Vengeance

twenty seven

Changbin walked with Felix down the dark hallways of the basement. Though he wasn't cleared to be around the other survivors upstairs, Changbin had gotten permission to take him out of the lab for a while as long as he stayed close. It was just driving him mad, knowing Felix and all the others were stuck in that sterile space with no natural light.

"Whatcha thinking about, Bin?" Felix asked as he swung their hands back and forth while they walked.

"You," Changbin said playfully, trying to push his angry thoughts away.

Felix rolled his eyes.

"Bin, come on. You can tell me anything."

"It's nothing. I'm just being a grump."

"That's because you're always a grump. But it's usually for good reason. So spill."

Changbin shook his head.

"I took you out of that space so we could talk about something other than zombies and cures and scientists, Lix. Let's just forget about all of that for now. I just want to spend some time with you, not as some sort of test subject but as my Yongbok. Okay?"

Felix's playful poking had brought on Changbin's serious side, causing Felix's smile to fall a bit, realizing Changbin wasn't in a place to joke around right now.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to push."

Changbin's eyes quickly grew and he gripped Felix's hand.

"No, don't be sorry! You weren't pushing."

Felix looked at Changbin, really looked at him. There was a darkness in his eyes. One that hadn't been there before. He'd seen it ever since he got back, even though Changbin tried to hide it around him. As much as they wanted to move on with their lives like normal, they couldn't ever go back to how it was. Not really.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Changbin teased, realizing he'd killed the mood.

"No...it's just...are you okay, Bin?"

Changbin smiled, nodding.

"Yeah. You're here now."

The words stung. Felix had expected it but he didn't like seeing how much his failure to protect himself had hurt the one he cared so much about. His words hid the details of the past few weeks.

I couldn't make it without you.

"Bin...I'm sorry."

Changbin sighed.

"Yongbok, what could you possibly be sorry for?"

"For leaving you."

"You didn't leave me, I left you."

"That's not fair! I was a zombie. You stayed until the end even after I told you to go when I was still human. Looking back at everything, I can see how stupid I was. I kept thinking I had to sacrifice myself to clear your head and save you the burden but leaving you hurt you more than any zombie could've."

Changbin stopped, pulling Felix close as he put his hands on his shoulders.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Doesn't mean it didn't happen. If I had just decided to wait or something, maybe you could've come back later. Maybe–"

"Lix, there's no reason to try to change the past. What matters is we're together now. Besides, I can't even imagine what you've gone through on your own. It must have been way worse than anything I went through."

Felix pulled away, the mention of those dark days of mindlessness reminding him of the stark difference between them. He couldn't just pretend he was normal. Not yet.

"We should probably head back to the lab. I feel bad knowing they're worried about me being out. I don't want to make anyone panic."

Changbin's eyes were confused as he scanned his face for an answer.

"Are you sure? We've only been gone about half an hour. I don't think they'll mind."

"Yeah, it's probably safer for me to be there."

Changbin reached a hand up to Felix's cheek but he pulled away, walking back towards the lab.

"Lix..."

"I'm fine. I just don't think I'm ready to pretend I'm human. Not when the risks are still there."

Changbin quickly caught up, grabbing Felix by the wrist.

"Felix."

Felix turned, unable to ignore him anytime he called.

"Can we talk about this?"

"What is there to talk about, Bin? I've attacked human beings. I've tasted blood. I heal freakishly fast. I don't remember existing for an entire week and I hear whispers in my head that set my blood boiling, like there's some sort of uncontrollable and undeniable rage inside me that calls for blood!"

Changbin's eyes were soft.

"Yongbok..." he said quietly, unsure what else to say.

"How am I supposed to just forget, Bin?! How am I supposed to look you in the eye and pretend I won't do the same to you?? I'm not the same guy you fell in love with. As much as you can look past it, I can't. You weren't there. You haven't seen what I'm capable of."

Changbin stepped forward, pulling Felix into a tight embrace. Felix fought to pull back but Changbin held firm.

Just like before.

"Stop! You can't just fix me! I'm not your problem to solve!"

Changbin wouldn't let go, tears rising to his eyes as he held him close.

"I didn't just fall in love with the freckled boy at JYP. I fell in love with you. No matter what happened to you. No matter what you do or what you say, I'm not going anywhere. I told you, you're the only one. Even if you stop loving me, I'll never stop loving you."

Felix's outburst slowed as he started to cry, burying his face in Changbin's chest. Changbin held tight to him, reaching a hand up to stroke his hair.

"I mean it, Lix. No matter what."

They stayed in the hallway for a while until Felix's sobs began to slow. He started to shift and Changbin finally let go, looking into his teary eyes.

"I don't throw my love around carelessly, Yongbok. When I commit to someone, I commit to everything about them. Once I'm yours, I'm yours for life."

Felix nodded, sniffling as he tried to hide a small smile.

"I hate you," Felix laughed softly, wiping his tears.

"I love you," Changbin smiled back, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, cupping his wet cheeks.

Once his tears had finally started to dry, Felix nodded that he was ready and Changbin followed, heading back towards the lab.

As they walked, Felix slowly reached his hand over to Changbin's, wrapping around his pinky.