Regenesis

Katie - after nap

Katie was unsure what woke her, but as she opened her eyes, the first thing she could see was Alexandra smiling back at her from the other side of the room. At first she was a little taken aback to see this stranger, but then the whole morning came back to her, Mass, discipline, family and then the lunch with the neighbours, including the frightening Miss Redwood. Katie wanted so much to talk to her new room-mate but had learned that she was under surveillance, and the slightest whisper would probably be picked up on the baby monitor by the door. She smiled back at Alexandra and adjusted her position under her duvet. Her plastic nappy covers crinkled embarrassingly under her and she could feel her face redden. As if in sympathy, Alexandra shifted herself in her bed and the ghastly noise was echoed back to Katie. Katie smiled sadly but gratefully at the gesture and blinked her eyelids quickly in response. Alexandra copied her. They were definitely going to be friends now. Just then, they both heard the sounds of footsteps coming up the stairs. Whether it was in fear of the impending arrival of one of the grown-ups, or just a natural result of her weekly injections, Katie felt her nappy begin to moisten inside the hated plastic pants and she immediately shut her eyes to feign sleep. She began to question that response in her head: was it a rule that she had to be asleep until she was woken? Would she be in trouble for being awake? Had she broken any rules at all? This, of course, was one of the planned outcomes for each girl enrolled in the programme. Because they were constantly under such overpowering scrutiny and supervision, and every minute action was observed and subject to discipline, each girl found herself in a perpetual state of self-questioning and presumed guilt. Second guessing herself was now part and parcel of Katie's life – and that of every other girl on the programme.

Katie kept her eyes scrunched up tightly as she heard the swish of skirts pass between her own bed and Alexandra's. Her body had been tense all the while, but she felt it relax noticeably when she recognised the sweet and delicate perfume which Miss Anderson wore. She risked opening one eye and caught sight of the backs of her stockinged legs as she approached the window, her slip showing below the hem of her skirt. This was most unusual for her guardian, who had seemed to pride herself on her own appearance, giving added authority when she criticised Katie's. "Good afternoon, girls. I hope you both had a nice nap. We didn't hear a peep out of you, so you must have needed it. Up you get now and we'll get you ready for our walk. Stand by the changing table, at fingertips if you please."

Both girls obeyed immediately and endured the ritual of having their nappies changed once again. Katie felt a sense of gratitude that it was Miss Anderson performing this task, and she smiled warmly up at her as the new nappy was fastened in place and the Sunday covers were drawn up over her legs and bottom. She even risked a sideways glance at Alexandra when it was her turn and wasn't surprised to see that she also needed to be changed. It was also the first time that she had been able to see, up close, another girl being changed. She knew that she shouldn't, but being so very curious, she caught herself staring down at what was happening to Alexandra. What shocked her at first was the sight of Alexandra's hairless mound: Katie had hardly seen her own bare mons, such had been the complete supervision since she had been shaved on her first day in nursery. Since then, she had always been lying back with her arms stretched out behind her head, presumably to prevent her seeing what was going on down there. Now she had an uninterrupted view of her room-mate's body in all its hairless purity, as Katie's own guardian was wiping the folds of Alexandra's bud, the exposed skin glistening slightly as it caught the light from overhead. Katie's mind was in turmoil at this sight. Part of her was mesmerized at the process unfolding before her, the unvarnished and beautiful simplicity being accepted, and maybe even welcomed by the girl lying in front of her. Alexandra had obviously been in care for longer than her, and possibly subjected to harsher discipline than she was, but her attitude seemed so much more graceful and welcoming than anything Katie could imagine for herself. And this is what she found perplexing: she actually envied Alexandra that sense of acceptance and willing that she had exhibited since they had first met. Even when Katie had seen that awful clip which locked her braces together, she felt a mix of pity, but also a strange envy of Alexandra in some uncertain way. She could not put her finger on it. There was an aura of belonging that Alexandra exuded, that she was where she should be, and that she not only accepted it, she was calmed by it. And that was what Katie found herself wanting: that same sense of acceptance and, yes, calm. When she had been in nursery, it had taken her a little while to get over the shock of how much control she had lost over her life, the details of her daily life which she had taken for granted. After about three weeks, she was taken for her visit to the tea shop, which marked her own acceptance of her situation. From then on, she worked hard to climb the ladder of obedience and do everything she could to prove herself worthy of promotion out of Nursery, although where to she knew not. Now, under the roof of her guardian, she was again plunged into a state of uncertainty and anxiety, albeit now because her stable routine had been upset, and every nerve was now on edge. She had not even been in Miss Anderson's care a week, and so everything was new: school, living conditions, sleeping conditions, clothing, her braces, new neighbours with scary guardians, everything. Katie longed to be able to chat freely with Alexandra, to find out more about what she cold expect in the weeks or months to come. More than that she longed for a real friend, someone to trust, to open up to, to cry with, maybe even to laugh with. Was that asking so much?

