𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃、𝗆𝗂𝗒𝖺𝗓𝖺𝗐𝖺 𝗄𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗂

꒱.✧ 感激 ;; war within self

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Your mother, unlike the other villagers, thinks differently. She was not the woman who was all so optimistic and thinks that everything can be resolved with kindness. In a way, your mother has made herself an outcast. Still, your neighbors still value your family so dearly. They understand the grief that your mother has to live after your father died.

You barely knew anything about your father's death. Your mother never dared to talk about it nor share her pain with you, resulting in a lack of connection with your biological father. Sometimes, you wonder what kind of a man he is. Most elders talked about him in a very positive way and it piqued your interest from that moment on.

"What did you say?" Your mother had growled under her breath. She heard you share about your plans on leaving the village as soon as you turned eighteen. She was sitting at the end of the table, a nearly finished food was right in front of her. The chopsticks in her hand had stopped moving when you asked for further reasons. She stared at your soul. "Because I said so. You're not allowed to leave this house. You're young. You're making foolish dreams."

This sudden disagreement from your mother made your heart sink in despair. You stood up in an attempt to reason back but she only had her voice raised, declaring authority within the room as she stood up to make herself a threat. "[First Name]! If I said no, learn to shut your mouth." and you did.

The silence was too heavy. You heard your mother sighed before she let herself slumped back to her seat. Her hands wiped her tears off her face in frustration. You couldn't really speak further, not when your mother just started crying. Soon, your guilt slowly embraced you, eating you alive as you stood there quietly in the dim-lighted room.

"You're just like your father."

Your ears perked up from your mother's words. Words piling up in the back of your mind but you wouldn't dare to throw them at your mother. So you shut your mouth still as she told you to.

The silence was broken by your mother's mockery. "Did you know your father dreamed about going out to the city as well?" and just like that, she had all your attention completely. Your eyes are fixed at your mother's eyes, though your eyes strike a huge resemblance to hers, it does not reflect the same emotion regarding this matter. "He had that same look on his face. Such joy and...excitement.." Her voice cracked.

You could tell her tone was sweet before you knew it, it turned sour, eventually, bitter. You watched your mother's face twisted into a painful scowl. It didn't take you long enough for you to notice how her hands trembled. Your whole body began to freeze. Almost as if it was reacting before the news gets delivered. You held your arm to provide yourself comfort.

"Look at him now. Enjoying his life in the city." Your mother's hatred was your last straw.

"What? But everyone said he is dead?"

"He could be. I don't know." Your mother turned her back on you, refusing to see your reaction. She was aware this conversation would only make you even more motivated to go to the city. She gathered the dishes scattered on your table and put them into the dirty sink. Too tired to lie down. Maybe she would wash these first instead of doing them tomorrow morning.

"M-Mom, I..." You wanted to apologize. Your dream must have triggered fear for your mother. At some point, you started thinking about not pursuing them anymore. But you made a promise with Kenji. The boy believed in you. How do we tell them about it?

It was painful. To pull up the words you don't want to say. There's a lump in your throat that refuses to throw up the words that your mother needed to hear. Your heart burns so deeply that you can feel your unresolved anger welling up and yet, you still swallow the fire that you nurtured for years. It only took a little spit to kill that passion.

"Mom, I'll stay here." you wanted to give her a smile but your lips had betrayed you; pulling both corners down rather than displaying a positive notion. You tried to smooth things over by surrendering defeat. You chose to keep the peace between you and your mother, now you have to start a war within yourself.

"I...I'll be going out for a bit. Just to, uhh, get some fresh air." You nearly stumbled back, almost losing your foothold but you successfully managed to grab the wooden door, gaining balance, you then slid the door open.

As soon as you got out of your simple house, the golden boy was waiting for you. You stared at Kenji in horror. How much did he hear? You stood there still until Kenji grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. He started walking in a direction without looking back at you. You stayed quiet as the night howled, ushering the villagers to sleep.

Filling the silence between you and Kenji, you whispered, "I'm sorry..."