Thomas Hewitt: End Of The Line

When I Loved Her

Hoyt strode out of the Hewitt house with a skip in his step. He heard the door open behind him after he left her, that was all the confirmation he needed to know that he had won. That wicked grin of his crept onto his lips as he imagined her shock. He was sure her devastation would satisfy that growing need to wound more than any physical death he could give her would. It would hurt her more that way, it would crush her heart beyond repair. Thomas' heartbreak would merely be entertainment, it was her he wanted to damage in each and every way. He leaned against the old house and watched with unbridled anticipation as Thomas slowly but surely made his way over. His body was buzzing with such a sick and twisted excitement he could barely keep his toes from tapping the bottom of his boot.

"You get everythin' your mama asked you to do done?" He asked as Thomas pushed the front door open beside him.

Thomas turned his head towards his brother expecting the same old dissatisfied expression laced with a hint of disgust that was always present of late. Instead, he noticed a gleam in his eye. He looked excited to see him, which based on who Hoyt was, wasn't good. Thomas' mind immediately went to Ronnie, naturally, though he tried to hide his worry from him the best he could. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction if he could help it. He nodded his head.

"Good. Guess you could go on in and play with that little toy of yours," Hoyt said before he stuffed some tobacco into his lip, "there's your reward for bein' such a good dog."

Thomas clenched his jaw before he slammed the door behind him. The house was quiet, it usually was when Mama left for the day, but when that door closed a sense of dread fell over him. The silence was deafening, the kind that made the low ringing in your ears more prominent. Worry began to swell deep in his chest. Hoyt had done something, he could feel it. He took a few steps forward, then he saw it. The basement door was ajar the poorly lit dingy walls within stared back at him with the looming threat of a loss he wasn't quite sure he could bear. There was only one person in the Hewitt household who would have ventured down there without closing the door behind her and it wasn't Mama.

He wanted so badly to stay where he stood. He wasn't sure he would be able to face her or the shame he knew was waiting for him. It was already worse than any other he'd felt before. In fact, he wondered if he had every truly felt shame until that moment. All of his sin was on full display, the monster that he was, that he tried so hard to hide from her had been exposed. The only motivation he found to trudge his way down there was the thought that she was alone and more than likely frightened. Though he knew he was probably the last person she would want to comfort her, he began his decent down the stairs. He could hear her cries before he turned the corner to find her standing in the middle of all his horror, head hung and holding herself tightly. Her shoulders shook for each sob she tried to stifle. He stood there and watched. He knew he couldn't justify any of it. He was a guilty man, guilty of it all and this was his punishment. He had to watch it break the woman he loved more than life itself. He had to watch it take her from him.

She started to turn and he braced himself. He was sure her words would wound him irreparably, but he wasn't quite prepared to see her eyes, that was what truly broke him. There it is, he thought to himself, there's that fear she should have had when she first looked at him. They were wide, bloodshot and filled with a pain he could feel deep in his bones. All of her affections for him, all her forgiveness was gone, dead as the skin that hung from the hooks surrounding her. She clutched herself tighter as she looked upon him.

"I don't know you," she whispered, "I never knew you at all."

A month had passed since then. Each day seemed like an eternity in and of itself for the both of them. That deafening silence hung about as a reminder of the rift that had been created. Ronnie hadn't spoken a word since that day and Thomas had abided by her request. She didn't have to say it, he already knew what was required of him. Each morning he made sure to wake long before her and vacate the room. He stayed outside for the most part, sometimes he hoped the heat would kill him, give him an end to his suffering. He caught glimpses of her through the windows occasionally. She did her best to participate in the duties asked of her, lips sealed and eyes empty. It was as if the time he had spent with her had been a false reality after all, you would have never known there had been such love between them. He clung to the memory of her touch, the way she smelled, the way it felt to be wrapped up in her. He knew in his heart that the day he forgot would be the day he stopped breathing. To lose her was worse than death, but until her safety was guaranteed, he would be sure to keep breath in his lungs.