Diere
I regret this whole fake dating thing. When august kissed me I was shocked but somewhat happy then confused by his intentions. Did he do it because we're faking or was it real and he did it because he wanted to kiss me. I know I'm probably overreacting but I've never kissed someone or have been kissed so this is a big deal for me even if it was just a kiss on the cheek and though I might have enjoyed it for a millisecond I realize how dangerous this whole situation is. August has some sort of effect on me as much as I hate to admit and wish it wasn't true it is and I want to just run away from the whole situation but I can't because I can't ignore him and I don't want to he's one of the people I don't feel like a burden around. I don't have to worry about if I'm not wanted or if I'm doing or saying anything wrong. My mom must've noticed my dozing off because she elbows me playfully in the arm.
"Whatcha thinkin about?" My mom ask spraying her flowers with a water bottle while I stare at mine. The pretty pink tulip full of vibrance and life lighting up the space.
"Nothing just thinking" I hate lying to her but I don't want her to worry about me. She places her hand on my back comfortingly.
"I'm so glad you found someone like august who helps you live the life you should be living. Your still a kid and even though your life after school is important I still want you to have fun during these last few years of Highschool." She brings her hands to my face cupping my checks smiling at me. This is why this lie is okay I know that she wants me to live my teenage years too the fullest cause she never could when she was pregnant with me but the teenage years won't matter if I can't support and help out my family I want us to be able to do more and love better and this is the only way I know how to do that. I place my hands over hers returning her smile.
"I know mom." I kiss her on the cheek. "I'm tired I'm gonna head to bed." I pull her hands away from my face. She pulls me into a hug and I can feel her worry as she seeps into me.
"Goodnight bug" I grab my flowers walking up to my room finding Rowan sitting in my chair waiting for me. I place my flowers on my desk and walk over to her.
"What's wrong ro?" I ask her and she fidgets with the arms of her dinosaur nervously.
"I had a nightmare can I sleep in here tonight?" She admits tears falling from her eyes. I bring my hand to her face wiping them off pulling her to me.
"Of course ro go ahead and lay down I just need to get ready for bed okay?" She goes to lay down and I place my laptop next to her playing adventure time and go to the bathroom to get ready for bed when I come into the room she's sleep I move the laptop back to my desk and lay down across from ger checking my phone before bed.
August: I'm home. Sleep well
Diere: you too
I respond simply replaying the kiss in my head not being able to stop long enough to write anything else I just can't help but to overthink his actions. I shut my phone off and close my eyes hoping my mind stops running enough for me to get some sleep .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I walk into class the next day and see him all the overthinking I was doing goes away once he smiles at me and I don't wonder what his intentions were and I don't ask him because I don't want to loose him as a friend and that's all I can handle right now.
"How'd you sleep?" I ask august as I sit down since he's been sleeping in class a lot recently. His smiles widens as he responds.
"Surprisingly good I had fun yesterday" and I'm happy he did I'm happy he had fun with me and I'm happy he likes my family and they like him. "Even though your dad hates me I think"
"He doesn't hate you he just was just being overprotective and macho dad you know?" He laughs at my word choice looking at me smiling with his head resting on the table. "I'm glad we're friends." I admit stupidly which only makes his smile grow wider.
"Oh so we're friends now?" He switches resting his head on the table to rest it on the palm of his hand. "I knew you'd fall for my charm" I roll my eyes amused.
"There's no way I would've let you meet my mom if we weren't friends" I shrug.
"I thought that was because we're dating" he teases. I mean I did bring him over because because my mom thinks we're dating but I wouldn't even pretend date him if I didn't like him. Platonically.
"Fake dating." I correct him "And I picked you to be my fake boyfriend for a reason." He seems intrigued by this he leans in and if his total attention wasn't on me before it definitely is now.
"I thought it was because you didn't know any other guys"
"Yeah that's true but-" and I realize I've made a mistake I've told him to much and knowing him he's not gonna let this go.
"What's the reason you asked me to do this diere? If it wasn't because I'm the only guy you could ask." He's even closer to me when he says this. And I really debate if I should tell him the real reason. That I asked him because I felt accepted around him like he already knew what he was getting into with me and didn't care.
"I don't know because you already knew my baggage and I didn't feel like I was a burden to you" I confess because like always I just want to tell him everything about me and I want to know everything about him.
"Because your not a burden you know that." I feel relieved when he says that because he seems genuine. It makes me feel all squirmy and warm.
"Good"
"Good"
"So where do you go during second period" I ask changing the subject. I remember I was going to ask him but never got the chance too
"Oh uhm class obviously" he lies and starts fiddling with his rings which he does a lot when he's nervous or uncomfortable but I think I've shown him enough of my life to know why he's skipping class. I give him a "I know your lying" look and I can't tell by the frown on his face that he can read my expression.
"Okay fine I go to this abandoned stairwell that I found my freshman year" so he's been doing this for years I mean it none of my business that he's skipping his classes. "I don't skip it all the time just sometimes when-"
"When what" he nervously looks to the side avoiding eye contact with me.
"When I don't feel like doing work" I feel like he's lying but he really doesn't seem to want to get into it so I decide I'll ask him about it another time. The bell rings and the hallways erupt with loud voices and laughter.
"Can I See?" August responded by grabbing my hand and leading me out the classroom and I'm freaked out what if people think we're holding hands I mean we are but there not gonna know it platonic and the looks me and august get confirms that. As the hallway empties I let out s breath I didn't know I was holding and we finally reach the door I've seen him go through many times before. He holds the door open for me a proud smile on his face as I walk in. It looks like any other hallway but there's graffiti on the walls and a corner with books and hung art on the wall. I move closer too it getting a better look at the black and white drawings.
"Did you draw these" I ask and he gives me a shy smile.
"Oh yeah I forgot about those" he reaches to take them down but I grab his hand stopping him. "There just some random sketches I did when I was bored no biggie"
"These are really good august what the hell why didn't you tell me you can draw" he shrugs look at my hands still on his and I move them a way a slight redness appears on his cheeks as he steps away from me.
"Dunno i never thought it was important. It's just a hobby" I hate how he doesn't see how good he is at art. He's really talented and I wish he would realize that.
"Your really talented. Are these tattoos?" I ask because some of the black and white drawings are drawn on body parts like hands or back.
"Yeah I guess" he grabs the drawings from me throwing them in another corner clasping his hands together. " anyways your gonna be late you should head to class"
"Okay but we're gonna talk about this" I threaten him and he softly chuckles.
"Alright diere now go to class"
YOU ARE READING
The insecurities of dating a white boy (bwwm)
Storie d'amore"You don't know how long I've waited just to be close to you like this" he admits and it makes my heart flutter that he thinks about me as much as I think about him "I like you so much" If my smile was any wider it would be hanging off my face. "I...
