The End

Chapter 28: This Time

There is nothing quite like the ache of missing someone. It's an almost suffocating experience. Desperately looking to replace the quickly depleting air. The feeling of them so fresh that their touch almost still exists on your skin. Their voice in your ear. The expectation of them second nature, only to be met by lack. As if your body is searching for a connection that is no longer within reach. An answer so obvious but painfully distant.

This kind of longing felt all too familiar to Ellen. She'd known it for years. Like a bad habit she couldn't shake. But now, it felt different. There had always been a reason for experiencing it, someone to let down, her children, her marriage, the show. Those reasons didn't feel like enough anymore. Her perspective was starting to shift and along with it her patience in experiencing this sort of longing.

She'd spent many years bending her desires to fit the mold of her circumstances. It was time for her circumstances to fit into her desires.

Ellen stood in line at a coffee shop a few blocks from the studio. It was nearly noon, she'd been on set since 6 but hadn't been able to steal a moment to talk to Patrick. She glanced to her phone and then tossed it in her pocket.

"Hey Ellen," the barista said with a smile, "the usual?"

"The usual," Patrick handed Ellen a coffee cup.

"Thank you," she smiled. Her brown bridesmaid dress swishing against her UGG boots.

They didn't always have good days. Another side effect of spending more time at work than anywhere else. But today was a good day, maybe because it was the final episode of the season. This was the third time they'd gone through this. They knew what it meant, freedom, relaxation, adventure. A break from the characters that now consumed their every waking moment. But it also meant separation. It meant fighting the urge to call, agreeing to press events just to see each other. It meant momentarily considering that this thing between them was more than friendship.

That was enough to make this a good day. He placed his hand against the small of her back. It sent a wave of electricity up her spine and pulled a smile at her lips.

"What a strange episode," he said remarking on the last show they'd filmed. They made their way down the stairs and to a van to shuttle them back to the studio.

Patrick helped her in the van. "I'm ready for hiatus," Ellen confessed, though she mostly meant from her actual work. She looked up to meet his eyes.

"Yeah," he nodded as he settled in the seat next to her. He paused letting himself disappear in her gaze. "Do you want to come to Scotland?"

She laughed her contagious laugh. It felt like music to his ears. "Yes," she laughed again, "I'll just be your groupie." Ellen touched his chest, "Do TV stars have groupies?"

"I'm serious," Patrick said firmly.

"Patrick, I can't come to Scotland." she shook her head. "How can I come to Scotland?"

"Why not," he said, "It's beautiful. People take vacations there all the time."

"Set groupies..." she smiled.

He was still serious, "Come to Scotland." Patrick rested his hand on hers. The platonic gesture quickly progressed. She eyed the way his hand held hers. The feeling of his thumb stroking her hand.

"I wish I could," Ellen said softly.

"Please," Ellen smiled snapping out of her daze.

She looked around the packed coffee shop and felt as though she could drown in her loneliness. Ellen didn't go to Scotland that summer. It was a decision she regretted for a very long time. And then with a single ring she felt her loneliness and confusion melt away. She eagerly answered her phone. "Hi," her voice clearly relieved to hear his.