FERRY-LOVE-BOAT

Chapter 34

Mayas POV:

-Well, you were about to have sex, right? I guess intimacy is necessary for that to happen. - Andy laughed a little. - What did she want?

-To take off my clothes. - I whispered the answer and felt my cheeks warm at the confession.

-Well, that's usually how people get laid Maya.

-Not me. - I shrugged, still not facing Andy. - I don't like feeling exposed like that, it's like being a little clothed distances me a little from the person I'm with.

-Do you have sex with your clothes on? - Andy asked in shock.

-That's not the point, Andy! - I complained, raising my gaze to her face. In fact, the real point wasn't being made. I knew what had made me act that way during sex, but it wasn't something I shared with anyone, not even Andy.

-I'm sorry, but I think it is. - She insisted. - You're the one who takes most care of your body here, it's not possible that you're ashamed to show it off...

-It's not about shame, Andy. - I tried to explain. - It's about vulnerability.

And fear. And resentment. And reliving unpleasant memories from the past.

-You have confronted this before. This here. - She alternated her index finger between the two of us. - It's you allowing yourself to be vulnerable and you know that a lot of vulnerability is about reciprocity. Do you think Carina is being reciprocal?

-Yes- I was quick in my answer because there was no doubt about it, she had been my almost-lover who had most considered my feelings even when she was trying to convince me to give up my top place to her.  - She didn't force me into anything, not even to explain about the reason behind me not wanting to take my clothes off. But she told me that it is not something negotiable for her, she wants this kind of intimacy, and that if I wasn't comfortable with it, that I could find someone else to fuck and she would find a way to be okay with it, even if it meant maintaining only a friendship between us.

-And do you want that?

-No, of course not. - I snorted and let my head hang back and crash against the back of my chair. - I haven't had sex with anyone since I saw Carina on the other side of that ambulance; I can't force myself to look at anyone else, Carina is all I want. And I don't want her just as my friend.

-So maybe you can work it out with her little by little, she seems to me to be the kind of person who doesn't mind being patient. And maybe you can find a compromise so that both of you are satisfied with the arrangement between you! - Andy had a point, Carina really was an understanding person. - You don't have to explain yourself to her, if you don't want to, but take baby steps with her and it will be good for both of you.

-Baby steps. - I sighed.

-That's right. - My friend reaffirmed. - Now I need you to sign the volunteer release papers, which I need to scan and email to them.

-Oh. - I looked at her again. - They're already signed, here.

I handed her the papers and Andy gave me one last smile before walking towards the door.

-On a night like this it would be great to have a doctor among the volunteers, you know? - Andy winked at me before closing the door behind her.

I glanced at my cell phone a few times and bit my lower lip in a sign of determination before picking it up and running my fingers through the contacts. Carina and I had exchanged a few messages in the last few days - partly because I could no longer not have her as part of my daily life - but nothing too deep, some good morning or good evening messages, others wanting to know about each other's day, but the teasing and fooling around that were once so common had been put aside.

"Hey, Carina! Are you working today?" - I sent the message and was surprised when the three dots swung quickly in the conversation.

"Not today. I'm home all day, why?"

"Did you see in the news about the snowstorm that's going to hit?"

"Yes, Andrea was warning me about it earlier. How bad is it going to be?"

"Apparently very bad. The station is going to become a shelter center for people who need it, mostly we have to deal with some frostbite and hypothermia, and I was wondering if it would be possible to have you volunteer here tonight." - The invitation had been extended and I held my breath as I waited for her to type a response.

"Only if you promise to show me your medal!" - I laughed at her response, looking at the medal that lay on my desk. I could even visualize in my imagination the beautiful smile that probably framed her face at that moment.

"Deal!"

"What time should I be there?"-I wanted to answer that I wanted her here at that precise second, but I didn't want to sound so desperate.

"Any time you want, but I'd be more at ease if you left your house before the storm hit. I can pick you up at home if you want me to"

"You're working, Maya"

"No one will die if I'm gone for half an hour"

"If you say so, then I'll accept the ride. Let me know when you're coming.

"Don't forget your coats, if you hate the Seattle freezing temperatures before a snowstorm, I can't imagine how you'll weather tonight"

"It's not funny"

"It is a little bit funny"

"Bye, Maya!"

"I'll see you soon!"

I grinned like an idiot at the cell phone in my hand and sighed heavily at the thought that I would soon be in Carina's company again.