Ghost BC - Trans Papas

IV - Self conscious Papa

"Morning honey", you smiled as you drew the curtains in the morning and watched the sun let its rays fall onto your beloved Copia who was still laying in bed. Usually, he'd now jump up and probably grab you to cuddle with him for another ten minutes so you'll both end up being late. But something seemed off this morning.
"Wake up, sleepy head", you'd laugh as he still hasn't moved. You shook him gently now and his head would slowly raise but without opening his eyes, he let out a groan and turned around. This really was not like the Papa, he'd never miss out on clinging onto you like a koala, especially in the mornings.
"What's wrong?", you then asked.
"Have you been working in late again?", your voice was in a teasing tone but soon turned serious as he did not respond.
"Copia?"
"Please leave me alone", he'd mumble in his pillow, his voice shaking a little.
You really began to worry now and walked over to his side.
"Are you hungry? I could make us some breakfast"
"I'm not hungry", he said grumpy but you'd soon hear a little growl from under his blanket.
"I can hear you are, are you sure you don't want to eat?"
He shook his head slowly.
"Look at me", you said serious now.
No reaction.
"Copia, look at me", you'd then repeat yourself a little louder. His head moved a little from under the blanket and his slightly opened, mismatched eyes were looking at you.
"Tell me what's up. I can tell something is wrong."
"It's nothing", he sniffed silently in a thick Italian accent. The stronger the emotion, the thicker the accent so you could tell something was really nagging on him.
"Honey, I can hear something is up", you now took a seat next to him.
"Did I do anything to hurt you?", you then asked a little worried, afraid you hurt him without noticing.
He quickly shook his head now.
"No, it's not your fault. It's me, it's all my fault", he'd then whine a little and you slowly pulled the blanket away from his head so you could face him properly.
Slowly, you'd let your hand reach for his cheek and rub it gently with your thumb.
"What is your fault?", you'd ask carefully.
"Everything. It's my fault I'm not good enough and I never will be", he slowly began to curl up. "I can't even stand my own body and personality. It's so horrible, there's nothing likeable about me! Maybe it would be better if.."
You interrupted him.
"Don't you dare say such things about yourself! That's my boyfriend you're talking about there and I love him so much!"
You now cupped his face in your hands.
"Look, I don't know who or what made you think the way you do but let me tell you there's nobody in the whole wide universe I'd rather spend my days with than you. You're the sweetest, kindest and prettiest man there'll ever be".
He began to form a faint smile and suddenly wrapped his arms around you, his eyes tearing up a little.
"I'm so sorry I'm being like this, you must be exhausted from me"
"No honey, not at all", you said and wrapped your arms around him too.
"You never exhaust me! Well I mean.. except for in bed but you know what I mean. Your feelings are valid and I get that it can all be a little tough at the moment. You've become Papa and Nihil the old corpse is probably chasing you around wherever you are"
"Yes, he never stops criticising me", he'd sniffle.
"But that's not it..", he mumbled and you could hear his voice break.
"I can't stand seeing myself at the moment, every time I see myself in the mirror, I feel like crying. I'm sick of wearing a binder", he'd wrap his arms around himself. "I'm sick of my chest, I'm sick of seeing it's shape underneath whatever I'm wearing and I'm scared of not being manly enough", a few tears would now stream down his cheeks and you felt your heart ache horribly.
"Copia, you are the most manly and handsome man to ever exist. How could you ever think you're not enough for me? You'll always be enough. I love the sound of your voice, I love your body and your beautiful eyes".
The faint smile from before would return on his face.
"You're the most manly man in the world, with or without binder. You got that?", you wiped away the tears from his cheeks.
He nodded gently.
"Thank you", he said and reached for the back of your neck to pull you down to him and place a soft kiss on your lips.
"I love you, Copia", you whispered.
"I love you too, cara mia", he'd whisper back.