Let The Flames Begin ✓ | Mikey Way

Chapter Fourteen

My heart was still pumping out of my chest, even though our performance was over half an hour ago. Performing always had a different effect on me than playing did. Both made my heart rate go up, but for different reasons. Playing the music made me feel alive. The music took over my body and made me feel a way that I couldn't attempt to describe with words. However, performing was another story. I would always get nervous, not knowing how others would interpret the music. Especially when you mess up.

"Kris, calm the fuck down." Forrest said. "Relax, have some fun. Enjoy yourself-"

"I can't!" I yelled. "You can't expect me to just calm down by dragging me on roller coasters, and try to make me forget about the competition-"

"You can't change what happened. And you did great-"

"I did not do great! I messed up that one part in my solo! I played a dotted quarter-eighth note instead of two eighth notes!"

"Kris!" Mikey shouted. I immediately shut my mouth, as Mikey never yelled. When he did, it kind of scared me. He lowered his voice. "Please, just try to relax for the next hour and a half. I'm allowing you to freak out for the half hour of the awards ceremony, but until then, just shut up."

I sighed. "Okay." I continued following Forrest and Mikey, trailing behind a bit, with my hands in my pockets.

You messed up. You always do.

Even though he had been absent from my life for nearly a week, Daren was never absent from my mind. He was always there. His words echoed through my mind day after day. They bounced around my head endlessly, like a broken record. They would repeat and repeat and never stop. They never lost energy, but they often drained me of mine. I could never get any sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I seemed to be face to face with his.

Why can't you do anything right?

I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder, and I immediately jumped. My eyes darted around and my breathing became irregular, but soon slowed down when I realized it was only Mikey.

"Kris, are you alright? I'm sorry if I was harsh on you, I didn't mean to. I just don't like seeing you upset-"

I just immediately flung myself into his arms and buried my head in the crook of his neck. I didn't mean to, but it just happened. I could feel his t-shirt slowly getting wet from my tears before I had even realized that I was crying.

"Okay, you're not okay. Okay, c'mon, l-let's go over to the picnic a-area." I nodded into his chest as he spoke. I reluctantly let go, but he kept an arm protectively draped over my shoulder. Forrest kept shooting me weird glances, not knowing what was going on in my head.

We sat down at the picnic table and I tried to talk, but it came out as a pathetic sob. "Make it stop." I whimpered.

Forrest and Mikey shared a nervous, worried glance. "Kris," Mikey began slowly. "Calm down-"

Kris, calm down. Stop resisting, it'll make it worse-"

"No!' I screamed, putting my hands over my ears. "Stop! Please!" Forrest and Mikey both scooted closer to me, resting a hand on either shoulder. I shook my shoulders to fling them away. "Don't touch me!"

"We can't help you if we don't know what's going on!" Forrest shouted. Others were giving us weird glances by now, but I couldn't see them, as my eyes were squeezed shut.

I let out a long breath and lowered my voice. "Just make it stop," I whispered.

"Make what stop?"

"Everything," I said. "The voices, the feelings, the paranoia, the flashbacks, the insomnia, my parents, just make it stop!"

*Mikey's POV*