stars, records and heart shaped glasses

chapter ten - stars

The next weeks were full of sneaking around. They sometimes met up in abandoned classrooms, on the grounds where noone else hung out, or just snuck into each others beds at night. Noone noticed anything, except for Marlene and Dorcas maybe, that always gave Sirius knowing glances when he was together with Remus. They didn't talk about their relationship, they just enjoyed spending time together, whether it was studying, cuddling, reading, kissing or sucking each others dicks, which Sirius liked especially, although it was the most difficult one to do secretely, when James or Peter disturbed them constantly.

"I can't concentrate Mooonyy", Sirius complained one afternoon, where the two of them where studying in the gryffindor common room together. He let himself down on Remus lap with his head, letting his head get massaged by Remus.

"Like this, neither of us can."

"Y'know what I'd like to do instead?"

Remus looked up, scanning the room, then bent down and kissed him.

"I know, Paddy, but we really shouldn't forget school."

"I knoow", Sirius grunted. Life was not fair, why couldn't he just spend all day with Remus in bed?

A little later, Marlene and Dorcas had joined them.

"Sooo, Marlene, I heard that you have a boyfriend?", Remus asked, wanting to get distracted from his homework.

She looked at Dorcas and Sirius knew exactly what they were communicating with each other.

"Actually, Dorcas is my girlfriend."

"Really? I'm so happy for you!" He now turned towards Sirius next to him. "It makes sense why you wouldn't tell me about that. Are you guys out to anyone else?"

"Just some of the gryffindor girls. Lily found out immediately", Dorcas explained laughingly. "But we're thinking of going public."

"Not like a big announcement, but just not hiding it, you know?", her girlfriend added.

"Are you sure?" Sirius was concerned, many wizards were not positive towards homosexuals and he imagined the two girls being bullied by everyone at Hogwarts.

"Not really, but we're sick of hiding ourselves."

Sirius nodded understanding. "If anyone is gonna give you trouble, just tell me and I'll deal with it."

The girls thanked him geniunely appreciative.

"So, how are things between you two?", Marlene then asked. "I didn't even ask how the date was."

"Well... a lot has happened I guess. The date didn't really happen tho", Sirius started, but let Remus continue.

"But we've sorted things out. We've been doing stuff together. But we're still not sure if we're a couple yet and we haven't told anyone."

That was the first time any of the two boys had even talked about this topic. So far, it hadn't mattered to Sirius whether or not they were in a committed relationship, because he knew that to him Remus was the only one anyways.

"I'm soo happy for you guys!", Dorcas said and overwhelmed them with a hug.

"Don't push them, Dorcas. Remember how much time we needed?", Marlene interfered.

Sirius saw that Remus was blushing and couldn't deny that he was feeling similar too.

"Well then, I hope you two will figure it out soon."

Sirius made the decision to not let the obligatory conversation with Remus about their relationship status not wait any longer. Under the excuse that he wanted to watch the stars with him, he made Remus come to the Astronomy tower after the sun had set, that evening.

The night was clear and the moon thin and the stars were watching over the two as they stood infront of the railing. Still, it wasn't too dark, because the lights from all parts of the castle were coming through the air, up to them.

Sirius stared at Remus, the warm light illuminating him and the reflection of the stars in his brown eyes.

"You are so beautiful." Remus blushed.

"You are. I really like your eyes, have I told you that?"

"So you like my puppy eyes, mmh?", Sirius replied, giving him his best puppy look and Remus laughed.

"Yeah."

Sirius looked up at the sky, taking every star into his glance, appreciating that they were shining for them. That's what he liked to imagine.

"You really do love the stars, don't you?", Remus teased him and hugged him from behind, his arms pressing against Sirius' belly.

"Mmmh. It feels like they know everything from up there and don't even care. Like, we're just some guys on this whole world. We don't even matter to the universe."

"I find scary. If nothing matters anyways, why live in the first place?"

"I think it's a good thing. You know, if nothing matters, you can do whatever you want. Why should I care about these little stupid things when the stars are up there, just vibing, floating around."

"That's a nice way of seeing it."

"But you know what I love more than the stars?" Sirius released himself out of the hug and turned to look at Remus, leaning against the railing with his back and intertwined their fingers.

"What?"

"You, Remus. I love you." It felt really good saying it, in that exact perfect moment. He didn't care if it was too early, or if Remus would say it back.

"I love you too."

Remus bent down to kiss him and the kiss was very special, felt realer than the ones they'd shared before. Although it felt like every kiss with Remus was always better in that moment than the ones Sirius just remembered.

After this magical moment, they sat down on the ground now and Sirius started staring into the night again.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?", Remus suddenly said, as if he had planned to say these words since a hot minute.

It caught Sirius off guard and he wasn't able to answer right away. He wanted to be with Remus, sure, but being a boyfriend didn't seem right to him.

"It's okay if you don't want to, I know you don't like being in a relationship."

"No, no it's not like that. I'd like to be together with you. But can I just be your partner?"

Remus smiled at him. "Partner it is then." And Sirius smiled back and they kissed through their smiles.

"But why did you think I don't like being in a relationship?"

"I thought because you never had a girlfriend, even though you liked all these girls... I was scared that I'd just be another fling to you."

"That's not true. You're more to me than any girl ever was. Maybe... maybe 'cause I am gay after all."

"It doesn't matter, does it?"

"You're right. The only thing that matters is that you like me and I like you."

Sirius felt like the stars agreed with him. And that they'd do anything to keep him and Remus together. And if the stars were on their side, what could go wrong?