Overgrown Melody (In My Heart)

Like Butterflies

The cool breeze all but touched my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I felt a lump form in my throat that wouldn't quite go away, no matter how much I tried to gulp. My vision blurred as my father ran toward me, his frustrations and drunkenness evident. All I could hear with the screams of the alternate version of myself. He tried to break free of my grip, but to no avail. I didn't quite realize what was happening as adrenaline filled my senses, until I saw Toya and the others running over to us. I used my free hand to touch my face, and looked down to see blood on my hand. I looked in front of me, to see my father on the ground.

It appeared he had been hitting me, and I struck him back out of my own reflexes.  The world felt like it was spinning. I could hear a mix of the alternate version of me giving up, my mother screaming, and noise surrounding the group. It was just that to me. Noise. At this point I had barely held on to my grasp of reality. That was until I felt something... Cold. It went down my back in streams. Sweat..? No, they were tears. The alternate version of myself was crying. I couldn't help but feel ashamed. I had put my hands on my own father. I loosened my grip on the 'boy', and he fell to the ground, weeping. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion, and yet so fast. I felt the weight on my eyes get heavier and heavier as I tried to walk over to the faint vision of familiarity. Toya.

He was my everything, even if the world turned on me... I knew deep down, no matter what universe or version of this world, he would be by my side. I felt my legs denying my requests to move forward. It was like they had a mind of their own, having me struggle to keep myself upright. I felt my face grow intensively colder as I treaded on. It looked like I was looking through a foggy church window as my consciousness slowly began to fade out.

...

"A heart which was devoted to you,
Return it someday and be kind won't you?
I truly want to turn back
After now is okay too"

I awoke to Toya singing these lyrics and caressing the strands of my hair by my side. He seemed to be in his own world, his eyes were shut tight, and his body seemed to be tensed. I lightly hummed to grab his attention. Toya seemed to soften his eyes at my awakening. "You were out for a good while..." He said hugging me. "Alright dude! I get it..!" I yelped, embarrassed to admit I was enjoying his company. He apologized and and parted our contact, but I could feel him shaking. "You never told me he did that to you..." Toya said, narrowing his vision out of frustration. I smiled at him. "I felt the same way when I heard about your so called father." I said, he slowly blinked his eyes. I sat up, feeling the dizziness hit me. I put my head on my forehead, only to feel the pain of the altercation hit me.

I started to remember what had happened, I was still adjusting to my surroundings. I felt a pit grow in my chest, and I felt horrible. Indescribably so. It was in disbelief. How could the man I had looked up to stoop so low... And how could I dare to hit him back.!? These thoughts crossed my mind like the flowing river of tears that accompanied them. I started to choke on them. Grief had overwhelmed my heart, as I tried to understand why any of this had to happen. Toya looked at me in concern. He understood what I felt. If anyone did it was him. I could find solace in that fact at the very least. Toya leaned over and wiped my tears with his shaken up hand, trying to hide the fact he looked like he was on the verge of tears as well.

This whole thing must've been hard on him as well... As I've said before, he knows almost exactly how I feel. His dad had emotionally and mentally abused him over the years. It seemed, unfortunately, that fact remained true through any world. Toya also cared for me deeply. He probably couldn't stomach seeing me get hurt, to his powerlessness. I knew exactly how that felt. He must be feeling a mix of emotions, anger, frustration, maybe even fear... I felt my body trembling as my thoughts spiraled. There were too many unanswered questions and estranged thoughts to comprehend. I felt my eyes dry out, from tiredness and endless tears. They felt stuck. If I were to squeeze them, you could feel the lack of moisture within them.

Toya began rubbing my back, his trembling dying down a bit. "An and Kohane are with the boy... He is claiming to have the same name as you, which is strange given your similar appearances... Do you know him..?" Toya filled me in, tilting his head. "Agh, yeah... He probably doesn't know me though.." I said grappling with the pain I felt course throughout my body. Toya slightly furrowed his eyebrows. "Could you explain everything..? Forgive me if I am wrong, but you seem to understand what's happening here... Give yourself time to recover of course.." Toya asked with pleading eyes. I chuckled, my face widening left more pain to torment me.

"I want to... But, I am not certain you'd believe me..." I said twiddling my index fingers. Toya placed his hand on my fingers, looking at me dead in the eye. "I will always believe in what you say, you are my partner after all." Toya said in an attempt to reassure me, his voice strained. I felt my face flush, bringing back some much needed color. "Yeah, yeah, I get that, but I barely believe it myself..! It's kind of a lot to take in..." I said scratching the back of my neck. Toya looked at me, with only trust in his eyes.

I smiled, weaker this time, as not to trigger my pain sensors. Like I thought. As long as I had Toya by my side, nothing else mattered. I layer my head on his. "Stay a little longer... I can explain later." I said, my face heating up. He had brought heat back to my pale skin. He looked surprised, but didn't say anything. Toya was my warmth, despite his cold exterior, he brought me the heat that I needed. I snuggled my head into his chest. I must be his cool, as my tendency to turn away from his affection is cold, admittedly so.

The silence that filled the room had consumed the atmosphere. I was okay with that. Being by Toya's side was the only comfort I felt that was needed. He didn't have to tell me how he was feeling, as I could tell by his voice, mannerisms, and general vibe. Not to mention that we could relate to each other on such a personal level. I felt shivers go down my spine as he caressed my hand. The way he teased with my fingers before finally holding my hand had me going crazy. I took my free hand and cupped his cheek. I then leaned my forehead against his, feeling the mutual warmth. He was red too, it made me feel better about myself.

Of course the increasing anxiety and doubts about my father still existed, but I think that in this moment, I just wanted to think about Toya.
I basked in his presence, and I couldn't have asked for anything better. This time I wasn't going to run away. Things were perfect. Despite the overwhelming pain and anxiety I felt, just his presence made me feel rejuvenated. I was ready to face whatever came our way. All of those negative feelings of regret and frustration towards the past flew away, like the butterflies that were filling my stomach.