New Assistant

fake it🖤

you can play it over and over

we arrived at the venue it was huge, of course it was, i took every fibre and muscle  in putting a smile on my face soon stepping out the car i have to be happy for them and him i thought; as we entered i  walked behind as they took a tour of the place, i placed a smile on just to look at least a little better soon they started the cake testing and i watched as she fed him and he fed her my eyes were starting to sting and so i excused myself going to the bathroom i broke down the moment i entered the bathroom i was in pain and it was no joke i felt dumb, unimportant, unwanted and my thoughts weren't helping i know it was my fault but i felt a feeling in my gut and i didnt know what it was and made me crazy i wiped my face using my tears to moisturize my lips before walking out as i placed a smile i saw the garden and decided to sit there couple minutes past and my mind told me to check on whats going on but its like i was trapped in my mind and body i couldn't move so i sat there, few more minutes passed and it looked like it was going to rain i got up and walked inside seeing the janitors cleaning "excuse me where are the two clients" "oh mr and mrs james" "y-yes" "they left 10 minutes ago to start the rehearsals down the church down the street" "oh thanks for telling me" i said walking out so they left me wow "why are you saying wow i told you you're unwanted and extremely unimportant" my mind said "s-shut up" i replied great now im talking to myself, i began walking and i was not even half way when the rain poured down i was soaked completely and i just broke down completely at least no one can see that im crying i walked even slower as my eyesight got blurrier after 10 minutes i arrived and they were walking down the aiel "sienna" he said rushing towards me "are you okay youre soaked i knew we shouldn't have left you" "its fine, im fine, everything's fine" i say smiling bright as i went and stood in a corner as they continued; the day ended and i was exhausted and broken i had to drive back with them and i had to listen to laura complain about me wetting the seats so i told them to drop me off i lied and said i lived close they dropped me off and drove away i just walked in the rain locked inside my head giving into the thoughts

sienna didnt look good from the moment she arrived at work, her eyes were puffy and she looked so dead i wanted to talk to her but laura came in so i scold her instead she just apologized and gave me my schedule it was just filled with wedding arrangements  soon we went to the venue and laura was over doing this act and i just had to play along as we were testing the cakes she left the room and i couldnt help but feel upset at myself i wanted to hug her and just hold her but she had a boyfriend, soon it was over and she was nowhere to be found "babe lets go so we can see the church" "but- no she can walk it's not that far plus the time is upon us" i just agreed and left since the distance wasnt that far.... as we arrived the rain showered down heavily i wanted to turn back and collect her but the priest came out saying he had somewhere else to be so i went in and started but i couldnt focus sienna was on my mind soon the door opened showing how wet she was i ran to her in a panic she claimed to be fine but her eyes were dull everyone was looking at me weirdly so i gave her space and continued with the rehearsals; after we were done we drove home but laura just kept on pushing her i wanted to hit her so bad but i contained myself she told us to let her off i tried to stop her but she was being stubborn more than usual and she looked empty, ater the car stopped she jumped out immediately walking away that night my mind was filled with only her but just decided it was because her boyfriend went back to school.

it was 9:50 went i arrived home i skipped dinner and just cried myself to sleep in my wet clothes. i woke up at 2 i couldnt sleep so i went for a walk and went to the playground sitting on a swing, just sitting in silence not a single thought  in sight,a plane then flew over the nights sky catching my attention soon a thought finally appeared i rushed home and opened my laptop doing research im gonna need more money i thought im gonna need to push through for a couple more weeks i went back and started looking on houses and apartments and job opportunities. it was 4 when i finally stopped and went to work i entered the office seeing the two making out gross i thought "sorry i'll leave" "no stay this is your office after all plus im sure you kiss your boyfriend in public" laura said batting her long lashes "im pretty sure you'll understand when he proposes or maybe he won't" she whispered the last part so couldnt hear it and im happy i did because i had to remind myself about the plan so i placed a big smile on my face soon clapping my hands together "oh well we should go dont want to be late you guys have an aisle to walk down"  said exiting the room, for the entire day i hid my feelings and smiled and held back the tears watching them kiss at the altar i watched it so many times and i kept wishing that i was in her place or i remembered our kiss i knew it was bad to imagine but i needed to cope with something, something to feel better, i played with my emotions to feel something... i could be an actor if i wanted.