"How did you sleep last night," you ask
I slept well
Well not really
I didn't sleep at all
And I don't know where it all went wrong
Maybe it started with the aching in my body that started it
Or maybe it was the flashbacks
This bought of depression
The isolation
The I just want to disappear right now
I'm not really sure
But I don't know if the reason matters all that much now
But either way, I did not sleep last night
Between the thoughts that I am not enough and never will be
To the finally acknowledging that I am refusing to open up
That the "needs help" and "venting" channels won't be used any time soon by me
Even when I am in dire need
Because I can't open myself up
Maybe it's cause I'm hurt
Or maybe I'm dealing with intimacy issues
But you can't disappoint me
You can't hurt me
If there is a wall between us
And you can't see my struggles
All the tears I've cried
All the blood I've bled
If I keep you 5 feet away
So if you ask me how I slept last night
I'll say fine
And I'll fake a smile, hoping it comes to my eyes to hide just how tired I am
I'll hope that my achy muscles and breaking heart don't give me away
That the tear marks are gone and my eyes are no longer red and puffy
And I'll say I slept fine
