My Perfect Summer

Chapter 7

RENEE

"Ren, someone's here for you!" my mom called from downstairs.

I was completely confused because Claudia, Maddy, and I weren't going to hang out til later tonight and it was 12:00PM. And besides my two best friends, I wasn't really close to anyone like that.

"Okay, coming!" I shouted back.

I paused my music, which was Cardigan by Taylor Swift, took off my headphones and headed downstairs to open the door.

"Hey Ren-Ren!" Maddy squealed, squeezing me when I opened the door. "Are you ready to go?" she asked, when she finally released me.

"Go where?" I was confused.

"Change of plans, we're heading to the beach with the boys and there might be others, I'm not sure." Claudia said.

"Did you seriously not get my text," Maddy said dramatically.

"I don't know, I think my phone was on 'Do not Disturb'" I replied. "What a girl needs her quiet time while listening to Taylor Swift," I said when she gave me a look, "And what do you mean 'the boys.'"

"Sam, James, and Elijah." Maddy said, indicating her thumb to the black jeep behind.

"Sam invited us to go out boating and stuff, I'm not sure, but this one," Claudia jabbed at Maddy with her finger, "was more than happy to accept without asking either of us."

I laughed, "Well what can I say I'm the nice one in this group," Maddy said proudly.

"Yeah sure you are," Claudia said.

"They're not that bad," Maddy said.

"I have no interest in spending too much time with Elijah Collins and his friends." Claudia said.

"Anyways let's not let them wait too long, teenage boys can get impatient." Maddy said, "But I hope you're not wearing that Renny."

I look down to check out my outfit. I'm wearing black gym shorts with a red t-shirt.

"What?" I say, "It's not that bad."

"And what did I tell you?" Maddy said, tapping her foot.

"I've got to flaunt what I've got," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I'm doing this for your sake just as mine, so go change" Maddy said, shoving into the house.

*

I'm now wearing light washing denim shorts, with my plain blue halter bikini top, which I'm wearing the bottoms underneath. And I also a blue polo cap, on top of my head. I've also got my white Birkenstocks again and my beige tote bag full of sunscreen, etc, etc.

See, not too bad, I thought.

When I got to the jeep, Elijah was in the driver's seat, and Maddy the passenger. James, Claudia, and Sam, were all seated in the back.

"Oh shoot, five seats I forgot," Maddy grumbled.

"Hop on," Claudia said, tapping on her leg.

I chuckled, taking a seat on her lap.

"If I get arrested it's on both of you," Elijah said, starting the jeep.

In the backseat, Sam sat on the far left opposite to Clauds and I, while James sat in the middle.

Both wore swim trunks, except James were blue which he had a white t-shirt with, and Sam's were green which he paired with a white graphic tee, were Bugs Bunny laying down eating a carrot, with a pleased look on his face, the words Playboy written under Bugs Bunny.

"Nice shirt," I said to Sam, whilst chuckling.

"You know it," he replied with a grin that reached his eyes.

I offered a closed lip smile, because I can't remember the last time I smiled like that, as if I was truly happy.

I try to smile and be happy, because I was that happy girl. The funny girl who was always laughing and putting smiles on people's faces.

And the funny thing is I was once truly that happy girl.

Maybe I did seem like everything was alright, that my life was perfect.

But, that couldn't be farther from the truth, I haven't felt like my life was almost perfect ever since my father passed. I don't know if I'd be able to be that girl again.

Because the reality is? I feel tired, completely drained.

In the daytime when I'm out with my friends or in public, I put on a fake smile and pretend everything's okay. Because I don't need anybody's sympathy, I've already had enough of that to last me a lifetime.

I don't like when people are worried about me. So I put on that facade and pretend everything's okay.

But, after the daytime, when it's nighttime? When I'm by myself and alone. I go up to bed, and just cry.

Cry, until I can't feel anything, and when I can hear my own sobs echoing from my bedroom, or the shower. It didn't matter, I just had to be by myself, so that I could feel just that ounce of freedom.

Sometimes, I did wonder how it would feel if all of this would just disappear. I wondered how it would feel if I didn't have to put on a fake smile. If I could just fit in and by myself. 

I don't want to disappear like that. But it would make everything easier, if all this I'm feeling, this sadness, loneliness, would just go away.

But, I don't know if I'd get that lucky. For now, all I know is this. Fake smiles, and tears.

And maybe this group, my friends, can be my found family. But that's just a maybe. And I've grew to not believe in maybes.