Midnight Rain

Chapter 7

                  'You ask too much of me and like a fool, I give you everything'

"Gun I'm sorry.... I love you.... I love you! I love you so much! I love you like crazy!" In the silent room with two men embracing each other, one of them sobbed as he repeated the same words again and again.

Gun however stood silent as he gently caressed Tin's back without uttering a word. He closed his eyes as he inhaled the dizzying alcoholic scent. His mind was all fuzzy and clouded. He wasn't thinking anything. His body automatically moved to comfort his friend.

"Gun..... You hear me? I said I love you." Tin said as he squeezed tighter onto Gun. Gun let out a soft sound when his breath tightened at the firm hold however he quickly adjusted to it. "Tin.... You're too drunk!" Gun whispered into Tin's ear. His hot breath caressed the shivering body and he tried to push Tin away.

"No I'm not!" Tin immediately fired back as he prevented Gun from escaping. His hands snaked around his waist and squeezed it tighter into his body. "I'm not drunk! I know what I'm saying! I said I love you!" Gun softly chuckled when he heard the nasally voice that came out of Tin. He simply rested his chin on Tin's shoulders tiptoeing a bit and his hands caressed Tin's back in a soothing way. "I love you too. You're my best friend"

"I don't love you as a friend!" Tin immediately stated making Gun's hand that was caressing his back freeze. Gun didn't move. He even held his breath but in a few moments he let it out. He laughed softly as he hung his hands on his sides. "Then what do you love me as? A brother? Or your secretary?" Gun's voice was calm yet a bit shaky. Tin could feel it vibrate a bit.

"You don't know? You really don't know?" Tin hoarsely replied. His chest still attached to Gun, he loosened his grip around Gun's waist and reached for Gun's hands that were hanging on his sides. He held the both of them and brought them up to wrap it around his own neck. "After all these years, you still don't know?"

Gun stood silently. His dark eyes deeply looked into Tin's. "Then what do you know? After all these years what do you know that I don't?" With a slight smirk in his face, Gun smugly looked at Tin. "Tin, when it comes to you, I know everything. Even the things you don't know about yourself, I know everything" Gun gently wiped away the traces of tears that were now drying up a little.

"Then did you know? Did you know that I love you Gun?" With a face of delight, Tin anticipating searched Gun's eyes. Gun softly smiled as he held Tin's hands and pressed on them tightly. He nodded his head softly all the while making Tin's heart race in ecstasy.

"I know Tin." He softly whispered. "I know you love me. After all, I'm your best friend!" With eyes of glee, his gum's flashed as he declared with a huge smile plastered on his face. "I'm your best friend Tin. Remember, you love me as your best friend!"

Tin's momentary happiness immediately vanished. The smile on his face instantly dropped when he saw Gun's face with no trace of hesitation. However, he could sense something off in his voice. Gun's voice wasn't an affirmation but a reminder. As if he was trying to desperately engrave it into Tin's mind. Now the unsettling feeling in Tin's heart rose again.

Why? Doesn't he love me? Is he trying to dodge me? Is he feigning ignorance? Didn't I make my intentions clear? Or is he doubtful? Does he think I'm being insincere? Does my past bother him as well? Is he ashamed of me? He can't accept me?

Raging thoughts ravaged Tin's mind savagely to a point he couldn't think straight. As if he was being hung upside down, his stomach churned and his eyes yet again watered. Gun's concerned eyes faltered a bit, however, he yet again took into the composed look in his face draped with complete oblivion to Tin's obvious feelings.

"Gun, I know I've been an idiot. I know I've hurt you multiple times in the past. I know I've been oblivious and ignorant. That's because I never knew what I wanted. Gun, I've never felt any sincerity with anyone. I've only gone as far as to give in to lust. But I couldn't give my heart since it has already been lost. You get what I mean? I don't love you as a friend! I love you more than what the boundaries of mere friendship can define! I love you enough to let you take away my heart!"  Like clinging onto a last piece of thread desperately holding him together, Tin firmly held Gun's face and rested their foreheads against each other. As he spoke his warm breath clashed against Gun's lips that were tightly pursed

"So Gun, don't do this to me! Don't keep me in the dark! Just once chance! Give me a chance to prove the unconditional love I have for you! I promise I will never let you feel inadequate. I will always hold you in my arms" Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Tin's lips hovered over Gun's, trembling at every word he spoke.

Gun slowly took Tin's hands and held them both firmly while loosing the firm grip away from his face. Their faces still close to each other, Tin's breath heavily resonant as he spoke of mighty promises.

"Tin~" Gun coyly whispered under his breath making Tin shiver at the warm air that caressed his face. "You can't do this. We can't do this." His voice shivered laced with undeniable deep rooted sadness that flowed endlessly out of his mouth. Tin could feel his heart ache at every word that Gun spoke as he pushed his face farther away from his own

"Tin, don't love me. Please don't love me." When Tin opened his eyes to look at the sweet face, his heart ached at the sight he beheld. So enchanting yet painful to look at. Gun's face was now painted wet, tears streaming down his glistening doe eyes. Tin smiled softly as he brought his eyes to wipe those pearly tears. "Why? Does my love hurt you? Don't you love me?"

Gun shook his head frantically at Tin's question, obviously immediately hurt. "No. But my love will hurt you instead. I will hurt you endlessly Tin. So please don't love me"

"Then hurt me instead. Tear me down into pieces but don't deny me. Don't push me away. Gun, can't you see? I'm more than ready to face any hurt if I can have you. As long as you hold my hand, I will not ask for any remedies for my wounds." Tin gently wiped away the tears that didn't seem to stop. His voice shook as he gathered the strength to look into Gun's firmly set eyes. His heart beat in indescribable fear. With Gun so adamant about pushing him away, his whole being shivered in complete anxiousness of what might possibly be the outcome.

Taking in deep breaths, Gun finally managed to calm himself. His tears still present, he couldn't bear to imagine the mess he had made. When he saw Tin so weak and vulnerable, his heart shook to some extent. It was more willingness to give into this supple enticement of the moment and free fall into the other man's arms. Gun had built up his walls for many years straight, however the wear and tear must've had happened when he simply let himself indulge in his own desires, now leaving him completely defenseless

Tin wept red. He couldn't understand the heaviness of this moment. It was too uneasy and uncalled for. In mere moments of realization, he was able to subject himself to such great pain. Had he realized it even later, he couldn't imagine how he would be able to cope with the additional pain built up by time.

Never would he have thought that he could be so stupid. How could he venture for love in countless women when his true love was actually in a completely different being. It made him all too disgusted with himself. Unknowingly he had caused Gun great pain. He now realized how cold Gun must've been hugging himself to sleep the countless times he didn't return home while providing the warmth to someone else obliviously. Do I even have the right to be this hurt? When this is only the first time? I have subjected him to it many times. I admit I'm too cowardly now!

Gun's couldn't help but feel a hint of senselessness now seeping in through him as Tin pulled him into a tight embrace as if he knew he will disappear very soon. His wet tears dampened the cloth on Gun's shoulders as he muttered countless apologies for mistakes he was never responsible for.

Gun couldn't help but weaken. How could he not? He has been hanging onto Tin for support for years. But now a weakened Tin has left him helpless. His worst nightmares were coming true. He was hurting Tin through and through. His heart shook in fear. If he were to continue it will take turn for the worse.