Dysphoria (Mileven AU)

Nine

Tws: ED, physical and mental abuse, SH, transphobia, mentions death, mentions fire
Third person Pov

Did Mike not like my food, El thought as she paced back and forth through the kitchen. I'll just have to ask him, she continues to think.

She hears him start to walk out of the bathroom and she sits back down really quickly. "Sorry I took so long," Mike said apologeticly. "It's fine Mike I don't mind," El said quietly. "Do you mind if I go lay down?" Mike asked as to not intrude. "Yeah Mike it's fine," El said as she gave him a fake smile.

Mike could tell she was fake smiling but he didn't question it. "Thank you," Mike said thanking her. "No need to thank me, you live here now to you know," El said.

Mike nodded in response and went to lay down leaving El with her thoughts.

I got to ask him why he threw up his food, El thought. It worry's me, she continues.

El sits and continues to think. She decides to go lay down with Mike after 10 minutes.

She got up and walked to her room. She tip toeed as to not disturb Mike. She crawled into her bed behind him. He was facing the opposite direction with his back facing her.

He was on his phone listening to music in his headphones. El could hear Nirvana playing. She wrapped her arms around his torso.

This startled Mike but then he calmed down. He took his headphones off and turned around to face El.

"I have a question Mike," El mumbled. "Shoot," Mike said. "Why did you throw up your food?" El asked in concern.

"Do you want me to lie or tell you the truth?" Mike mumbled. "I would like you to tell the truth Mike," El said in a soft tone.

"I-I've had an eating d-disorder for about three years now, I feel as if e-everytime I eat the more feminine I feel," Mike stuttered.

El's eyes open wide. She didn't realize.
"Im so sorry Mike," El said. "It's fine it really does matter," Mike said.

"If you want to vent I'm here Mike," El said reassuring Mike. "You can vent to me as well," Mike said. "Thank you," El said and she wrapped her arms around him and layed her head on his chest, Mike was only wearing a binder and shorts.

"Alright I'm gonna tell you some things El, you might get scared off," Mike said. El nodded in response.

"I've known I was trans ever since I was a little kid, I remember when I was eight I dressed up as batman for Halloween, I even went in my bathroom that night right after I came home and I cut my hair, of course mom and dad weren't pleased,"

"So then I hid in my basement for hours on end, maybe even days, I don't really remember because my mom would come down every couple hours to try and find me, I had a different spot everytime, my best spot was under my stairs though,"

"After I think three days she finally found me, as soon as she did she did something that was the worst thing you could do to your kid,"

"Little did I know she had a pot in her hand full of boiling hot water, she told me to take my shirt off and turn around, then she threw the water on my back,"

El gasped in shock.

"After that the abuse got worse, she would beat me everyday, she always made sure it was somewhere that no one could see, I always was wearing sweathers or long sleeve shirts, even in the summer time, i got used to it eventually,"

"When I was about 12 I start to harm myself, that was when I realized that it wasn't gonna get better. I was 16 when the abuse finally stopped because one of my old friends called the cops on my mom because I told them too, but she never got in trouble so my friend thought I was lying, so he left me."

"I'm so sorry Mike," El said with sympathy. "Eh its fine El, its life, I let it take its course," Mike said in an almost dead voice. "No its not Mike, you experienced trauma," El quietly.

"Alright well I'm done sharing with you, I just thought I'd let it out, is there anything you wanna tell me?" Mike said. "I might as well," El said.

"When I was about 7 my mom had left me and my dad and he didn't really know how to parent so the first years after we're pretty rough,"

"After a awhile he got the hang of it, I remember when I finally knew that my life would be somewhat normal after he learned,"

"When I was about 12-13 I started to avoid my dad, I thought it was annoying that he tried to do things with me all the time, boy so I regret doing that,"

"When I was about 15, so a year and a half ago, my dad had to leave for work at a late time, it was an urgent call about a fire, and he was the chief of the police so he had to go,"

"I thought he'd be back by the time I woke up but he never came back, he died in the fire,"

Mike looked at El sympathetically. "I remember after I found out the news that he died I was devastated, after that I locked myself in my room for 3 weeks, I didn't come out unless I needed water, I didn't eat at all, then after I finally came out of my room thanks to Max and the boys, I still stayed in my house for 6 months not coming out and missing school,"

"Max after that 6 months finally convinced me to come out of my house, and then I went back to school but something had changed, I realized day by day that he wasn't there any more, the walls of denial that I had put up for myself were crashing down,"

"I realized that there wouldn't be anymore watching 80s cop shows with him on Friday nights, or making eggo extravaganzas with him in the mornings on the weekend, or making dinner for him before he came home from work, all that was gone."

"I'm so sorry that you lost your dad El, I had no idea that happened," Mike said. "It's fine Mike," El said. "We've both been through a lot haven't we," Mike said,"that's why were meant for each other," Mike continues. "Yeah, thats true," El said quietly.

•

They never went on there date that night, instead they laid in each othera arms enjoying each other's presence next to each other, they both connected on a deeper level that night than they ever had imagined they would.

•

Authors note: y'all now know their backstories and the stuff they've been through. I know this was a chapter that talked about a lot of things but the next one will be really wholesome. Have a good day/night.

-Juno