FERRY-LOVE-BOAT

Chapter 10

The strong breeze from outside the Ferry made my hair fly freely behind me, the day was cold but sunny, the water glistened a beautiful blue and it was nice to be out here after such a hard day. I was still tired; I had arrived home in the middle of the night and had woken up early to catch the Ferry at the usual time.

Even after the disappointment of not meeting Carina after those 14 days of sharing some of our stories, I kept coming back the same time, claiming that I did it for me, but in truth, a part of my heart never stopped hoping that one day I would meet her here again.

Now I was out here, waiting for her, but she didn't show up. She was not in the place where I first saw her, leaning over the parapet while looking at the sea below us.

I got on the inside part of the Ferry with my head down, trying to convince myself that I deserved the deception of not having her here.

I had thrown the first punch; she was only defending herself.

-Won't you buy me a cup of coffee? - The voice, the accent, made me look upward quickly. Carina was standing there with her arms crossed.

-You... You came. - I whispered, more to myself than to her. - I looked for you.

-I was deciding whether or not to talk to you. - She answered.

-Were you hiding from me? - I asked back, smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

-Sí. - She simply said.

-Right, the coffee.... - I pointed with my chin to the coffee stand and we walked side by side to it.

I took her order as I remembered it, and when I turned toward her, she just nodded. I ordered my usual drink and handed the double espresso to her once it was ready.

-Carina, I'm sorry for what I said to you. - I had already told her that, but there was no other way to start this conversation. - I honestly don't condone any kind of degrading or prejudiced attitude and I know you hate when people limit you to stereotypes, at least that's what you told me years ago, and I... I messed up.

-Why were you so mean? - She asked back, without looking me in the eye.

-I was... I was hurt. - There was no point in calling her over here and not being honest with her. - When I saw you, as soon as I got out of the ambulance, I didn't know what to do, but while you were taking care of Jack, I remembered how sad and upset I was when you didn't show up anymore, just disappeared as if I didn't... Well, I know I wasn't important to you, but I never imagined that you would just stop coming here, without saying goodbye.

I wanted to use words like " suffering", "heartbreak", "tears", "sleepless nights", but I knew it would only bring an intensity that I didn't know if it was reciprocated. It was such a short time that we had spent together, and at the same time it had meant so much to me, it had impacted my life so deeply, but to put myself in a vulnerable place like this was not easy for me. I wasn't ready for that.

-Maya... - She finally looked up at me, she opened her mouth a few times, but no words were spoken. She sipped her coffee and let out a heavy sigh. - I had to rush back to Italy. I didn't have your phone number, I didn't know your name, I had no way to warn you. If I had the means, I would have never simply disappeared.

I looked down to avoid her gaze.

This had been one of the many possibilities that had crossed my mind when she stopped showing up at the Ferry, one of the possibilities I so deeply wanted to believe instead of indulging the little voice in my head saying that she had just gotten sick of me and was a cruel, vicious, person. Knowing that she didn't choose to stop seeing me gave me some comfort.

-I kept coming. - I spoke softly. - Every day.

This particular confession made my eyes water with memories of the disappointment-filled days I spent getting on the boat and searching every floor for her without finding her beautiful face.

-I'm sorry. - She whispered back, but I didn't have the courage to look at her because just the sincerity in her voice was enough to make my heart clench in my chest.

A lone tear escaped from my eye, but I quickly ran my fingers down my cheek to wipe it away.

-You helped me a lot back then. - I continued, wanting to change the subject. - I never got to tell you this, I never got to thank you for this, and I wish you had understood the impact you had on my life. I think that's why I was so sad when I couldn't see you anymore.

-I know, I felt the same way. - She spoke quickly. – I wish I had said goodbye. In fact, I wish nothing had happened to force me to return to Italy ahead of time. I wish I had suffered through the days and said farewell to you little by little, enjoying each day, keeping each conversation in my memory. I wish I had been braver too. Brave enough to admit to myself that what I really wanted at that time was to never have to leave.

-You know, I was going to ask your name the next day. - I finally lifted my face to look at her after hearing her sweet words. - That day, when you got off the boat, I decided that I would ask your name in the next day.

-At least now you know. - She smiled sideways.

-It's a nice name. - I said back. - It suits you.

-I always thought you'd have a very American name. - She said and laughed softly. - Like Rachel or Jane.

-Maya was a disappointment? - I asked, now laughing too.

-No, it was a pleasant surprise. - She answered, smiling. - It suits you too.

-Thank you. - My cheeks did me no favors by turning red at the compliment. – I truly am sorry. I hope you believe me when I say that I didn't mean what I said when we met again... I just...

-You wanted me to be as hurt as you were hurt. - She shrugged but there was a lot of sadness in her eyes and after seeing her smile, it almost physically hurt to see such opposite feeling on her beautiful face. - I was hurt when I left too, Maya. But when I saw you at that ambulance... Wow. I... I thought life was finally giving me a second chance, you were there, just like I remembered. No, not as I remembered, you were so...

She stopped herself.

-So? - I asked, and she just shook her head, unwilling to continue.

-The thing is, I was disappointed when I heard you say those things, it was as if you had tainted every good memory I had of you, as if you had killed the woman I remembered you to be. - She said, and I felt my throat burn with the urge to cry.

-I'm so sorry. I don't want you to think that you can't trust my sincerity, or the honesty of my words, and I understand what you said. Attitudes speak louder than empty words, but please give me the opportunity to show you with my actions that I am not that person. That I haven't tainted the good memories you have of me. - That was all I could say and hope for. - Can we start over? I really want to be your friend.

She looked into my eyes and her expression was indecipherable, but after a few seconds she shyly smiled at me.

-Dr. Carina DeLuca. - She held out her hand on the table.

-Captain Maya Bishop. - I held her hand firmly and shook it, returning the smile.

There was hope.

This was our new beginning.