If I Let You Go

Chapter 21 - Everything else is insignificant

Taylor's sitting in front of the table at their father's home office watching some runway videos trying to get additional inspiration on an upcoming collaboration with a fashion house when he came across an old Victoria's Secret video where Halsey's a guest performer.

"Does it ever get lonely? Thinking you could live without me"

Halsey blaring her break up song in the middle of the runway caused Taylor an actual pain in his chest. It has been 6 months, half a year of missing him on every moment since he left. Half a year of drowning himself in heartbreak that he was trying so hard to hide.

The door suddenly opens, and one of his favorite people in the world, his maternal uncle walked in. Noah is his mother's youngest brother. A few years older than him and possesses one of the most beautiful faces he has seen in this life.

"You're this old and yet you haven't learned how to knock on closed doors.", Taylor softened the reprimand by smiling a little but as usual, the smile never reached his eyes.

On the other hand, Noah smiled widely as if knowing he caught his nephew thinking of naughty things. "Why should I knock when I know you're single and have no one na pwedeng landiin*", Noah teased. (*no one you can flirt with)

"And to what do I owe this visit to?" Taylor ignored the 'single' jab to avoid the subject.

Noah stared at his nephew silently for a few seconds as if trying to read what's on his mind. He must be careful, every word and argument that should come out of his mouth should be chosen wisely and should target a specific emotion inside Taylor. Noah needed this talk to be successful because Taylor is the most important person in his sister's life. The sister that loved and supported him no matter what. But when he was about to open his mouth, Taylor raised his right hand to stop him.

Noah was about to complain but got distracted with the way his nephew's fingers were positioned as it was raised to stop him from talking. He thought, 'There is no doubt that Taylor and his older brother are related.' That almost invisible reddish mole at the bump below his pinky finger, that slight bent on four of his fingers, arranged as if on a rising geometrical pattern, the thumb away from those four fingers and in a relaxed position. Exactly how his...he shook his head slightly, wanting to dispel the thought.

"Huh?" Noah asked Taylor while shaking his head a bit. Tsk this is not the time to think of that person.

"Tsk. Uncle, what are you thinking of? I said, I don't want to hear it." Taylor laid back on his chair's back rest. Trying to look relaxed while internally fighting a thunderstorm of emotions. He's really trying to force down his heaving. His gastritis acting up again.

Noah walked closer to Taylor's table and smilingly said, "What it? I haven't said anything yet."

Taylor looked at his uncle and for a few seconds they had a staring contest. The other calmly smiling while the other have a serious unreadable expression.

Noah broke the connection "Let's talk over some snacks. I asked for some meryenda* before I barged in here." (A/N *meryenda is a snack or small meal usually served in between lunch and dinner)

And as if on cue, a maid entered with a tray on the slightly ajar door. After serving the snacks on the center table, the maid left shutting the door.

Taylor and Noah transferred to the couches in front of the coffee table. The maid brought small sandwiches, cut up fruits and a glass carafe of juice. A tall glass of iced coffee is noticeable which brought a slight pain in Taylor's chest. He started drinking iced coffee since the day he agreed to leave Rain. Every mouthful of the strong drink reminding him of the bitter fate he and Rain had.

Noah raised his eyebrow when Taylor sipped at the coffee and grimaced at the cold and bitter aftertaste.

"Why are you drinking that when you clearly don't like the taste?" Nah asked

"I don't know, maybe to punish myself." Noah bitterly said

Noah looked at Taylor and sighed, "Then why don't you do anything about it?"

Taylor did not say anything as if trying to ignore what Noah said but he also sighed after a while. "Noah, I know you mean well but I don't think I'm the one he was supposed to find in this lifetime. Clearly, we are not destined. I don't think I'm meant for love."

Noah's heart broke for this kid. Despite the words, he can hear the longing and pain as Taylor force himself to say that he's not the one meant for the love of his life.

"And so, you are resigned to this 'I'm not meant for love' fate of yours?" Noah mockingly asked Taylor.

Taylor walked back to the table but did not sit on the chair. He stood beside the chair and looked out the floor to ceiling glass wall of their father's home office and tried to calm his emotions by looking at the view before him.

"Yes." Taylor replied. "Besides, I've hurt him. It is my fault we are not together. I do not have the right to long for him after what I did." Taylor sadly added.

Noah who followed Taylor and now standing beside Taylor's table asked Taylor to sit down. Taylor obliged by sitting down on the chair in front of his father's table. Noah half sat on the desk and leaned over. "Imma tell you something. I have this, um let's call it a belief for lack of a better word... I believe that loving someone is a decision. Yes, I do agree to every other definition of love like it is something that one has no control over etc etc...but I believe, love is also a decision." Noah firmly stated.

"I say this because loving someone comes with several outcomes that is a result of your decision. Do you pursue the person? And if you did, what will you do if the person rejects you? Do you resume pursuing, or do you give up? But more important is, what if that person accepted you? What then? And if you both managed to decide to be in a relationship, what's next?"

Noah stood up and turned as if to leave but he faced Taylor once more and softly tapped a blue diamond earring on Taylor's right ear. After a few moments, Noah started walking to the door. When he reached it, he stopped and faced Taylor again.

"To me, loving someone means deciding to stay together no matter what. You can present all the buts and all the excuses why you can't be with that person. But to me they are just that, buts and excuses, nothing more."

Then while still facing Taylor, Noah reached out his arm towards hisback and turned the doorknob. He opened the door and almost exited the officewhile walking backwards. He then finished, "Because all that should matter isthat you love each other...Everything else is just insignificant."