Chapter 1

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RENEE

My mother and I had been driving for a long time when we drove past a familiar sign that read 'Welcome To Cape Cod.' We drove past the familiar houses, shops, and parks. I could smell the salt water in the air and usually this feeling would cause something in me to spark.

I always felt like Cape Cod was my home, and when each summer came, that's when I really began to live. Between the months of June through August. But, that feeling I usually felt? It just wasn't there.

This was the first summer my mother and I would spend without my Father. Well technically, we did have summer last year, but we hadn't come to Cape Cod. And if we weren't by Cape Cod Bay, it wasn't really summer.

It was always a tradition to come here for the summer. We own a Beach house, which has beach access to.

My Father and Mother bought the beach house soon after they got married. They had that kind of summer love I wish to have someday. When they bought the house they were promising to share the love they have for this season with their children. Their children. They did wish to have many children, but it just didn't work out that way. It took many tries just to conceive me.

And I'm the greatest gift the world could offer, they loved to tell me.

I love them so much, and I will miss my Father til the end of time.

Ever since he passed, nothing had been the same. My Mother wasn't at all the same after his death. And neither was I. Nothing would ever hurt as much as his death had. It stung, real hard. It feels like someone shot an arrow right through your heart and is slowly taking it out.

And ever since his death? I have yet to feel something, because right now, I just feel empty. Completely empty.

Now, after his death, I know, I will never again have the kind of love a father and daughter have. The kind of smiles they share, to feel like someone loves me the way he had. I had a taste of it, but I will never have it again. He's gone, and nothing can change it.

But it hurts, and this kind of sadness I have? It feels like I'm drowning and I cannot breathe.

And I try. I try to smile and to be happy. But I just feel so empty. Like I will never completely be happy again. I will never be that me again.

And one day, if I ever find that someone, I hope, I just hope they just see past this fake of a smile I plaster on my face and just pull me close. And hold me forever, and to never let go. And when I say "Nothings wrong, I'm okay." I truly hope they say, as they hold me tight, "No, you're not okay."

But who knows, maybe this summer will help me learn to feel again. But I know too well to not give my hopes up like that.

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