.CHESS.

~7

It's 2 past midnight now and I still can't get over my emotions overwhelming me. I have done all of the cigars that were laying on the table and now was going for the last one  but  it was too late for me to realize what harm I have caused to myself with all that shit.

I sigh and with those thought drowning me I hide the last cigarettes in my pants pocket and got up from that uncomfortable couch, I started taking small steps toward my knife and bended over to pick it up, it's too nice to be laying there like its useless.

This knife had protected me many times,  times when I tried to get away from Meredith when she tried giving me one of her famous lessons ,  times when I tried to slip away from Robert and his thoughts of tasting me while I was sleeping  and times when I was alone. That knife draw incredible rows on my skin , only you got to see them.

But there were times when I couldn't get myself out, when I wasn't string enough to push Robert out of me and the only thing he did was forcing himself in me more. 

Every time I remember it i feel disgusting.

I stood up on my legs and shove it again in my belt. I have to do something I can't stay like that for any longer

I turned around and looked at my parents with pity , such bastards,
I took a last look on them and headed   towards the up floor after taking my bag  from the entrance. While going up the stairs my mind was fighting with the right thing to do and my ego

It's not something to play around,  if I am going to decide I have to  do it right. I entered in my room and looked around while closing the door behind me and locking it  still thinking that a dead Robert would enter to play his nasty games with my poor body, I don't even know how many times  I got played by him

Every time he tried to force himself in me, i might got away from him few times  by stabbing him anywhere  i could find but what came after that...... not in my grater enemy.

After beeing snatched from my innocence at 14 nothing  matter to me anymore. They only thing i wished was to keep my virginity but  we cant have everything in this life....maybe in afterlife. Still im grateful that i have gotten away from anyone's lust , you know, working at clubs is highly common to do things you don't want to but you are forced to do them only for the cash.

Many managers force the women waitress to do smth extra than serving , like giving lap dances and blow jobs for only to attract much more customers.

Money is their deal. Having not gotten into  that freaky situation, I can't complain for anything,  being still grateful.

I placed my bag on my bed and went in the small bathroom which was attached with my bedroom.  As I entered I switched on the lights and started taking all my necessities. I opened the low cabinets  and started looking  for my painkillers,  without them there is no survival.

I took the last 2 bottles in my hands and placed them on the counter , after that  I grabbed a small container which had inside some plasters,a sanitizer spray and  ointment for burns, if you wonder how i got that

,well, I actually stole then  not long ago from the bakery. They didn't even use that so it wouldn't be a problem getting it. I brought the container up on the counter and shove in my painkillers  before closing it with its cap . As I gathered everything I left from there and started packing my things .

I took all the things I had already in my bag out of there so my bag would have nothing inside and started packing all over again. I took my black jeans with two others hoodies, a black  and a dark blue one and put them in, luckily my hoodies aren't that oversized and big so they don't take up much place.

I kneeled in front the drawer beside my bed and took some undies from there while not giving any attention at my only bra laying there, what a shame, I was so excited to wear that bra years ago  but what for , it's not like I have to put something in, due to my lack of food my body stopped growing resulting to not have any  kind of normal development.

There's nothing bad having small boobs but that thing shows how much impact starvation had played  in the meantime thats the only reason i feel insecure,  of how small amd unhealthy i end up being, .

I took  that bra anyways and packed my undies in the bag. After I placed all the clothes in I took my sleeping pills with some packs of cigarettes and hide them in the small pocket of the bag.

As I was done packing i looked for the last time this cold depressed room and left without thinking twice. I have made up my mind.