Ghost BC - Trans Papas

II - Secondo's Secret

Secondo, a wounded and bitter old man. Never a smile on his face, never would he show nice gestures to those close to him. He did care but would not let one know easily, they'd be gifted with not being yelled at. People would whisper behind his back once he passed by, still a grumpy guy who probably doesn't even know the word fun.
None of them would consider that the reasons behind his behaviour, is a deep wound, dripping from trauma for years and not close to healing. They would not consider that being trans is as much of a struggle as it was to him, he was expected to be old enough to deal with all the hate but was he? Truth is, nobody knew the hate for himself that lurked within his very soul, that he did not hate them but him for being who he was. Of course his brothers did their best to cheer him up and help him to love himself more, especially Primo who was pretty much the only one he'd let in his heart. Yet, his resentment would never truly vanish.
As Secondo was walking the long corridors of the ministry, on his way to the garden to meet up with Primo, he'd walk past the kitchen, thinking about grabbing a tea before he'd make his way out into the cold October evening. Chatter echoed from behind the wooden doors as he was about to enter. With a deep breath he told himself he could do it, that they wouldn't say a thing if he managed to keep his cool. So he entered and listened to all laugh silencing within a second.
"Don't mind me", he'd say in the friendliest tone he could do which was however not the most convincing.
He quickly grabbed a bag of tea, filled his cup with hot water and two sugars and made his way out. With the tea in his hands, he struggled to get the door closed properly behind him so it would open again as he was about to leave. However, the people inside did not seem to notice.
"He's so creepy", a sister of sin spoke and the pejorative sound of her voice followed Secondo across the hallway. He stood still, almost like paralysed and listened in shock.
"Right? He's always so grumpy", another one would agree.
"I hate being around him".
These words slowly made him tremble, a bit of tea spilled over his hands but the ache in his heart was bigger than the one on his skin. As they changed the topic, he left as fast as he could, not bothering to close the door. He walked fast over the marble floor, almost dropping the cup from shock. As he stormed through the doors to the garden, he couldn't hold it anymore.
"Fratellino, finally you're here", Primo said with a smile as he was watering his tulips.
The next thing he heard was a cup breaking on the stone floor, spilling the tea over it. He looked to the side to see what happened and dropped his watering can seeing his brother leaned up against the wall, slowly sliding onto the floor. He rushed over in shock and kneeled next to his brother.
"Fratello, what's wrong?", he asked in panic and checked his brother for any wounds or else.
He stopped looking for physical wounds as he heard a little sniff coming from the younger man.
"Secondo", he sighed and looked at him worried, something had happened again.
"I could hear them talk about me again, their devious words still ring in my ears", he stared against a wall, the voices repeating themselves in his head.
"They think I'm creepy and grumpy. They hate me. Oh why does everyone always hate me?", he looked at his older brother, tears starting to form in his eyes. Primo's heart broke a little, he couldn't take one of his brothers being sad.
"No, no they do not". They just don't know how amazing you.. can be", Primo replied reassuring.
"But maybe they're right.. maybe I'm just creepy and damned to feel like shit"
"Stop saying such things, Secondo. They don't know you, they don't know what you went through"
"Yeah but they know enough to judge me, it's always been this way that people hate me because I'm different. They point their fingers and whisper, hoping I wouldn't notice but I do"
"Only people who know half the truth would judge this quickly and you know that. Maybe if you tried being a little bit nicer, they'd stop. I know it's hard but it'll pay out. Just a little smile and a few kind words"
Secondo sighed.
"I can't like anyone when I can't even like myself. I hate being who I am, I hate my voice, I hate my face, I hate-"
"Secondo, please. I know it hurts not being on testosterone but you've only discovered who you really are just recently. Give things a little time, we both know Nihil's suppressed you for too long"
"I rather not repeat what he said to me this morning", Secondo huffed ironically.
"What?", Primo suddenly asked with a serious face.
"He called me a waste of space, that I was the most incapable of us", he sighed and Primo shook his head disappointed.
"Nihil's the incapable one. I wouldn't listen to that walking corpse any further second. You are super capable and-", Primo lowered his voice a little.
"my absolute favourite brother", he gave Secondo a little wink and the man formed a little smile on his face.
"Thank you for cheering me up. But I suppose I will never forget all the things that have been said to me"
"Nobody expects you to but maybe with time, you can forgive them".
He spread his arms and waited for his younger brother to permit him to hug him which he eventually did. Primo wrapped his arms around Secondo as he'd done ever since they were children.
"And now come, let's play a round of Uno", he then suggested and the two of them walked back inside.