ABOVE & BEYOND : IF WE ARE MEANT TO BE

CHAPTER 17

DUAA

His mouth was pressed against mine for the briefest second. Before my brain could process any emotion I was feeling I pushed him and my right hand made a sharp contract with his left cheek.

God, what just happened? What have I done? I am not this type of woman. I do not let guys get this close to me. It was a sin and I was terrified. It took me years to build the iman I have now. I can't let it go. I can't insult it by doing all these things. Not again.

He looked back at me. I was staring at him with a shaky palm over my mouth. "Duaa, I-I didn't mean to..." "shut up. Just shut up and get the hell out of my way."

He moved away instantly and I walked as fast as I could towards the room I was staying in. Slamming the door loudly I sat on the bed, taking long breaths. My heart was thundering in my ribcage. Everything was a mess and I was the one responsible for it.

I knew what kind of guy he was but still I tried to be his friend. Thought he was different. But he was not. And he thought I was like him. Who just sleeps around like it's no big deal. Even the thought of it almost brought tears to my eyes.

How could I let this happen? Even though I promised myself three years ago that I would not let it happen. Never ever. Deep down I knew today's situation was out of my control but still, I am not entirely innocent here.

It was like I was living my past all over again.

Growing up, I was religious but not that much. My life was a mess. I was unhappy. I was trying everything to have that inner peace. And the closer I got to my religion the more peace I found. I started learning new things. And they all made sense. That was why I wanted to get married early.

In my first year of university I met him. Noah. He was one year ahead of me. We would see each other all the time. In the campus, corridor, hall, cafeteria but we never talked until I was in the second year.

We almost had the same opinions about everything. Our religious views were almost accurate. That really brought us closer. And soon our friendship turned into something deeper. I fell in love with him. We used to talk about marriage so much. Not marriage between us but the concept of early marriage. And one day he proposed to me. That day I was the happiest. Happy that I will spend the rest of my life with him.

But he was not what I expected. He was manipulative. He manipulated me into sleeping with him. He did not force me. He manipulated me, by saying what we are doing is nothing wrong. We're also engaged and we will be getting married within months. He was quite persuasive.

My love for him blinded me. The line between right and wrong became invisible to me. Even though we started sleeping together, something always felt wrong. I talked to him about it and he said it's normal when you are new to this. And yet again, I agreed with him.

Every time I went to pray, I felt like I betrayed god. Like I was putting something else before him. I started feeling that same emptiness I used to feel before.

At some points it felt like sex is the only thing holding me and Noah together. We wouldn't talk that much. Every time I wanted to have some deep conversation with him, he would always walk out of it. Every time I used to get mad at that fact he would say bullshits like how much he loves me, how except me there is no one else in his life and how I'm the only one for him.

And damn me, I believed him. I believed every damn word that came out of his mouth. And just like that we would end up having sex.

The emptiness in my chest started expanding and I finally made a decision one day. We wouldn't have sex anymore unless we are married. I talked to him about it. And the side I've seen of him that day was nothing like the ones I've seen before.

He got mad. He started breaking things around. After cursing me, calling me by different names he left. Just like that. I didn't cry that day because I was sure it's a dream. after everything I have given him there was no way that was real. My heart, my body, my love, my...everything. Noah would never treat me like that, that was what I kept telling myself.

The following evening he called me and said everything that made me realise that was the reality. He told me he only proposed because he wanted to take my virginity. He never planned on marrying me. He just used me for my body and I was dumb enough to trust him blindly.

My heart was broken. I was a mess. The pain I was feeling inside was much stronger than physical pain. I isolated myself. I stopped talking to the people I care about and if I didn't have my family's and Afra's support at that time, I would have probably committed suicide.

After that day I didn't see him ever again. He changed university. My dad told me not to give up. He told me to learn from my mistakes. He told me this was my chance, my opportunity.

And I took that opportunity. I promised myself I would never repeat those same sins again. And I didn't but I was not sure if I can say the same after today. After Eryx did what he did today.

I looked at the time on my phone and it was already 11:53 pm. All I wanted to do was lay on the praying mat and cry but I couldn't. I have my periods. My eyes wandered through the balcony. You know what, nothing would feel better than the wind of this hour.

ERYX

With a cigarette between my index and middle finger I was smoking while admiring the moon through the window. I was about to go to the balcony when I saw her. Duaa. Eyes closed, elbows resting against the railing. She was looking calm and beautiful.

A part of me wanted to call her but I didn't wanna ruin her peace. And I was pretty sure she was gonna go back to her room if she saw me so I sat back on the desk in front of the window instead. Admiring her from here.

My eyes wandered her face as I inhaled the toxic smoke. Her lips. That kiss. Even though it lasted for less than a second, I remember it completely. Her lips were soft, full, moist.

Usually I'm not impulsive when it comes to girls but with her I acted on my impulsive thoughts. Even it took me by surprise. And she also took me by surprise when she slapped me. This is the first time anyone has ever done this to me. I was more impressed than shocked to be honest. I wasn't angry because it was all my fault.

I should have never kissed her in the first place. She wasn't like the girls I slept around with. She had her own aura and personality which was unique and I liked it. I just hope the kiss doesn't affect our friendship because I like spending time with her. I really do.

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"Ah shit." I quickly sucked on my index finger for the third time as I was tryna make apology pancakes for brownie. But the pancakes were not pancakeing. At first the mixture was too liquidy and now it was too hard. I sighed loudly. No wonder I hate cooking.

I added a little splash of milk and the mixture was finally looking decent. After my 527617964th attempt I managed to make four decent looking pancakes. I checked my watch and it was 7:13 am. We gotta leave at 7:30. I quickly decorated the pancakes with some whipped cream, fresh strawberries and maple syrup. On the side I designed sorry :) with the whipped cream.

I smiled proudly, looking at the art I created. There was no way she can ignore my apology right now. Suddenly the knob of her door twisted and she came out. All dressed up. "Brownie, I made panca...." She walked past the kitchen like I didn't even existed and before I could even finish the sentence she left. Just.like.that.

I was standing there dumbfounded with the whipped cream bottle in my hand. I messed up bigger than I thought. Sighing loudly I took a bite out of the pancake and I don't know how to feel.

I kept chewing but could not taste anything. Oh oh..there it was. The taste. It was disgusting! I almost gagged and rushed towards the trash can. Thank god Duaa did not try this. She would have been more pissed.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Oh no..did she come back for the pancakes? That's mean she already forgave me! Smiling at the thought I walked towards the door.

"Good morning, sir." My smile dropped as I saw the man from yesterday. What was his name again? James? "Um...good morning. What are you doing here?" "your ride is here, sir. We have to go at the construction site now." oh right. We are here for a reason.

"Call me, Eryx. and give me 10 minutes. I'll be right back." He nodded and gave me a smile.