Ghost BC - Trans Papas

VIII - Panic

Big TW for this chapter, panic attacks and body insecurities

Late afternoon, the clergy gathered in the conference room.
"Tomorrow is the first ritual of the year", Sister began to introduce the meeting.
"Papa", she then continued and faced Terzo who stared at the table in absence.
"Hm?", he slowly lifted his stare to the stern looking woman.
"Tomorrow's ritual is the first time the congregation is going to meet you after top surgery, do you feel capable enough for this?"
He nodded still a little absent.
"I don't mind, our clergy resembles freedom to be who you are, I trust in that they know to project that onto their Papa as well"
"You know the Cardinal would be ready to take over for you if you don't feel comfortable enough"
Copia waved friendly and Terzo knew he'd do well as his replacement but the fans would get confused by the sudden change.
"Now don't spoil the man, he's perfectly fine"
"Nihil, you've got the emotional range of an stonewall", Copia rolled his eyes.
"No, a stonewall's got more", Secondo added dry and the others tried holding back a laugh.
"Whatever", Terzo continued.
"I'm perfectly fine, I'll do the ritual as always and probably nobody's gonna notice anyways", he shrugged and stood up from his chair before leaving the room, covering his shaking hand carefully. As he'd reached a distant corridor and was sure nobody had followed him so far, he let himself fall against the polished wall and closed his eyes, listening to his rushing heartbeat increasing.
He didn't know what made him so worried about tomorrow but he surely was panicking right now.
Images of people booing and threatening him, throwing things at him and calling him names would flash by his inner eyes as he whimpered quietly in the corner.
"They're gonna see it", he whispered to himself.
"They're gonna hate me, they're gonna hate me", he then repeated and pressed his eyes shut, feeling tears watering his cheeks as he slowly sank to the ground.
At some point, he felt like his throat had swollen close and he'd gasp for air.
"Copia", he'd cough, looking around in panic, searing for his best friend as he banged his fist against his chest.
Suddenly, he could hear footsteps in the distance. Calmly walking with leather shoes on the marble as they'd suddenly quicken, hurrying towards his direction.
"Terzo? Terzo are you alright?", a familiar voice asked in panic and seconds later, Terzo found the Cardinal's face hovering above his own.
"Oh Satan, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"Can't.. breathe!", the Papa coughed desperately.
Copia checked Terzo's neck for anything suffocating him but couldn't find anything.
"Are you having a panic attack?", he'd then ask and the other guy nodded.
As clumsy as Copia could be, he'd at first fiddle with his fingers, unsure of what to do and afraid to only make it worse. Eventually, he helped Terzo sit up carefully while checking on the other man's breathing.
"You'll be fine, Terzo. Look at me", he spoke in a clear voice, trying to calm him down as much as possible.
Terzo slowly looked up at Copia, doing his best to keep the eye contact.
"Whatever you do, always look at me, alright?", he asked and got a nod in response.
"You're afraid of how the congregation will react to your new appearance, right? But there truly is nothing to worry about, you said it yourself, they will love you no matter what".
"What if they don't? They're gonna see and judge and hate!"
The Cardinal shook his head.
"They will not, it will be the opposite!"
"No Copia.. it's gonna be awful, they're gonna hate on me everywhere I go!"
"They're gonna love you! You will be a symbol to them! A symbol of bravery and self love, the sign that they won't have to hide from the world anymore!"
Terzo suddenly managed to breathe again as he pictured Copia's words.
"You think so?"
"I do! And whatever happens, I'll always be here", he reached his hand out to Terzo who slowly grabbed it and was helped onto his legs. The Papa immediately threw his arms around the Cardinal.
"I'm with you always", he'd sing.
"Always", Terzo responded.
"Thank you, Copia"

Author's note: I promise this was the last dark chapter for a while, though I had to use the idea. Hope you liked it anyways :D