"....Katie, DO pay attention....are you still asleep?" It was the voice of her guardian. She blinked and her daydream was over. Alexandra was standing on the other side of the changing table, her elbows back at "fingertips" her breasts showing without a hint of embarrassment, the white nappy covers extending from her tummy button down to mid thigh, with the faux lace hovering just above her knees. In a very short while Katie too was adorned in matching pants, her arms up, waiting for the next instruction, just as she had been trained.

And so both girls were now standing downstairs, ready for their afternoon walk, their hair ribbons now retied, identically, cardigans on and hats fastened onto their heads. This had been done by Miss Anderson, while Miss Redwood sat at the table watching the proceedings carefully. Katie wondered about their relationship, and hoped she might have the chance to find out more from her new friend, and, hopefully, ally.

"I think the girls are ready, Miss Redwood"

Miss Redwood rose from her seat as she pronounced "Let's see, shall we?" almost as much aimed at Miss Anderson as the girls. After all, the preparations were purely Miss Anderson's doing, and in no real way affected by anything the girls could or could not do. Miss Redwood slowly prowled around the two girls, scrutinizing them in minute detail, adjusting one of Alexandra's hair-ribbons, fanning out Katie's spare hanky over her wrist, lifting both their skirts and showing their humiliating nappy covers. Miss Anderson stood to one side, watching and looking slightly worried, as Miss Redwood assumed authority over the proceedings. "Do you have the girls' wristlets, Miss Anderson, please?"

"Yes, Miss Redwood." And she brought them over, holding them out on the palms of her hands. "Would you mind opening them for me please" Miss Redwood could easily have done this for herself, but seemed to get some pleasure watching Miss Anderson do it for her. Katie felt a little humiliated for her and even a little protective. How dare she treat her guardian like that?

"And a short rein please Miss Anderson. I think we will pair the girls this afternoon." Miss Anderson brought over a short rein, holding it out for Miss Redwood, which Miss Redwood pointedly ignored, leaving her standing with her hand outstretched, not sure whether to keep it there or not. Miss Redwood put one wristlet around Katie's right wrist and clicked it shut, then the other around Alexandra's left, locking that too. When she was satisfied that both wristlets were secure, she turned to Miss Anderson and took the rein, smiling at her. "We don't want you wandering off.... do we girls?" "No, Miss" Alexandra replied shyly. Miss Redwood looked into Katie's eyes "....do we girls?" Katie looked down and said in the same voice as her companion "No, Miss" She smiled again. "When we are outside, you will hold hands at all times, unless instructed otherwise. Stand to the side and curtsy if we pass others on the street. Speak only when spoken to. Is that clear?"

"Yes Miss" both girls chimed in unison.

"I think we'll take a turn around the park, don't you, Miss Anderson?"

"What a good idea, Miss Redwood"

Miss Redwood waited for Miss Anderson to open the front door for her and then stepped through, with the girls following on behind her as Miss Anderson closed the front door to her house.

"Alexandra knows the way, so you will go in front, girls. No talking. Hold hands now"

Alexandra clutched at Katie's hand in such a way as to show that, exactly as both girls had been taught in Nursery, delayed obedience was disobedience. They turned right onto the pavement and headed towards town and towards Katie's school, but before they arrived, Alexandra led them on a side street leading away from the centre and towards the park which Katie had visited on a number of occasions while in Nursery. Indeed, up ahead she could see the tell-tale light blue Sunday uniforms of nursery girls being led into the same park for their afternoon walk. Could it have really only been last week that she herself was being taken for that same walk by Nanny Peters? What had changed since then?