If I Let You Go

Chapter 19 - Jack Coke

Taylor's mother commanded that he is to move back home. Taylor does not have the energy to care about a lot of things these days, so he just agreed without any fuss. He's now permanently staying at their family house in Rizal. And as such, the sleepless nights resumed.

Taylor swirled the dark liquid inside the half full squat glass he's holding. The clinking of ice created a melodic tone that Taylor savored while his eyes are closed. He opened them when he heard the glass door slid open.

Amante walked over and sat adjacent to him on the garden set by the pool. He pointed at the bottle of Jack and cans of coke in front of Taylor, "May I have some?"

Taylor waved his hand as a go ahead, so Amante mixed himself a drink. He then leaned back to enjoy the first sip. "Pretty mild drink but taste good anyway." he observed.

Taylor looked at the lighted pool and did not say anything for a while. It was here by this garden set, and the pool serving as witness when he chose to betray Rain. He inhaled deeply trying to calm the tears that's about to fall, "It's his favorite cocktail, Jack Coke."

Amante nodded in understanding.

"You're having a hard time sleeping here. You should not have moved back home." Amante stated. He knows about Taylor's unease in this house since that thing happened 14 years ago. Amante blames himself but cannot do anything about his brother's plight.

"So, tell me about your boy." Amante instead urged.

Taylor sipped at his drink and continued swirling the liquid as he leaned back and looked at Amante. He stretched his right leg to sit more comfortably and inhaled deeply once again as he considered what to say.

"I tripped and sprained my ankle while I was on my annual solo trip. He offered to bind it for me and while he was doing so, I thought, 'ahh so this is how it feels to be taken care of.' And I remembered being inexplicably jealous of the special person he will take good care of in the future.

He's a very smart boy. A med student who's at the top of his class. Pretty unexpected for a lively and goofy boy who jokes around constantly. Did you know that he considers my car our child? He demanded that in the event of a divorce, he will get full custody. He even named it Masey. Ridiculous boy.

He's a twin you know. Archer Hidalgo claims that when his girlfriend River, Rain's twin, and Rain's side by side with only the back of their heads visible, he cannot tell who his girlfriend is. But I disagree, I can somehow tell or more like, feel who Rain is." Taylor smiled a little at this but eventually the smile fell after a few moments.

"His breakup note says that there are so many things he wanted us to do together. That it can be me and him against the world...I so wanted it to be like that, just me and him against the world...but I betrayed him...He wrote that he believed he can make me happy because I looked lonely up here, but he also wrote that he realized he's wrong. I so wanted to let him know that he's not wrong, he did make me happy." Taylor sniffed and slightly sobbed.

"That he was and still is my source of happiness in this world." Taylor paused

"And now he's gone..." Taylor's voice faded, like the fading joy he momentarily experienced while looking back at Rain's moments in his life. Taylor started sobbing a bit louder and tears fell from his eyes that he did not bother wiping.

Amante looked at his forlorn and slightly sobbing brother. He wanted to cry for the sorrow and heartbreak Taylor's feeling right now. He instead reached out and rubbed at Taylor's back to somehow ease Taylor's sobbing.

***

At the balcony directly above the lanai where the garden set's situated, Natalia listened to his son pour out his soul while sobbing. She realized the extent of her selfishness. She used her own son as a tool for her own personal revenge. She who knows the pain of a broken heart, let his precious son go through the same heartache. She really is a bad mother.

***

The following morning, Taylor joined the family at the breakfast table still slightly hung over. Natalia observed his son and realized that Taylor lost a lot of weight recently. His tall frame seems to droop slightly, his eyes lifeless, rimmed with tiredness and a little sunken. The combination of lack of sleep and heartache's having a huge impact on Taylor's physical well-being.

"Did you drink again last night?" their father asked disapprovingly.

Taylor flinched a little at the sound of their father's voice. He nodded without looking his father's way. This further irritated his father and was about to deliver a stinging reprimand when Amante interrupted him.

"Pa, since the Essentiá collaboration ended successfully, I think we can proceed with the preparation for the new collection. A fashion house recently contacted me, they are hoping to schedule a meeting with us. If this will push through, I will need Taylor's assistance on this project." Amante distracted their father.

Natalia sent a thankful glance at Amante and then continued observing his lifeless son. She placed a sunny side up egg on Taylor's plate and placed the basket of bread nearer her son. She urged him to eat by gently tapping Taylor's arms twice. However, after a couple of bites, Taylor asked to be excused. He walked out the dining room and climbed up the stairs without looking at anyone.

"What is your son's problem?" their father snapped at Natalia.

"As if you care! Anyway, MY son's problem is none of your business!" Natalia snapped back and walked out the dining room and up the stairs to follow Taylor.

Natalia knocked on Taylor's door and decided to enter after a few seconds even though Taylor has not yet agreed for someone to come in. She saw Taylor standing and looking out at the floor to ceiling window with the drapes opened. She walked over and stood beside her son.

A few minutes passed before she started talking.

"I was not aware you were having a hard time sleeping in this house. I'm sorry, anak. I never realized that in my pursuit of revenge, I am hurting you. I'm really a bad mother."

"You're not." Taylor contradicted tiredly.

They remained silent for a couple more minutes before Natalia said, "Move back to the condo in QC." Taylor remained silent and unresponsive.

Natalia sighed and said, "And...ahm...I will try not meddle in your affairs."

Taylor whipped his head to look at his mother. When Natalia turned her head to face him, Taylor arched one of his eyebrows as if to confirm what he heard.

"I sincerely want you to do what will make you happy...And I will try my hardest to accept your decision."

Taylor side hugged his mother with one arm. He eventually said, "Thank you, I appreciate the compromise. I will move back to the condo."

Taylor freed his mother from the side embrace and said, "Ma, Rain has left me...No, hear me out first." Taylor said when he saw Natalia's about to interrupt.

"My happiness has left me, and it is my fault. However, I would like you to find your own. Don't you think it's time you move on from the heartache you've been carrying for decades? After being with Rain, I truly wanted the people I care about to experience the same happiness that love has brought me. I don't think I'll have that again, but I would be very happy if you find your own happiness."

Natalia wondered how she was able to raise such an excellent son when she's been a very bad mother.