Black

Chapter 15

ZAYN'S P.O.V

I Go back in time. five months ago and two days. –and 3 hours to be exact- . The time Layla confessed. The day she broke me like a promise.

I was miserable, shocked, and tired. Tired from everything, really. Starting with myself and ending with the way the universe acted. And how you can wake up the happiest with your loved ones surrounding you and sleep alone with only darkness around.

No amount of tears can fill the emptiness of my soul. 

I stayed in my small messy flat for days. Denying and refusing to believe she actually left me. And still hoping she will reappear in my living room somehow when I walk in. or she will be on the other side on the pillow when I open my eyes in the morning. Or she will call me to help her with her homework. But neither of this happened.

It felt like everyone was moving on with their lives, being happy or busy or tired or just being normal people while I was stuck in this hole. Unable to breathe and unable to climb out of it. 

People called it 'denial'. It was more like a lost hope. More like waking up and not wanting to take it in the day. It was me just losing the motivation of this life. And for those days, my whit ceiling was more interesting than shaving and showering and facing life without her. 

We may have not been together for long, we dated for ten months. I breathed her like she was the last air in this exotic earth and I wore her like my favorite jumper. And in those ten months I discovered that I believe in soul mates. In good and evil. And in happy ending where the prince kisses the princess at the end of the aisle. She made me fall in love with old Disney movies. She made me believe in love again. But now all I believe is black emotions.

Soon, I was able to carry on. the pain was still there but I learned how to live with it. I was convinced that pretending to be dead won't actually kill your pain. And pretending she was still here wouldn't bring her back. Nor your tears and patheticness. 

And that's how you get your life back. By pretending you have one. You watch TV like you usually do. You smoke more. Read more often and jack off too much. That was pretty enough for me to get out of the 'denial' zone.

My attention is focused on Sach now. She eats her food silently and she chews very slowly. Like she was trying her best not to be noticed. Like she wanted to disappear without actually leaving. She looks sad.

"Do you enjoy your time with me?" I ask. The question is as loaded as a gun.

SACHA'S P.O.V :

I swallow narrowly.

Should I lie to him? What else was he expecting? Me nodding and telling him I'm having the time of my life? 

Even though I feel better about the whole situation I still wanted it to end. I wanted him to kiss my cheek and tell me it's all over and he's never coming back again nor sneak in my room. Part of me wanted to go back to my old boring life, but the other part of me wanted to kiss him in the lips.

"I do enjoy my time with you, Zayn." I lied. Half of me did.

Zayn smiled in a polite way. His attention was back into his dish. But his mind wasn't. and I wonder where his brain is flying right now. 

After long period of wordless time, we decided to go. Zayn paid for the dinner. –of course.- they would be no way I have enough money to pay. Specially in a restaurant like this. specially with people like Zayn.

"Zayn Malik," I say as we drive away from the big gate. I say it mostly to myself rather to him. "You have a pretty name." I raise my voice.

"You have a pretty face." He says in a low warm voice. And I almost believe him, but the flaws I see, and the insecurities I feel stop me from getting his kind words.

I shoot him a small shy smile.

"it makes me really sad that some people can be so pretty and incredibly magnificent yet they feel the worst about themselves." His voice was low as my self esteem. 

I don't response. sometimes when people are too nice and too sweet you shouldn't say anything. A smile says it all when there's really nothing to be said.

"I want to make you feel beautiful."