Assassin's Joy

Hospital

"Sir," Alek greeted as he walked into the Big Man's office. "I have some troubling news."

"What is it?"

"Cole just attempted to take his own life. He also cut off his own ear, the one that we had installed the ear piece in. We have no means of contacting him."

"Are you able to shock him?"

"Yes."

"Then every fifteen minutes, shock him. Every once and a while, up the voltage so he doesn't get used to it and can block it out. Until he arrives back, we will remind him of his mission. We may not be able to speak to him, but we will not leave him alone. He's our property."

Alek nodded. "Anything else sir?"

"While, during the time he's been away, we did recruit someone else his age. Send him in."

"Griffin Turner? Are you sure?"

"Yes. He may not have the training that Cole does, but he is loyal to us. He won't be the one to carry out the task, but he will make sure that Cole gets it done."

"I'll go tell him."

"Good. Next week, if the task is not complete, we'll pop in for a little visit."

Cole slowly opened his eyes, but quickly squeezed them shut. The light hanging above him was bright, painfully so. He could feel someone's hand holding his.

He groaned and opened his eyes again, blinking rapidly to get them used to the brightness. He looked around him and found the whole ninja team was there, even Lloyd, most of them asleep. He looked at his left hand then at Jay, who had fallen asleep hunched over and gripping his hand.

"What's going on?" he croaked to himself.

Zane, the only one awake, looked at him. "You're awake."

"I guess so."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"Uh, training and accidentally hurting Lloyd. I went to my room and the rest is blank."

"I see. Well, yesterday you tried to kill yourself. The note you wrote doesn't explain why."

Cole stared at him then looked at his lap. "Why?"

"I just said—"

"No. Why did you save me?"

"Because you are our friend. You are our brother. We love you and want you to be happy. I do not understand why you cannot see how important you are to us all."

"I'm not a good person."

"I beg to differ, Cole. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You are able to sympathize with anyone and you want to protect as many people as you can. You would never hurt someone on purpose."

"I hurt Lloyd."

"And he's forgiven you as he knows you did not mean to."

"I've stolen things."

"You grew up on the streets. Food and clothing is necessary to survive."

Cole looked at Jay then at Zane. "What did my note say?"

Zane took it out of his pocket and handed it to him.

'I'm sorry everyone.

I know you all trust me and support me, but you shouldn't. I don't deserve your love. I deserve the worst things to happen to me while you all live happy lives without me.

I can't tell you why I'm doing this, but know that it isn't any of your faults. I've had this coming for years. Being trapped in my own mind is worse than anything we've gone through. Being trapped by my past and guilt is suffocating. I can't do it anymore.

Jay, you're my best friend. It took me too long to realize my feelings for you. When I did, you and Nya had gotten together. I want you to be happy with her, love her as she deserves. She'll love you in the way that you deserve. I love you so much. Not as a brother, not as a friend, but as a lover. I understand if you never want to think about me again after learning this.

Nya, treat Jay right. He loves you so much. You own his big heart, don't break it.

Sensei, I'm sorry that I failed you. I'm not as good as you think I am. Thank you for seeing the best in me, but it's undeserved. Put your faith into someone worthy.

Everyone else, I'm so glad I got to know you. You all are the family I never got to have.

My mom died when I was young. I barely remember her, I just remember that she had a beautiful soul and a kind smile that lit up the room. My dad left me at a park a week or two after she died and I haven't seen him since. For years, I held onto the anger and the hurt that it left, but I think I'm finally able to let go of it. I don't think I would've met any of you if he hadn't done that.

Thank you all. I love you,

Cole'

Cole stared at the paragraph he had written addressed to Jay, his heart rate increasing. His hand  that held the note shook.

"Take a deep breath," Zane instructed.

"Zane... how can you be so calm?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm in, I'm assuming, the hospital. Lloyd and I are both hurt because of me. You should be angry at me."

"I'm not angry."

"Disappointed?"

"Concerned. Have you been feeling this way for some time?"

"I guess."

"Do you want to talk about what is causing it?"

"I can't."

"Why is that?"

Cole looked around anxiously and whispered just loud enough to Zane to hear him, "they're always listening."

"Who?"

Cole didn't respond, falling back asleep. His fingers twitched, body tensed and his nose scrunched up before his face and body relaxed.