Empire of Dreams

*31*

I did not care whether it was day or night or Easter or a feast. I remained in mourning for three months apparently. I had lost a lot of weight and looked about 5 years older than I was. I wondered how Mary looked so young for so long after so much trauma.

Breakfast was laid out on the table and I was leaving my room for the first time since three months. I still wanted to do nothing and lie there, but I knew I couldn't do that if I wanted England to have the Queen they needed.

In the first month, everyone was overly eager to help me 'deal with the grief'. The second month, the visitors waned. Even they were growing tired of my tantrums. The third month was the loneliest. No one came and I wasn't sure if I wanted people to come or not. Today, I had decided to put on a brave face and get my life back.

Sia had the make a temporary belt with flower because my gown wouldn't fit me. The face in the mirror looked like a not so accurate painting of me. It was as if the painter had forgotten to paint half my body weight.

I was wearing a greyish-black gown, I couldn't make myself wear anything more colourful and I had no jewellery on. It was too soon.

I stumbled on my way to the table when I spotted the king breaking his fast with us.

"Good morning, Your Majesty" I curtsied but Edward quickly got up and hugged me.

"Dear Jane! You scared me so bad. For a moment I thought both me and this kingdom were doomed!"

I noticed that he was sickly too. His legs were swollen but the rest of his body was really thin and his skin had yellowish-green touch to it. I decided to talk to Libitina about this afterwards. For now, I would just pretend everything was fine.

We all settled together on the dining table and the breakfast was immediately served. Little Mary had grown up so quickly, Jane hadn't realised that 5 years had passed. She was eating herself, though quite noisily, but Catherine laughed and said there was still enough time. But here they were, Jane and Edward, both just 15 years old, but caught in the middle of a borderline civil war.

"I want you to come back to the court Jane. As you can tell from my condition, I need help" He winced as he chewed. He definitely did not look like a normal 15 year old boy.

"I apologise, Your Majesty, but I will not. The loss I have faced is too great and I know for sure that my own father was involved in the Archduke's murder but I think he wasn't the only one"

If Edward was involved, he certainly did his best not to look guilty because his face remained neutral.

"I will see what I can do. Meanwhile Jane, it is absolutely necessary for you to join the court. I will not lie to you, because I am trusting this bloodline and I am trusting you to protect it. I cannot and will not pretend that I hate my sisters. After my mother's death, it was Mary and Catherine who had basically raised me and Elizabeth was like a best friend to me. But this is the throne we're talking about. I cannot hand it over to either of them-" he said but I interrupted.

"Why, do you think they're not capable enough because they are women?" I asked spitefully.

"Of course not Jane. I do not think any such thing about a women. But I do think they're not capable enough. Elizabeth only wants revenge for what happened to her mother and Mary will do anything to claim the throne because she still believes her mother was the only rightful queen. Coming back to what I was saying, I am not well. I do not think will survive this year. I have a disease the doctors don't know a cure to and I want to die peacefully, knowing that I have handed over the kingdom to someone worthy and capable" he looked at me hopefully.

I was too shocked to say something for a moment. I think he had gotten this all wrong.

"Do not believe that I am some peace messenger, Edward, because I am not. I speak to you as your cousin and not your subject that I am full of spite and sorrow after the Archduke's death. What we shared was indeed brief, but I loved him too much in what little time we had. I do not like the people of your court. They are the people who kill for you and sometime afterwards, kill you. Be careful. I will consider a decision and let you know"

I left the table with my breakfast barely touched. Catherine gave me a longing glance which I deliberately ignored. I wasn't in the mood for an emotional speech. I needed to make a decision and I knew just who to ask for help. But even before that, I needed to sort a few things out.