Take it, it's yours

I Had A Dream

TW
Mention of SH

-TIME SKIP-

     The past few months have been hard on Wednesday, Especially since her jaw was screwed shut. After she left Enid's accommodation, she quickly fell into a maniac depression, unexpectedly.

Only a few times in her entire life, while living with bipolar, has she fallen into a deep, deep, depression such as this one.

To be exact it had only ever happened 3 other times yet, not once has anyone noticed.

     It seemed that this one had to be the worst of all since she truly couldn't keep it hidden for long, this time. I mean let's be real, manic depression doesn't really go well with having depression in general.

Her mania consisted of rational anger, thrashing sadness, very low self esteem and, just plain emptiness which she had always had but not this kind. This kind was the kind that made her feel unsure of herself, and it angered her dearly since she had always been so sure of who she was and who she would become, until now.

     Thing had checked up on her a few times after realizing her odd behaviors but she blew him off every time with a "I'm fine." Or a "check on me again and you'll wake up with a new scar."

You may think going through this type of mania is easy to cope with, That she's overreacting.

     You don't know why she's going through it because nothing even caused it, just like how everyone else on the outside views bipolar depression.

If I'm explaining you, clearly, you don't have bipolar. So, I'll try to explain it TO you, the best of my ability.

Never once in her life has the pain ever overtaken her to the point that she truly wanted it gone with no means. Never once has it hit her so hard she physically felt it in her chest like it was a beating drum. never once has she ever wanted something to end so badly, that badly, it's to the point to were if it meant taking her own life for everything to stop, she would do it.

She told herself her whole life, crying was just pitiful, that it was weak, that it was some sort of curse. She's been depressed her whole life and let me tell you, she's been through more than anyone should've, so I think she's earned it to be able to say that without judgement.

That rule she made herself, made everything all the more, difficult. No matter how hard she fought the tears, the ball in the back of her throat, she just couldn't win this time.

     Every time she gets to the point we're she feels like that urge to break down right then and then it finally passes, it suddenly comes back till eventually, it wins.

     The routine was pretty much made up of gasping and grabbing of the chest. Pinching herself, falling on the floor, crawling up in a ball and sobbing quietly in her arms so no one could hear her.

Almost every night.

Sooner or later, her mother eventually did hear, and rushed upstairs to find her broken daughter crouched up in a ball in the corner of her room with tears running down her face.

Not once has she been more scared in a moment then that moment right then and there.

This was the girl that never cried nor showed any emotion whatsoever, who looked down on those things with detest.

     This is the same girl, whose now helplessly weeping in her mothers arms, letting her built up tears and agony, finally, show.

So, What happened?