Arranged

Twenty One - The Love That Never Lasted

At this moment I didn't know what to do it wasn't fair at the same time because I didn't know how to reply to this I was happy and scared at the same time. Why scared? Because I'm afraid of whats going to come out of my innocent lips that never hurt it anyone before. I was so upset i didn't know what to do I felt like whatever I will say it will sound as an excuse which it might be to be honest.

"Zain?" It came out as a question as i took a few deep breaths before I spoke again I looked at him in the eyes, his beautiful grey eyes was glowing and his big smile that was showing his beautiful white teeth melted my heart. I dropped my eyes down as tears were starting to come. I felt upset and hurt I cant get him involved with my family problems and stuff.

"Zain you see... it's a bit hard to accept you." I didn't even know what I was saying I couldn't understand myself at this moment he looked a bit sad and I seriously couldn't keep my gaze on him. "I'm really sorry but I have my reasons." I finished. He stood up while I can tell his eyes are on me.

"Can I know about those reasons? I mean I should at least know before getting rejected... right?" He said while smiling warmly making my heart drop, and that seriously  made me angry.

"How can you smile warmly like this in this kind of situation? I'm really hurt so I think you#'re more hurt than I am."

"I'm glad you know that I'm hurt, I don't know what to do... if I don't smile like this to you I think I might end up having a break down and do something crazy." He said as he looked down at the floor. "If one of the reasons is because I'm not Muslim, then I already converted and I was willing to come to your house and ask for your hand from your father after I propose to you." What am I supposed to do? I just want to leave but its not going to workout.

"Zain... I'm really sorry... I think I should have been more careful it's all my fault." It was all my fault for not following my religious beliefs, everything Allah says in the Qur'an or does is for a reason. And I just broke everything I smiled at Zain every time he came to get coffee, I looked at him in the  eyes and thought he's good looking... well to be honest he is and who ever marries this guy is lucky but I think I'm not lucky enough to have him. Getting him into my family won't bring no good.

"I got to go... it's already this late my mum won't be happy if I'm more late than this." I said as I tried my back and took a step to leave but he grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me towards him I was so close to him I could hear his breathing and also feel it that's how close we were at that time. My heart start it beating so fast and skipped a few beats and it made my heart hurt like when you do skipping rope and you miss it and then it hits you hard, and that would be either in your leg or hand... or where ever else you get it. My heart was sinking with emotions. Is this what I really want? Leave him here hurt and broken? I kept asking myself but I couldn't find the answer so I'm going to leave everything to Allah.

"I love you Arhama... with all my heart." He said as his grey eyes showed loads of emotions that cannot be explained in words.

"You probably loved other girls too." I said as I looked into his eyes. I might not be his first like he might be to me that's if we end up together which will not happen.

"I won't lie but it never felt the same way I'm feeling towards you today." He replied. "Can't you see I'm being for real? Can't you just try to understand me just a bit?"

"I can. I swear I can Zain. I'm feeling the same way too please lets just live it to Allah okay? Maybe we not meant to be." With that he let go of my wrist and he looked even more sad than before as his mouth dropped down like a little kid when you refuse to give them a lollipop.

"I will give you a lift." He said as he went out without looking back. I followed after him after a few minutes of deep breaths, he was outside holding the door of the car for me to go in. After I went in he closed the car door and went to the other side and came in. He drove without saying a word, saying anything more now would be painful and forced, so I as well didn't dare to say anything. My family is a mess, my dad is in dept, I mean that's the only reason I'm working myself hard plus my dad no longer feels good to be working, I can't just get married and be happy ever after while knowing all this.