fever | ateez lore story

| the mover |

resolution
/ˌrɛzəˈl(j)uːʃn/
noun
1. a firm decision to do or not to do something
"was there any resolution in moving again?"
2. the quality of being determined or resolute
"I bring us back together, with enough resolution one could have."

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Endless movement. When will there be a day where we just rest? Lying without moving a single muscle? When can we be comfortable? Content?

I held back from making any attachment, because before I knew it, I had to let them go. A momentary happiness, yet, it was never enough for me. I needed more. I needed security.

"Help your mother with the boxes." One of the many things my dad says to me.

"First day at your new school!" One of the many things my mom says to me.

---

"First day of your new school, Sannie! How we feeling?" My mother asks adjusting my tie. I stare at the gold pendant of her necklace, resting in the dip between her collarbones.

"The same." I respond, my tone raising worry in her. She finishes with my tie, fixing my collar and running her small hands across my broad shoulders.

-"I'm sorry, San. About the constant moving. We'll see how it goes from here, but I have a feeling this one is a keeper."

-"That's what you always say."

My mother's lips part to say something, but my father's voice comes in.

-"Come on, honey! It's terrible first impression to be late on your first day of work!"

I watch as she sighs, hanging her head. Her eyes then meet mine, love and desperation flooding out.

"We'll be home before you know it. Make loads of new friends. Love you, our San." She says, kissing the crown of my head.

'make loads of new friends'. I will, once I know they'll stay as friends, not memories.

I see her to the front door, my father pulling me in and pecking my temple, grabbing his briefcase off the wooden floor.

"See you, San. Have a great first day of school." He says. The two of them give me such affectionate smiles that it pushes away the feeling of slight resentment in me. I understand work is work and they can't help it, but what about me?

I watch as they exit the door, shutting it close behind them. I sigh, turning to my grandfather peacefully sitting on the couch. He shows me the same loving smile as my parents, except, there was a sense of comfort behind it. He's letting me know that he and my grandmother with forever be the friends I'll never have to say goodbye to. They'll always be there, right behind me.

"Want someone to walk you to school, San?" He asks softly. I nod slowly, a pang of relief in my chest showing through a small smile slowly spreading on my face. I quickly grab my blazer before heading to the kitchen, where grandmother puts away the washed dishes.

"Goodbye, grandmother. I'll be heading off with grandfather now." I tell her, giving her a bear hug. She's very small and delicate against my broad figure.

---

"San, look at that. The cherry blossoms are beginning to show." Grandfather points out on our walk to school. I look around at the descending colour of pink around us, the whole world blushing around us.

I cannot tell if it was the lightness of the cherry blossoms, the warm wind blowing through my hair or the sun shining on my skin, but I feel grounded. I don't feel like a floating entity without a sense of stability. I feel my feet on the ground, and the ability to control their movement. It's not really freedom, but it's not restriction either. I feel sound. I only hope this feeling will last.

"What are you thinking about, San?" My grandfather's soft voice brings me back to my senses, and I look over at him, his eyes scanning my face. I timidly shake my head as I smile.

-"It's nothing. I just feel...resolute."