Haewon Imagines » gxg

'how could i do as i promised?'

Author's Note:

Heavy angst ahead. If angst isn't your cup of tea, I discourage you from continuing on. If you are brave enough to go, I am encouraging you to play the music on the media to set the mood.

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It's the first snow.

Haewon thought as she was on her way home from the studio. She got off from work early today. A smile formed on her lips as she can recall the first time that you spent the first snow a few years ago. It was your first year living in South Korea that day.

You once considered winter as your favorite season because of your first snow experience with Haewon.

Haewon can recall the moments that you've shared during that. The way you got excited when the snowflakes started falling, the way your eyes sparkled as you looked at her with so much bliss as it did, the way that you dragged her with you to play with the snow a little while later.

She was fond of the winter, but it now meant so much more to her when she met you and she had you in her life.

Haewon thought that it'd be great to grab some warm drinks, so she passed by your go-to coffee shop to buy her favorite warm drink as well as yours. As she waited for her order, she looked around.

Moments that you've shared across this space also flood into her mind. She couldn't help but to bite onto her lip to hold a smile to form on her lips. The last thing that she'd want is to have rumors of going insane if ever she's found smiling to herself.

Oh, how bad she is missing you.

She had been really busy the past few weeks, after all.

She thanked and bowed her head in gratitude as soon as her order was handed over by the barista.

Not long after, Haewon reached your shared home. She found you outside, around the front yard. You were catching snowflakes until you recognized her presence. Your eyes formed into a thin line and a wide smile plastered on your lips as you saw her get into the gate.

"It's the first snow, my love."

"Oh, I know, my love."

"I've been looking forward to spending this with you. Thank you for making time with me for today. Would you mind just meeting me over there after you've changed clothes?" You pointed in the direction of the site that you and Haewon started to visit for the first snow since last year.

Haewon just nodded. "Not at all. I'll follow in a little while."

Haewon got into your home. She quickly added a layer or two to keep her warm before making her way outside again. She took a hold of her umbrella while holding the beverage holder which carried your warm drinks.

On her way, there was a flower shop. She got herself a bouquet of white roses and pink hydrangeas before she made her way to the place where she was bound to meet you.

"Oh, I didn't notice it earlier but you got me my favorite drink? Thank you, my love." You said, looking at her lovingly as she put down the bouquet of flowers and the drink.

Haewon just nodded and smiled. Then, you took notice of the flowers. "I don't remember anything so special today to receive a bouquet, huh? However, I appreciate it."

"Every single day that I got to spend with you is special, Y/N." Haewon said sincerely and teary-eyed as she looked into her eyes.

You scooted closer to her, cupping her cheeks. "Trust me, it is the same for me, Haewon."

She nuzzled her right cheek on your right palm, while taking a hold of your left hand.

"You made every single day in my life to be something to look forward to, my love." You said in a low voice. You swallowed a lump on your throat before you continued speaking. "You did that until the very end of my days, despite the agonizing consequence that I had to bear with simply living. You gave me the strength to hold onto the fight as long as I can. I can't stand seeing you like this anymore, my love... It has been a year, and there has been no progress with what you've promised to do."

You met Haewon's gaze. Both of you were in tears already.

"How could I do as I promised?" Haewon sniffled, gripping onto your hand. "I love you so."

"I know, Haewon. I loved you as much as you do, and I still do. But then, holding onto me will do you no good. I want to see those sparkles in your eyes again and to witness you feel special again, even if it's not me who'll make you feel that way anymore. Haewon, please let me go." You started to move your hands away and move away from her as you uttered the words firmly.

"You have to let me go."

Haewon was shaking her head and mumbling 'no' to herself. When she tried to reach for you, you moved further away until you were completely gone.

That's when Haewon snapped back to reality as she fell down onto the ground as she tried to chase after you. She was thankful that there was no one else in the cemetery at this time to see how miserable she was.

It has been a year since you were gone. How playful fate could be as the date of your death happened to land on the same date as the first day of winter this year. The first day of winter which she used to spend happily with you now happened to mark the first year that she'd lost you forever.

You have succumbed to your terminal illness.

While you were on your deathbed, you had a heart-to-heart talk. Both of you had tears streaming down your faces during then. The talk included you sharing your hopes and wishes for her as she navigates through life without you and you officially letting go of her. It also included her promising not to put her life in a halt upon losing you and to try getting over you.

However, the keyword there is try. Both of these promises were easier said than done.

Haewon has been seeking to live the rest of her life with you. To put you out of the equation seemed to be impossible.