The angel I ruined. (Castiel x male reader OC |NSFW|)

Chapter 8: "Waiting For Change"

Today, I woke up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the faint morning light that seeped through the cracks in the blinds. Another day, filled with the weight of my depression. It settled upon me like a heavy cloak, suffocating and unrelenting. The familiar numbness clung to my soul, like a thick fog enveloping my every thought.

As I lay there in bed, I felt the heavy emptiness gnawing at the core of my being. The simple act of getting out of bed felt like an insurmountable challenge, as if gravity itself conspired against me.

Thoughts swirled through my mind, tangled and chaotic, like a tempest raging within. Memories of past failures and disappointments danced before my weary eyes, reminding me of my perceived inadequacies. The sense of worthlessness became a cruel companion, taunting me with its relentless persistence. It whispered venomous words, fueling my self-doubt and insecurities.

Even the simplest of tasks felt daunting, their significance lost in the overwhelming apathy that gripped me. Brushing my teeth, taking a shower, putting on clothes - each action carried the burden of an exhausting chore. The world outside seemed distant and unfamiliar, as if I were an observer trapped behind a hazy veil. The colors had dulled, the sounds muffled, as if reality itself had lost its vibrancy.

The weight of loneliness pressed upon me, an ache that seemed to consume my very essence. The isolation I felt was suffocating, like being trapped in a room with no windows or doors. The desire for connection warred within me, juxtaposed with the belief that I was unworthy of love and understanding. It seemed easier to withdraw, to retreat into the recesses of my own mind, where the darkness felt less daunting.

I reluctantly rose from my bed, I carried the weight of my depression upon my shoulders, every step a laborious effort. The day ahead loomed before me, a daunting battlefield where my mind waged its own war. In this internal struggle, I yearned for a sliver of hope, a spark of light that could guide me out of the abyss. But for now, I trudged forward, my thoughts consumed by the heavy burden of my depression.

Today, despite it being my day off, I made a deliberate choice to return to the hospital. There was a magnetic pull that drew me back, a yearning to be close to Sam and Dean. The previous day had brought a glimmer of light into my life, a much-needed respite from the darkness that shrouded my existence. The laughter that had escaped my lips felt foreign yet exhilarating, a forgotten melody in the symphony of my depression.

In their presence, I had experienced a rare sense of joy, a momentary escape from the weight that had burdened my soul for far too long. Their company had breathed life into the dormant embers of my spirit, rekindling a flame that had been on the verge of extinguishing. It was a refreshing change, a reminder that happiness could still find its way to me, even in the most unexpected moments.

The decision to be near Sam and Dean today was not born out of obligation or duty, but rather a hunger for more of those fleeting moments of connection and laughter. Their presence had become a lifeline, a source of solace in the midst of my turbulent emotions.

There was a sense of anticipation as I made my way through the familiar hallways, an eagerness to see Dean's infectious smile and Sam's comforting presence. They had unknowingly become pillars of support, beacons of light in my otherwise darkened world. Just the thought of being near them filled me with a renewed sense of hope, a reminder that even in the depths of despair, moments of connection and joy could still be found.

As I was walking to their room, a mix of nervousness and excitement welled up within me. Would the laughter and camaraderie from the previous day be there to greet me once again? Or would the weight of my depression reclaim its hold, casting a shadow over this newfound brightness?

I saw Castiel approaching the room too, with a plastic bag in his hand. I smiled at him as a gesture of hello. Curiosity piqued within me, wondering what could be inside the bag. Without uttering a word, Castiel nodded, acknowledging my presence.