A Minor Hiccup

378 19 1

by ClarendonI

by ClarendonI

We sailed onwards for a couple hours. I spent most of the time just staring out at the sea blankly. Tyson was gone. Clarisse, as annoying as she was, was gone too. Both dead, at least most likely. I hadn't dealt with death before. I didn't much like it. It was too... permanent. I don't like permanent things. Maybe its my mom in me. Magic is, by its very nature, transitory. It likes to change, it will always change. Even the strongest magic is never truly permanent. Death, however, death was as close as you could get to permanent. Sure, there were loopholes, but Sisyphus tried that. It didn't work. All it got him was eternal torture. Clarisse could go for rebirth, I suppose, but that wouldn't be Clarisse. It would be Clarisse's soul in a new body, entirely unaware of her previous life. Tyson would at least reform, but that would probably take a very long time. Long after I was dead, most likely. As far as I was concerned, death was permanent. I kept looking back at those final few moments. If I'd been more assertive, forced Clarisse to realize it was a bad idea, would they still be here? Surely we could have found another way in, right? As much as I realized it wasn't my fault they were dead, the idea that I could have done something different, something better, something that would have kept them alive. It was haunting me. Guilt isn't necessarily the right word for it. More so regret. Regret that I didn't do whatever theoretical better option I could think of in hindsight, regret that I didn't see it coming. I was woken from my daze by Andromeda wrapping her arms around me.

"Y/N? You alright? You've been staring out there for like half an hour now."

I turned around, and she gasped slightly. She could probably see my emotions on my face, it was like every muscle I had in it was tensed up, in a combination of anger and sadness.

"Y/N... it wasn't your fault, you know? What happened to them. None of us could have done anything."

I sat down, tears forming in my eyes.

"I know, but they're just... gone, now. Gone. Forever. And I just keep thinking to things I could have done differently. I could have stopped Clarisse from taking that path, somehow forced Tantalus to let us take the quest instead of her maybe, at least convinced her not to fire a thousand shots at that damned sea monster."

Andromeda nodded sadly, and placed her hands on my cheeks. "You're expecting too much from yourself, Y/N. You can't save everyone. You just have to do your best. Which you are."

"It's just... after last winter and summer, I felt so confident I'd be able to get everyone home safe. I did it then. Why couldn't I have done it again this time?"

"Y/N. Quests don't normally go like that. You know that. Don't expect yourself to be perfect. All that is going to do is get you killed. Please, for me, try to be a bit kinder to yourself? Please?"

Suddenly, Percy called over. "Andromeda? Did you tell him?"

Andromeda jumped slightly, but sighed and pulled a ball of gunk out of her pocket.

"Shove this wax into your ears. Sirens are coming up soon."

I slowly stood up and nodded. We each put to bits of wax into our ears, which, sure enough, cut off any sound. Annabeth had apparently decided to tie herself to the mast and keep her ears open, wanting to hear the siren song. Me and Andromeda just stood there for a while, staring off into the distance with our arms wrapped around each other, me trying to talk myself through what Andromeda had told me. She had a point, I realized. I could have done something differently, but so could everyone else. All I could do now is mourn and learn from it as best I could. Suddenly, Percy leapt past us into the water. I jumped slightly, worried that he had somehow heard the song, but then realized that Annabeth had jumped in first. I kicked myself internally. I'd been so mad at myself that I hadn't been paying attention to what she was doing. Like Andromeda had warned me. Me expecting myself to be too perfect had nearly gotten someone killed. I quickly ran over and dropped a ladder into the water, looking around for anything I could do to help. Sure enough, though, Percy had it covered. Trust aquaman to do a water rescue, I suppose. We quickly hauled Annabeth up, and held her down until we had gotten well out of the range of the sirens. We pulled the wax out of our ears, and Annabeth began sobbing. I stepped back a bit, letting Percy take control of everything. He knew her better than I did, so that was probably the best thing I could do. When the two of them finished talking, I quietly approached her.

"Hey, Annabeth? You alright? Relatively, at least?"

She sighed softly. "Mostly, yeah. Just was a bit scary is all.

I nodded. "Yeah, I can imagine. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was too busy being mad at myself to pay attention and keep an eye on you. It won't happen again. We'll have time to mourn for Clarisse and Tyson after this quest is over."

Annabeth nodded slowly. "It's ok. It was my fault, really. It was a dumb idea from the start."

I chuckled softly. "Well I can't say I disagree with that. I'm glad your ok, though. Would have been hard to finish this up without the smartest member of the crew."

She blushed a bit at that, but her reply was cut off by Percy.

"Guys! I see an island! I think... YES! ITS HERE!"

I rushed over to where he was standing. Sure enough, maybe five miles out, was a rather flat and slightly hilly island. Sitting atop a hill, at the very center of it, was a brilliantly shining dot of gold. The Fleece. We were here.