. She couldn't face the consequences. With a newfound determination, a newfound bitterness, Loki spoke again.

"And you'd know all about that, wouldn't you. I bet you helped her pick the pieces up good and thorough." Loki spat.

"Loki?" Thor replied, almost questioning.

"I've seen the way you look at her, the way you've always looked at her, you think I didn't know." Loki continued, gritting his teeth as he thought about whether Thor even knew what he did.

"Loki stop." Thor tried to calm him down.

"You care for her deeply, too deeply."

"That's enough!" Thor insisted, smacking his palm against the table.

"Is it love? Do you love her? You do don't you? I knew it!"

"Have you gone quite mad?" Thor shouted, standing to his feet.

"You've ruined everything!" Rose shouted, pulling your hair as you struggled to break away from her, she was crazy. She practically launched at you when you turned around and now she was fighting you.

"Get off of me." You screeched, managing to nestle your hand into her hair too as you yanked her off.

"I hate you." She roared, charging at you again as you pushed her away. The both of you drew further down the hallway as you steadied yourself on the railing on the landing.

"Loki, you need to calm down." Thor tried to manage the situation, Loki angry as he threw his glass against the cabinet, she sound of it shattering sounding in the room.

"Just leave me alone!" Loki yelled before storming out of the room.

"You think you're so prissy with your stupid pictures and that ridiculous—"

"Bitch." You cut her off, slapping her across the cheek when you realised she was referring to the picture she found in Lokis pocket. That picture was precious.

"Do not call me a bitch!" She roared, pushing you against the low railing, leaning over you as the back of your legs pressed against it. "I don't know what he ever saw in you." She scoffed as you tried to push back against her only for her to push you again, rougher this time as your eyes widened as if you knew the outcome of this situation before it happened.

"Rose" you gasped, time speeding up as well as slowing at the same time as you were pushed over the edge, eyes closing as you began to fall.

"What a cun—Y/N!" Loki gasped, seeing the struggle as he sped towards you, knowing you were about to fall. He raced towards the bottom of the landing, falling against the floor as you crashed into his arms.