fever | ateez lore story

CH 12

•seonghwa•

I can feel my leg bounce aggressively up and down, my heavy head, full of thoughts, resting on my hand. I stare at the clock aimlessly, waiting for the big hand to signal the end of class.

All I think about is recording Hongjoong's song. For so long, I've wanted to go into music, despite many people telling me otherwise. There is something about music that is impossible to do through any other occupation - expression. There are many ideas, worries, challenges and whatever that I want to express, through music. The way you are able to verbally express your thoughts through the lyrics you sing is incredible enough, but the secret is in the craft - the production of the music. Even without lyrics, you can instantly recognise the mood of the song just by the instrumental, hence why I figured out with Wooyoung, San and Jongho that the mood of Hongjoong's track is desperation, the eagerness to reach for something that seems impossible.

Sounds like someone familiar...

I've started to lose hope in that possibility, however. I have no place to start, other than with Hongjoong. However, what if he stops making music, where do I go from there? The thought scares me, that I'll have to start from square one all over again, with nothing but a guitar at hand. How far I am able to go, God knows. But I doubt it'll be far enough.

-"Park Seonghwa?"

The sound of my teacher's voice snaps me back not reality, and I find her paused at the front with a concerned look on her face. I suddenly feel the eyes of my fellow classmates land on me, and I begin to shrink into my seat.

"Are you alright?" She asks. I press my lips together and nod timidly, very embarrassed about the situation.

"See me after class, Mr Park." She says, not in an intimidating way, but more of a concern.

God, this is not gonna end well. What if she kicks me out of my class for not progressing? I won't hear the end of it from my father.

I stare back at the clock, only hoping for the time to move slower now.

---

Once my classmates have left the class, it's just me and my teacher alone in the empty classroom.

"You know who you remind me of, Seonghwa?" She begins, making her way over to me and leaning on the desk in front of mine. I avoid eye contact, feeling my skin prick with anxiety. I shake my head, not knowing the answer to her query.

"You remind me of this other boy I teach in math. He has a real tendency of skipping class very, very often, to the point it almost got him expelled. He was not a bad student, he just bunked classes. I think he lacked the motivation to return to school. However, ever since he came back, he's been more hard working than ever. Getting his homework done for the deadlines, studying for every test, making sure his fellow classmates are doing okay, mentally and academically. Behind it all, he's a hardworker at home, too. I've heard from his mother that he's endlessly working on out-of-school projects, which results to sleepless nights. But no matter where he was, in-school or at home, his spirit never faltered. He is like a breath of fresh air. It's not ideal for him to be skipping classes for this outside project, but to hear of his unwavering determination and consistency makes him better than many people in the school. I'd like to think you are the same as him. I know you have it in you to be the light in a dark room, you just have to believe in yourself, Seonghwa. You have real potential to be great, if only you saw it in you, too." She explains like a story.

This boy...he sounds like a movie character. The inspirational kind that tends to change people's lifestyles and view of things. The kind of the character that many people will connect with, who people can relate to. His development is very inspiring, but I fail to see my relevance in this. Me and whoever it is are two completely different people, so how can I possibly be anything like him?

"Who is it you talk about?" I ask, my curiosity growing. She opens her mouth to speak, but the class door opens with a heavy sound.

-"The marked assessments are on your desk in the office, Mrs Jung."

"Thank you. You're free to go home." She says. The student catches my gaze, giving me a smile that so wide that it makes me smile, too.

"Seonghwa, hyung! Come on, let's leave together." He says, vanishing behind the door, waiting for me.

I look back to my teacher, who gives me nothing but an endearing smile.

The hardworking 'boy' she was talking about, the inspirational, main character in a movie I was imagining, is Hongjoong.

I begin to think as Mrs Jung walks back to her desk. My head ponders Hongjoong and his lifestyle. For a bit, I was a little disappointed to hear that our class captain has even constantly skipping class, and I even mentally cussed him out for doing so. Without our captain, sometimes our class or school grounds would be chaos without his leadership. Many people thought it was quite lousy and lazy for him to skip, but he is far from lazy. He's tiring himself out, chasing after his dream - being a musician. On top of that, he's managing his leadership here at school. Hongjoong's like a ticking time bomb - wherever he is, he is working like the world might end tomorrow.

I can only dream to be like him one day. I want to work to the bone, until someone thinks of me the way I think of Hongjoong - a diligent human being who chases after their dream relentlessly, as if it's their last breath.