half a heart | beynika

8

— ⚠️ this chapter mentions sensitive topics. if you're not okay with it, please DO NOT read this chapter. i care about y'all <3

onika's pov
it's been two days since our date. which means that beyoncé is going to be leaving soon. it was killing me, and had me in the worst mood.

i woke up from my nap to an empty bed. bey had decided to hang out with rocky today so i was all alone. i hated it so much because i had gotten so used to being glued to bey's hip. i went wherever she went. i even sat on the counter in the bathroom while she showered. i didn't want to be far away from her.

bey had texted me to let me know that she'll be home soon. i smiled wide at my screen and jumped in excitement. girl, chill out. i don't know why i had gotten so attached to bey like i was. i literally couldn't live without her damn near and it was almsot irritatonh. just a few weeks ago, i was living my life, fine without her. but now? i need her more than i need air to breathe.

this could definitely be my issues talking. i've been hurt by several people in my life which all resulted in being emotionally and mentally torn. from my own family, to friends and obviously chanel.

truthfully, as someone who has so many issues, it's hard to enjoy things for what they are. i'm always so worried about what's gonna happen or not happen. i'm never living in the moment, and i'm always on survival mode. i'm closed off, quiet and observant. i rarely speak and if i do it's only when spoken to.

a lot of shit has taken over me and i didn't expect myself to live this long. i don't expect to live any longer than thirty honestly. i don't have shit planned, at all. so why not check out before it happens?

i was so lost in my head that i didn't hear beyoncé and rocky come in.

"hey, you okay?" bey kneeled in front of me and grabbed my hands. i looked directly at her, now out of my thoughts.

"yeah. i'm fine." was i really? i don't know.

bey frowned and stood up to pull me into her arms. i held her tight and she kissed the top of my head.

"you know i'm here for you, right?" she asked me quietly and i nodded in response. i buried my face into her chest. i wrapped my arms around her neck and she then picked me up by my thighs. i wrapped my legs around her torso and she just held me in her arms. i needed her really bad right now.

i knew myself well. when i get caught up on my thoughts, i tend to spiral and allow them to consume me. my mood depletes and i get really sad and anxious. i didn't want to be this way around bey, though. what would she think of me? i didn't want her to see me differently and no longer want me. these thoughts only made me more anxious. which is what i didn't need.

"i got you something." bey told me and carried me to the living room. she gave me bouquet of flowers and a pink teddy bear. "i knew you'd like this. especially the bear because it's pink. and look, it even has the same necklace as me." she smiled wide, showing me the tiny detail.

i couldn't help but smile back and hold the bear close to me. it even smelled like her. i looked at her and kissed her lips then put my head back on her chest. she looked at me weird for not speaking then looked at rocky. rocky just waved it off then mouthed "i'll talk to you later about it".

bey sat down and held me in her lap.

— ✰ —

bey's pov

i had laid onika down since she had fallen asleep. i was puzzled by her behavior but luckily rocky came in clutch.

rocky sat down in front of me.

"alright. you wanna know about nika, right?" she asked me and i nodded.

"i'm gonna try to make this quick. also, if you're not good with sensitive stuff, brace yourself. this shit gets deep." she started and i nodded once more.

"nika had a horrendous child hood. her father would abuse her mother. which then turned into him abusing the children. her father.. i can't even call his ass that. but he wasn't shit for real. he's hurt her in so many ways that i don't even want to get in to. he's even made her mother turn on her. so for awhile, nika's mother hated her. which tore nika apart because her mom was all she had. at that point, her siblings had left so she didn't have them."

"along with her parents ruining her, school was a huge part of what caused nika's trauma. she had a friend group, but they all turned on her. they all went to a party one night, on some fuck shit. they drugged nika and she was raped by someone. she knows who but doesn't want to disclose with me. which is okay. her friends knew this was going to happen but they didn't stop it. once everyone found out about her being raped, she became the joke of the school. the guy who hurt her was dating a girl at the time and that girl beat nika's ass thinking she fucked her man. during that fight, i jumped in. it wasn't my business but that's how nika met me. i defended her."

i was taking all of this in but she wasnt even done yet. tears were falling from my eyes and i wiped them away quickly.

"i introduced nika to my friends, the ones you've met, and she's been with us ever since. we really took her in and she had lived with me our entire high school experience. through me is how she met chanel. chanel is my cousin and i thought the two of them would be perfect together. but i was wrong. chanel has did nika terribly. she's cheated on her, she's lied, she's abused her physically, mentally and emotionally. she's-,"

rocky paused to give herself a minute. i, too, needed a minute because hearing this was hurting me. my tears became heavier and i cried more.

"nika has been through a lot of shit, okay? and she tells me all the time that you make her days worth living. it's scary when nika gets like she is because i never know what she has going on in her mind. i'm so afraid of losing my sister, bey." she began to sob into her hands. i hugged rocky and we cried together.

our sobs must have been loud because nika started to wake up. she looked over at us both confused. "the hell is going on?" she asked groggily.

i looked at her but didn't say anything as i was still crying. i sniffled then wiped away my tears. nika sat up some more and got closer to me. i wrapped my arms around her tight.

"i care about you so much. id never hurt you, and i'm going to always take care of you. i'll never do you like everyone else has. i swear on my life, onika. you mean too much to me. i hate that everyone has done you so wrong in life. you didn't deserve anything they've put you through. but i promise, im going to show you different and give you the love you want, need and deserve." i kissed her head. i meant every word i said and i guess she knew i did because she started to cry too.

i held nika to my chest as she gripped onto me. her sobs ripped through her violently. this wasn't just a cry from what i had said, it was what she needed right now from everything affecting her.

after a moment, she stopped crying. she wiped her tears then looked into my eyes.

"do you love me?" she asked.

i didn't answer right away because i didn't know. well, i did but i was scared to say it.

she took my hesitance as a no and stomped off into her room.

"fuck." i whispered then got up to go after her.

i grabbed the door before she slammed it. "onika!"

"no! don't fucking talk to me!" she yelled at me. "you don't love me so what the fuck did you say all of that for, huh?!"

"i meant what i said! i'm not lying to you! i-," i sighed. i wanted to say this the right way.

"i'm scared of it. that's why i didn't say it back, nika. it's not that i don't love you, i'm afraid to because i've never loved someone before! and i don't want to fuck up." i walked forward and grabbed her hands.

she yanked them away. "whatever, bro. leave me alone." she shook her head then went into her bathroom, locking herself in.

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a/n- it's been a minute since i've updated but that's because i'm in school. so i don't have time to write. that's why this chapter is quite short. buuuttt, i think i'll update tomorrow with a longer one :)

have a great day :)