The End

Chapter 21: Unsettled Desire

The next months were laced with an unsettled desire. Even though it hadn't even been six months since they'd reunited, her absence left a hole in his life. He had grown far more attached in that short time than he realized.

He was left to redefine his feelings. To face the aftermath of emotions being away from her left. He missed her, he needed her, if he let himself think about it for too long it consumed him. Knowing he couldn't see her, touch her, a panic would set in. It felt like she was a world away. In reality she was a handful of miles down the PCH but it could have been an ocean.

Though part of his heart sat raw and exposed, burning in the air, bleeding out slowly, life went on. He often comforted himself with the fact that this period of their lives was a means to an end. It would pass, they would get wrapped up in each other again.

Yet, he couldn't let himself fully experience or face the depths in which he missed her. Instead he buried himself in work, planning the year to come and connecting with his family.

"Oh my god," Tallulah was a force as she barreled into the living room, "why didn't you warn me?"

Patrick laughed at her teenage drama, "Warn you about what?"

"The prom..." T's tone was a strange mix of excitement and repulsion.

"The prom?" he was suddenly concerned though she hadn't gone to school in months.

"Ok," she rolled her eyes, "the exam room." Her eyes wide and disgusted.

"Oh," he huffed a laugh, feeling a bit uncomfortable himself, "I did warn you not to watch the show." He shrugged.

"Everyone watches it Dad," she was firm and sassy, "Everyone." Tallulah exaggerated her words.

"Not everyone is as grossed out as you," Patrick laughed.

"Ahh," She rolled her eyes, "what does that even mean?!" Tallulah turned away and then spun back around, "Does Callie rat them out?" She froze, "Don't tell me." She huffed, "Okay tell me... Do they get together?"

"I guess you'll have to watch and find out," Patrick teased her.

She sighed, "Nothing like rooting for your Dad to bang another woman on television."

"Tallulah," Patrick and Jillian said simultaneously. Jillian appeared in the corner of the room in time to hear the most uncomfortable part of the conversation.

"What?" she laughed, "Your TV show... not mine." She left the room, and then like a typically teenage girl popped her head back in again, "For real though, what happened next?"

"Oh my gosh," Jillian escorted her out of the room and rolled her eyes at Patrick.

There was a lightheartedness about the conversation that faded when they left the room. His daughter's words echoed in his head. What happened next? Patrick remembered very clearly what happened next. He felt his cheeks flush.

Patrick remembered the feeling in his chest, he remembered knowing that he couldn't bring Derek into the room that day. He couldn't act. He couldn't control his emotions. The lines came but they were authentic to Patrick, not Derek. I'm not looking at you. Though he was always looking at her. Waiting for her. They had spent months controlling themselves. Only to bring them back to this place. A place where they were being paid to compromise the boundaries keeping them afloat. Do you think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married, I have responsibilities, She, She doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. The line between their characters and their lives blurry. His heart was pounding and the scripted words circling through his head. Haunting him. Revealing his truth. I'd give anything not to be looking at you.