Sweet Bully- Minsung

14

This was too much. My breathing got heavier and heavier. I almost couldn't breath. Han's friends laughed and came closer to me. Then I already felt the first punch. It was from Han. Then it got more and more. All 4 of them were beating me. Hahaha how pathetic. I'm so pathetic. What did I think? Why did I trust Han?

I started to cry and they laughed more while beating me. They said such words like "You deserve this you piece of shit" "Go hang yourself" "You freak" and other words that I couldn't hear properly anymore. My vision started to go black. Until suddenly everything stoped. I didn't feel or see anything. It was just black and peaceful.

I woke up on the hallway floor when I heard the sudden bell ring. People started to come into the building. I quickly got up and put my hood on. I went outside and tried to go out of the school. It was very painful to move and I could barely walk because my legs were shaking too much. I felt so weak. I silently cried and made my way out. I went to the bus stop and the bus would come in 25 minutes. It's always like this early in the morning.

So I decided to walk home instead. People were looking at me weirdly as I passed them. It only made me tear up more. I regret everything. Every little thing I've done for Han. Everything except my feelings. And I hate myself for it. I know it's pathetic but feelings can't just disappear.

When I arrived home I went up the stairs which was a very hard task to do cause I hadn't had any energy left. But I still made it. On my bed I laid down sighing. I took my phone out and texted to our group chat that I went home because I felt sick.
I also told them that I wouldn't come to school for the next days and that they shouldn't come visit me.

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I putted phone on the night stander and just curled up on my bed. A tear slipped down my cheeks. A second later another one. Then a third one. Then it was a rainfall. I cried until no tear came down. I cried until I couldn't breathe. I cried until I realized of what kind of person I am. I'm a terrible person. I probably make everyone's life like hell. I got up and went into my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy. And it had a big ass blue bruise. My whole face was injured. My arms too. And maybe other part that I can't see yet. Tears were dried on my cheeks which were now burning on my open bruises. Then I punched the mirror. I didn't want to see myself. My hand began to bleed severely but I didn't care.  One piece of the mirror was stuck on my knuckles, it looked terrible but it didn't even hurt me. I simply took it out wincing and it began to bleed more. It bled terribly. Wanting to feel something I searched.

I searched for something to feel. Even if it would be more pain to feel. Then I finally found something. A razor. I put up my sleeves and looked at my skin. It was clean and smooth. Then I did it. I cut myself. Not only once or twice. I did it until I was satisfied. Which wasn't soon. The floor on the bathroom was full of blood now. Not feeling bothered I got up and wanted to put a bandage around my arm.

But before I could do anything I saw black dots. They became bigger and bigger. Till it was completely black. Did I die now? On the bloody floor of my bathroom? My body would be found after a few days probably. Or maybe longer. No one would notice that I'm gone anyways right? They'd all be free. They don't have to pretend to care anymore.

I hope my teachers didn't call my parents. They would kill me. But wait a sec. How could they kill me even though I'm dead? Hahahaha, I'm free now. "Minho..." I heard someone whisper. This is kinda scary. "Minho..." it got louder. It sounded like Felix's deep voice. Did Felix die too and got an angel or what the heck am I hearing?

"Minho,please wake up" He cried. Why was he crying? Okay it's really getting creepy right now. Where am I? Am I dead or not? Why am I hearing Felix? Was it all just a dream?
"Minho...please,please wake up.." I heard him cry more. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't.

After I few tries I could slowly open them. It was bright as hell here. Am I in heaven now? Am I free from all that fucking stress? A few seconds later i got used to the light and could see my vision more. "Oh my god Minho! Why would you do that? I'm so happy your awake. I'm gonna call the doctor and if you try to do something, I'm gonna kill you with my own hands." I heard Felix say. I looked around and my heart dropped.

I was in a hospital room. When did I land here? Who bought me here? My left arm and hand was covered with bandages. Then the door opened and a Felix came with a Doctor. Felix looked really happy but also very very angry. "So Mr.Lee, my name is Dr. Yang. Do you know why you're here?" He asked. I think I know why I am here but should I say it? It would be awkward but they probably already know why I landed here. I'm still gonna say no. I shake my head as an answer. "Well you are here because you have attempted to kill yourself. And your hand is badly injured too because of the mirror piece that was stuck. But a good thing
is that they will all heal completely in a few weeks. We have to take some tests and a therapist will come and talk to you later. If you are positive you can go home tomorrow. But if you're negative you have to go to the psychiatry. And don't worry. We already informed your school that you won't be going to school tomorrow." Doctor Yang explained it to me.

I nodded at him. I didn't really wanna talk right now. "If you have any questions you can always come and find me. You can go to the receptionist and ask for me there. I'll be right there then." He smiled. He really seems kind. Smiling at him I nodded. Then he went out.

Suddenly Felix started to cry again and sat down next to me. "Why would you do that? Don't you know how much we love you Minho? I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you. What if I never came to your house huh? What if I hadn't found you? You'd be dead Minho. Dead. What would I do without you? What would we do without you?"

"Felix,I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to try to kill myself. Really. I just wasn't feeling very good. I promise I won't do it again okay? Please don't cry." I hugged him with my non injured arm. "Han did this to you right? If I'm not gonna kill that motherfucker then my name isn't Felix."

"You're right. Your name isn't Felix. It's Yongbok." I chuckled. Felix glared at me which made it even more funny. Then he began to chuckle too. "Why are you making jokes? You're in a serious condition. And I shouldn't be laughing either."

We laughed even though it wasn't that funny. Then we talked about things. About how we would tell it to Seungmin and Jeongin. Then a few other things like how Felix found me. So here's the story how my lovely friend found me and saved my useless life:
He was going  to his locker but not far away he found my books on the floor. Then he somehow managed to know that something was off. He quickly got out of the school and went to my house. He opened the door,which I didn't lock, and ran to my room. After not seeing me there he got into my bathroom and saw me there. Laying in a puddle of my own blood. It was probably very traumatizing for him and I'm very sorry that he had to see me like that.

But I'm glad that he's the one that found me. If Jeongin or Seungmin would've found me it would've hit them harder. Felix is stronger then them mentally so it's good that the other of the two didn't found me.
A knock on the door interrupted us. "Excuse me? I'm the therapist. My name is Dr.Kim. I'm here to talk with you Minho. Could you friend please leave us for a moment alone? It won't last long, I promise."
"Of course." Felix said and smiled at me. He kissed my scalp before I watched him go out of the hospital room. Then my and Dr. Kims eyes met.

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